Maybe you've seen me more active as of late. I made a promise to myself last year I was going to find a way out of here, out of this role, and out of this house. It's been too long, too much F.O.G., and tired of the feeling of constant desperation and constantly doubting my sanity, my need for freedom and what happens if i leave. I could stay, but I really don't want to. I'm being weaker in certain ways trying to be assertive and end up being aggressive and the only one hurt.
I've already got deep plans about where to go, When, is hesitant for multiple unpractical and practical reasons, but it will be a hard no longer than May. Also I know I will definitely need therapy once I leave here. I'm looking into that also with the area to live. I honestly don't think I would be safe with myself if I leave without a support to work with. So therapy will be that.
The biting issue that has me feeling absolutely torn is, what to do about my parents... My dad is 68 i believe (i don't keep close track of ages as much), he has mobility issues (no feeling in the feet and weak legs, which has him bed and wheelchair bound when going to appointments), I suspect dementia on top of his naturally demanding and shifting personality (he's always been that way, but the stroke he had years ago and this possibility make it magnified and predictable, but not easy to deal with). He needs a lot of physical care, but refuses to do some things for himself unless i aggressively refuse (which is psychologically harming me and not him). Also I'm not as strong physically (even with exercise) as I was in high school. It's hard to shift his weight in a sling these days and I no longer what to do that much longer for both of our sake. Mom is 70 something, has arthritis in the hands, has to use a cane intermittently for knee troubles, and possibly dementia or something slowly creeping up on top of her natural personality similar to dad's but not as frequent (she's a little easier to deal with these days). She has limited hand strength, but is able to cook, do a little dish washing, and sweeping. Her mind is ok enough to do dad's medicine, take care of bills and she's able to get around more with my assistance to drive her to appointments, errands, etc.
Knowing this, exactly what is the experience you may have had with calling an AOA (Area on Aging). What happens? How much of my or possibly my brother's involvement is necessary? And if say they need to place my parents, could they place them in the same facility or is it a chance they'd be separated?
Any answer can be helpful. I'm really trying to get a good idea of what may happen. I may not like, or even stand them at times, but I am not the type of person to be a "butt" and abandon them. No matter how much I feel that, I cannot bring myself to do such a thing. It's the decent thing I can do for them as human beings.
One last thing, if there are other agency I should investigate that you may know of, I'm interesting in hearing it. I have to balance this fear with some rationality. Thank you all.
I will post a few more major updates soon. Thank you.
Carol
I was actually caught off guard for the call, so I was mostly awkward and nervous the whole time. I told the agent I would take the information and talk with my parents and come up with a plan and would return the call in a week or so.
Since I've mentioned in general needing to do this, there has been nothing but a very sick and nagging sensation of fear, guilt and possibly obligation about needing to tell them. On one hand I just want to run like a flood and the apocalypse is chasing me. I don't want to deal with the whole process of telling them and witnessing their reaction or lack thereof, and also what may happen when I tell my brother about this. Realistically, I am the only who knows what is going on around here, and the only one who cares on a human being level about where they should be placed. This house is no longer fit to me. We've had floods the past few years (this may be the last one as the backyard was dug), We've got 'critters' of the night kind, and add on to the fact, the house is small and inadequate for real care. I'm not able to keep up with the chores, changing and other things have me in tears when I walk away, and I say to myself outloud that this is No way to live and they really need to be elsewhere.
This whole thing has kept me up some nights crying, wracking, and pondering a tactful way to say what needs to be said.
Then there's the move. As I mentioned before, regardless I plan to move. May will be the month, and I plan to move to another state. It's imperative I may sure I do things with minimal damage before I leave, because when I move, I will cease contact to people here. I want to make sure the process is ok and they are going to be taken care of, but that part of me just nags and nags.
I'm going to do some drafts of what I want to say, when is the deciding factor. Thank you for reading and I'll update again soon.
Cmag the reason I brought up my brother is, if i decide that I want not continue with the overseeing of their care (and I have no legal obligation to), the ball may fall in his court. There is a possibility he may or may not be able to handle that responsibility, and it would be important that someone professional will completely monitor the more important parts of their care and other processes we may not know about.
I want to arm myself with information, before I decide to talk with my parents and my brother about these plans. No one knows what I plan to do yet, and I want to keep it that way until I'm sure I have something in place for them.
I'm tired, I'm going go back and rest. I'll update this discussion with whatever may come up.
Carol
Keep in touch and let us know how things work out.