Maybe you've seen me more active as of late. I made a promise to myself last year I was going to find a way out of here, out of this role, and out of this house. It's been too long, too much F.O.G., and tired of the feeling of constant desperation and constantly doubting my sanity, my need for freedom and what happens if i leave. I could stay, but I really don't want to. I'm being weaker in certain ways trying to be assertive and end up being aggressive and the only one hurt.
I've already got deep plans about where to go, When, is hesitant for multiple unpractical and practical reasons, but it will be a hard no longer than May. Also I know I will definitely need therapy once I leave here. I'm looking into that also with the area to live. I honestly don't think I would be safe with myself if I leave without a support to work with. So therapy will be that.
The biting issue that has me feeling absolutely torn is, what to do about my parents... My dad is 68 i believe (i don't keep close track of ages as much), he has mobility issues (no feeling in the feet and weak legs, which has him bed and wheelchair bound when going to appointments), I suspect dementia on top of his naturally demanding and shifting personality (he's always been that way, but the stroke he had years ago and this possibility make it magnified and predictable, but not easy to deal with). He needs a lot of physical care, but refuses to do some things for himself unless i aggressively refuse (which is psychologically harming me and not him). Also I'm not as strong physically (even with exercise) as I was in high school. It's hard to shift his weight in a sling these days and I no longer what to do that much longer for both of our sake. Mom is 70 something, has arthritis in the hands, has to use a cane intermittently for knee troubles, and possibly dementia or something slowly creeping up on top of her natural personality similar to dad's but not as frequent (she's a little easier to deal with these days). She has limited hand strength, but is able to cook, do a little dish washing, and sweeping. Her mind is ok enough to do dad's medicine, take care of bills and she's able to get around more with my assistance to drive her to appointments, errands, etc.
Knowing this, exactly what is the experience you may have had with calling an AOA (Area on Aging). What happens? How much of my or possibly my brother's involvement is necessary? And if say they need to place my parents, could they place them in the same facility or is it a chance they'd be separated?
Any answer can be helpful. I'm really trying to get a good idea of what may happen. I may not like, or even stand them at times, but I am not the type of person to be a "butt" and abandon them. No matter how much I feel that, I cannot bring myself to do such a thing. It's the decent thing I can do for them as human beings.
One last thing, if there are other agency I should investigate that you may know of, I'm interesting in hearing it. I have to balance this fear with some rationality. Thank you all.
To finalize, my brother will be here taking care of my parents, they don't want outside help, and I'm preparing to leave this karmic disaster behind and make good memories.
I'll probably do another update eventually, but i'll stop by now and then to read.
You need a councilor or therapist for you and will need someone when you do move...to help you through the doubts and depression that may kick in...years of trauma do not go away over night.
Have you talked with your PCP about depression? make sure you have back up and a plan for yourself. A local support group? etc.
Best for a calmer life with good memories! Find some new friends at a local senior center or house of worship.
Glasshalful, I think the therapist would be quite wise. My energy levels have slowly bottom out at times, but I'm continuing to persevere. And because of that, I think I will do a search for a therapist in the new location who can do skype sessions. That way I would have one less thing to do when I arrive.
My doctor knows of my depression, but not that it's as strong as it is. I have some reservations about telling the severity it reaches, and have withheld so I can see a therapist about it when setup. She had given me a name and number of a Psych about 1hr away from where I am some years ago, but I had not been able to go there for reasons I won't mention here.
Terry parents are adamant about not being placed. I wish they would go, but even I have concerns about nursing care in this current exact location. The quality of things in this city aren't exactly stupendous, and the nursing facilities look abit worse for wear on their exteriors. If they ever wanted to go, it would have to be in a different city which has a good reputation for nursing care, hospital care, etc. For now they are at a no, and I'm too tired to push that further. It is what it is currently.
I'm quite sure my parents are internally petrified, and in denial of all that's happening to them, if they are still deeply aware. They are normal most days, but you can tell a difference if you've been around them along time like I. My brother doesn't seem to see it yet, but leaving the responsibility to him, he'll recognize trully what I've been dealing with, and not just the surface stuff. He may even do better than I since he has a lady friend who has no qualms about helping. I'm just praying for the best on this end while I continue on.