Hi, my name is Alissa. I'm 19 years old and I take care of my grandmother 2-5 days a week. I am a stay at home mom, and my dad, who lives with my grandmother, works full time, so I come over to take care of her while he is at work, with my 1 year old son. To be brief, she has severe dementia. She knows who she is, her birth date, she can recognize my family members for the most part but often mixes up names and relations. (She knows who my dad is, Michael, but sometimes she thinks he is her husband, instead of her son, etc) that is about all she understands anymore. Physically, she is pretty independent. Gets up and down the stairs quite well, very rarely does she fall at all. Showers, gets dressed, makes her bed and her breakfast, etc. She often tries to wander off and is regularly up at night. She is very anxious, agitated often because of the things her "associates" say to her and good days without a mental breakdown are hard to come by. My dad has been her sole caretaker through all of this, it's been about 2 years since her condition got really bad and 5 years that he's been taking care of her, with no help (physically or financially) from his out of state siblings. It affects his personal life, his career, and his mental state,although he will not admit it. For reasons I don't want to get into, he is very hard to talk to and we don't have the best relationship. He did take my younger siblings on a two week vacation in August, during which time I stayed with my grandmother. This was extremely difficult for me to see how my father was actually living, 24/7 with her severe dementia. Although I'm sure her symptoms were worsened by the stress of my dad not being here for that long, it was absolutely horrendous. I got more sleep when my son was a newborn than I did in those 2 weeks with her. At this point I insisted that my father start the process of putting her into a nursing home, something he has been fighting. He finally did agree and said he started the process already, submitting an application for Medicare (I believe) and that she is on a waiting list. As I said he is very hard to talk to, so I gently bring these issues up to him. When I asked how long the waiting list was, he asked "well you're not going anywhere anytime soon, right" implying it would be a long time... eventually he said it could be 2-4 years. Considering her mental state, I do not understand how a waiting list could be this long or that the process could take this long. He has POA, and has already spoken with a lawyer and his siblings about what will happen to the house, her assets, etc. I truly do not believe the process could be this long and that he is putting it off, and not telling me. I have tried to explain to him that he has done everything he can to keep her in her own home as long as possible, which he says he understands, but i don't believe he does. My grandmother honestly enjoys the attention she gets in the hospital and when she has been in the rehab centers before she has never complained, so I don't believe she will be very upset to be put into a nursing home. In fact, she would probably enjoy the socialization with others her age, as she doesn't get to go out much now. I found some paper work this morning that he was looking into VA nursing homes in Maine, where his sister lives and his family is from. We live in New Jersey. I don't really understand why he is looking out of state, could that be why the waiting list is so long? I'm just hoping someone can tell me about the process and your opinions if this information he is giving me is accurate. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I truly want what is best for him and my grandmother. I'm his oldest child, my siblings are in high school, he and my mom are not together and do not speak about these things so he has no one else looking out for him, and I feel it's my responsibility, but he is very authoritative and will not answer my questions to my satisfaction. How long was the process for you, does this seem accurate?