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Terrible enmeshment & codependency between my mother & myself ~ I have always been closest to her (4 siblings) now in this stage of life she has cut me off unless my family & I do as she wishes ~ although there is no point at which she is saciated ~ eating me up inside & terrible effects on my family ~ need advice🙏

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I think you need more than advice. I think you need therapy. I don't mean to be insulting in saying that - most of us have trouble setting boundaries with our elderly parents, and therapy really can help. When you have a history of enmeshment and codependency, it's even tougher.

What you need to do, and I'm sure you know this, is to call her bluff. Refuse to be manipulated. Let her threats fall on deaf ears. Your independence and your family's well-being have to be more important to you than her threats, even if carried out. If you need therapy to get to that point, you need therapy to get to that point. Good luck!
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