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For the last 18 months I have been embroiled in a legal fight for conservatorship regarding our 86 year old Mom with my brother.


For 10 years I was the sole caretaker; appts, shopping, travel, just companionship. I even sold my house to move into condos so we could live next door to each other.


Due to health issues I had to place her in a memory care facility which costs $6,200 a month but luckily she likes it very much.


Well shortly after I was served, my brother says he wants charge of her (which was denied by Judge already) but he is still fighting to get control of her estate accusing me of elder abuse.


Has anyone gone thru this? It’s hell

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If you are interested in checking out other options available, Google personal care homes to see what is available in your state.

In California they are called Residential Care Homes. In New Jersey they are called Comprehensive Personal Care Homes. There are similar options is probably all states but may be called something different.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Good for you John! Stay the course. Yes, I have been through court with the twisted sissies. A nightmare, actually. I came out on top as the judge accepted and realised that testimony provided by geriatric care manager provided. I had been caring for mom 24/7/365 for about three years at that point. Court ordered I be paid by mom for part of that time. Continued court actions by twisteds. Twisteds wanted mom moved to a facility because they thought it would be cheaper. I finally tired of the continued harassment by twisteds and quit. Mom was moved to a facility.

Low and behold, the facility cost more, and at times mom needed a 24/7 outside caregiver to be a companion and monitor her behavior. A 10k bill for a month wouldn't be unusual. Just flat out vindictiveness of twisteds, who did it hurt the most? Mom. Sad isn't it.

Finally at Xmas this past year ts2 finally said to me that mom would have done better at home. That is as close as I will ever get as far as apology. But, I am a strong believer in karma.
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JohnDublin Jul 1, 2019
Oh I’m certainly hoping for Karma. Court again tomorrow
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Was brother thinking of small care homes. Limited residents? Not anything like that where I live. Its ALs and LTCs. AL is private pay. LTC can be private but Medicaid excepted. To be on Medicaid ALL Moms assets have to be spent down for medicaid to pick up her care. All ur allowed is maybe 2k. Depends on ur state.

I have never heard of a Social Security facility.
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worriedinCali Jun 29, 2019
There are lots of small care homes in the OPs state of California :)
Assisted living here is not private pay either. But as far as small care homes, a lot of people don’t even realize a residential home is a care home. There was one right around the corner from me up until around 2 years ago. It looks like a normal family house, I thought an elderly couple lived there because I saw an ambulance there somewhat frequently and an elderly person on a stretcher. It’s now like a half way house for men. I recently stumbled across a list every private care home in the city on the Internet, it’s several pages long! Growing up there was one a few houses down from my best friends house, it was for mentally challenged people. we didn’t know it until one of the residents chased the caretaker down the street trying to hit her with a frying pan! Will never forget that sight LOL!
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Make sure your Ts are crossed and I are dotted. Show all proff of everything you have done in support of your parent. Do not let this estate go to anyone who does not have your parents best interest in mind. You know full well cost of care and know if you are not in control of her funds there will be none for her care. Even if you need a lawer and yourself to have to sign checks etc for her care do that. The judge will grant a trust fund for care that only proper signers can touch. Blessings. God loves you and is watching out for you.
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Reply to Ssyynnthia
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Have you reminded him that all of these court filings is spending her money faster? I wonder if you can ask the judge for dismissal since there was already a dismissal. Bring the docket number with you
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Reply to MACinCT
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JohnDublin, so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like everything you did was in your Mom's best interest, and since Mom likes the memory care facility, you did great. I see no elder abuse from what you said. And neither did the Judge.

Make an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney as such an attorney specialized in all types of elder law situations. He/she can give you suggestions on what to do.

Sounds like your brother is more interested in keeping the money used for Memory Care to stay in the inheritance. Is that what is happening? Does you brother realize when one has Alzheimer's/Dementia, there comes a time when it takes a village to watch after Mom, and Mom is happy where she is? Does he plan to take care of Mom in his own home?
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Reply to freqflyer
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JohnDublin Jun 29, 2019
Honestly my brother was furious about the memory care facility cost. He kept trying to tell me there was a way to segregate her $ so she could go into a social security facility. I said no way, it’s her $ and we will spend it on her care.
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