Is the primary physician one to declare that a patient is unable to make decisions for themselves? - AgingCare.com

Is the primary physician one to declare that a patient is unable to make decisions for themselves?

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How to deal with an elderly person who makes you feel like complete crap when you try to schedule a break or have them go to daycare for the day.


Im so sick of arguing about every little thing!!!!


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She can't make you feel guilty. You allow yourself to feel that way.
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Liztini, sigh...

She isn't going to stop what she's doing is she? - Pouting or sulking or acting up or whatever.

So if you want not to feel like crap, and you can't change her behaviour, the only remaining answer is to change your response to her by building appropriate emotional boundaries. The noble art of pleasing yourself. Or, and this is a book title by the way, 'The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving A F**k,' which you may even find it helpful to read.

Sort your schedule out as works best for you and yours. Mother, alas, with every respect to her, and assuming that you are in fact providing her with a high standard of care (which I'm sure you are, because otherwise you wouldn't be the type to suffer unwarranted guilt), is going to have to like it or lump it. She'll be happier if she learns to like it. Encourage her to :) but don't worry about it if she doesn't. It's not your fault she can't manage her own life any more.
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Some caretakers are more prone to guilt trips than others. I tend to take a realistic approach and that means looking at how reasonable my efforts and intent is. With that in mind, I don't feel guilty about what I'm trying to do. Seniors and people with dementia don't always think things through, or show consideration, co-operation, etc. Using their judgment as a compass as to how we should feel seems odd to me. I try to roll with the punches and with a smile. Not likely to change their behavior.

My LO's Primary diagnosed her with significant Vascular dementia. Later a neurologist confirmed that. And later down the road a psychiatrist diagnosed Profound dementia. It was pretty clear the patient was not able to make decisions, that's why I began using the Durable POA, plus, LO wanted me to. If it's for court purposes, I'd consult with an attorney about what the requirements are in your jurisdiction.
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