Primary caregiver to 88 yo lady saying I have dragged her off to the mountains. Anyone have ideas for coping with this? - AgingCare.com

Primary caregiver to 88 yo lady saying I have dragged her off to the mountains. Anyone have ideas for coping with this?

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Lady shows few other signs of dementia, if that is what this is, but several times lately she has awakened after an hour or so sleep and asked what we are doing "up there" and raised Cain all night. She can't tell me where we are exactly but she does not want to be there and I need to take her home, right now! Telling her repeatedly that we are at home and showing her her clothes, furniture, etc, does not make a dent. Usually she has snapped out of it by the next day but this time it has been 24 hours and she is still delusional. She has macular degeneration and is nearly blind which may have something to do with her inability to recognize the house she has lived in 50 years; though she has gone so far as to admit it is her house how did I get it up here? She has two daughters in the area and I am torn whether to inform them or not as she does not want her health discussed with them or others and I do not wish to betray that trust; but she is driving me to exhaustion. We were up all night with her railing at me and demanding to be taken home. Please, any advice is welcome! Robert

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since we don't know who Robert is, lets pretend his has POA and is a relative. How about telling her "okay, I will take you home" then get her in the car and drive around for about 10 minutes and then come back home. maybe this will help pacify her but also you should seek out a doctors advise and contact daughters as well. good luck.
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Response to Countrymouse. Robert doesn't sound like he is the POA financially or medically. This woman is sick and needs care. That would make her daughter's next of kin. Robert doesn't have a foot to stand on. Whether or not this woman's likes it. Robert has made poor decisions. The daughters need to be notified. I do not agree with you. Robert is not doing the best by her.
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I have worked in the field for 32 years. Something wrong!!!
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I don't know who Robert is or his relationship with this woman. Why hasn't he taken her to the hospital? Is she physically sick. That is a big ? What are the issues with the daughters, Robert! If this woman dies in the house because of neglect. He will be in jail. He has to justify his actions. Why can't he take her to the hospital and yes the daughters have the right to know blood is thicker than water. 1 and 1 is equals 3. Most of us know Dementia is not a sudden onset. Once it is diagnosised. They already had it for 5 years.
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who has her healthcare power of attorney? If it is one of her kids, you can tell them. If she has dementia, someone should have control over her healthcare issues. If it were me ( I worked in the field for 5 years) I would tell her children. When living with someone with dementia, go where they are. do what you need to do to diffuse a situation. Agree, don't argue, you won't win. good luck!
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If this lady has instructed you not to discuss her health with her daughters then IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES may you do so. It would be a flagrant breach of confidentiality. This bit is really simple.

The rest is less so. Clearly something is going on. Do you have contact details for this lady's GP/primary care physician? If so, call him or her and report what has happened, especially explaining any changes you have observed. If you cannot contact her own doctor, call emergency medical services and seek advice.

If, after that, you are still anxious about not informing the lady's daughters about their mother, do your best to obtain her consent to your contacting them. If she refuses then it can't be helped - you'll have done your best.
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Robert are you a family member. Anyone who has dementia. If you take them out of there daily routine, if they are sick and in the hospital. They are probably having delirium.. There is no pill for a delirium only time will keep her safe. Do not let the hospital give her any additional medication. This could make it worse. The only thing you can do with a delirium is keep her safe and she should stay in the hospital till this stops. I would call her two daughters too.
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Robert, how is it you are caring for this woman? Are you a relative? Inform her daughters immediately what her behaviors are and ask who has a POA. All promises are off since she does seem to be delusional and in need of professional care. Good luck!
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I have to agree with PBRyter. Trying to make an irrational person be and act rational is a losing battle. Whatever she's seeing, that is her reality. Being told it doesn't exist will most likely only frustrate her (and you) more. Imagine if someone tried to tell you that you weren't in your home when you are actually sitting on your couch watching your tv. And they insisted that you were not actually there but in another place altogether. That would be terrifying. Go along with what she's seeing. To argue that it's not real will only agitate her more.

Redirect her if you can. Get her attention on something else. I have a patient who can't understand why a nurse is coming to her house. She's not in her house, she's actually in a NH but trying to get her to believe this would only agitate her. This woman has a lot of beautiful clothes so when I see the agitation when I walk in I go to her closet and start bringing out some of her clothes, ooh'ing and ahh'ing over them and she tells me where she got them or if they were a gift I'll take that and run with it ("someone has good taste, who bought you this?"). This is usually enough to get her calm enough so I can evaluate her and move on. Redirecting takes a lot of energy on our parts but it's better than an agitated elderly person. Good luck! :-)
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I had a resident who just passed away last month. She used to have vivid (and wild!) dreams and, upon awakening, she would actually tell me all about it. Usually it would reflect our "activities". But once in a while it would be more fun. Once she told me I was chasing her with clean diaper. The other night is was a story about her daughter and I leaving the house and going to the bar where George Clooney was waiting for us.... Indeed, that guy was in her dreams a lot! I even thought I should write him and ask for the autograph.... Well, those dreams seemed very real to her and she would be really confused few minutes after waking up.... she did not have any dementia.
We were laughing almost every morning... I am missing her!
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