I am primary caregiver to my husband with dementia.

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Need a break . But want let me go anywhere without him. What do I do

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Oh, well, if he is not aware of his condition, it might be more challenging, but, is still doable. Have you discussed it with his doctor? Do you sense that he's just obsessed with not letting you out of his site OR is he afraid? I ask, because, my LO was afraid of things, because she sensed that something was wrong. She would ask me if things were real, was she dreaming or why things looked so different. She couldn't work things either and it scared her. The remote, the tv, the microwave, etc. Reading wasn't satisfying to her either, so, having me there with her gave her comfort. Often she's just say that she was scared. If you're seeing anything like that, I'd explore medication for anxiety. That really helped my LO a lot.

I like the suggestions above, but, if you can't get him to agree, then, I'd have to get the time away anyway. When people are not able to make rational decisions, then they just can't keep driving the bus and you have to make decisions that are for your own welfare as well as his.
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He thinks his health is better than ever
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My dad wasn't cooperative with my step mom needing respite - he was always a control freak and would raise a fuss about her leaving. You will get to the point where you are going to just have to do it whether he wants you to or not. Find good people to sit with him, get him meds, but you are going to break without a break.
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Jeanne, that's so awesome. I wish my mother was cooperative.
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Does your husband understand that he has dementia or that he is impaired? My husband did, and that made this a little easier for me. I could be direct and honest. "I need you to cooperate with going to the day program three days a week. I am trying my hardest to make it possible for you to stay at home. I need some time I can count on for going into the office [I worked from home] and taking care of my own appointments. You need to to your part, too."

At the quarterly conferences when the social worker asked, "What is your reason for being here," he always answered, "So Jeanne can have some time to herself."

Obviously simply laying out the truth will NOT work for everyone. But when it does, it sure makes things easier!
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It may help if you are able to discover what is causing your husband to have this anxiety. Is he afraid to be alone? Is he afraid that something will happen to you?

If he is afraid that something will happen to you when he is not there to "protect you". Telling him that you will be with someone that he knows and trusts may help alleviate this fear.

If he is afraid to be alone, then having a neighbor of friend "stop by" to visit with him while you take a break may work.

I have contacted neighbors and friends "behind the scenes" and asked them to invite my husband out to lunch so that I can have time to myself. This has worked out very well for us.

I also have a couple of different friends that come to visit with their husband. We plan beforehand for their husband to pair up with my husband so that I am free to go out with my girlfriend. This has worked out well for us too.

I also bought a used elliptical machine for the days that I need to take a walk and can't get away. Just hopping on the machine with a book helps me immensely.

To be honest, at first, it felt dishonest and manipulative to work out these "play dates" without my husband knowing. Now, I see that it is a necessary part of caregiving.
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Can you invite a friend to come and visit and after he arrives, say that you have to run a quick errand? This would have to be prearranged with the 'visitor'. Friend/relative or otherwise. Have you looked into adult daycare centers? If you can find one that sounds good, make arrangements to go for lunch one day. Stay with him through some early afternoon activities. If he seems to like it, suggest you give it a try when you have "haircut, nail salon or some other thing he would never want to go to". Dementia can give a person a serious feeling of insecurity. That may be what is going on.
Alternatively, can you plan something that would give pleasure to both of you? For example, go to a little league baseball game and bring a book to read while he watches the game. This is the best I can offer but I know others on this site will have great ideas. Good luck and take care of yourself.
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