Price is prohibitive for assisted living facilities. What have others done when it’s just too much money?

Thanks for all your wonderful answers. My situation is my only sibling, my younger brother passed away from brain cancer nearly 12 years ago at age 46. Dad died almost 5 years after my brother. Then her sister and brother died with two years of each other. So it has been very hard for her. My mother is not a social person at all. She is and always has been very shy and withdrawn. I have talked with her and she has mentioned that she thinks she would like to stay with me for a time. Maybe a trial period 🤫. She has one grandson that speaks with her. The rest are no contact with her. I have plenty of space in my home. I’m thinking I will have her here and see how things go. With my husbands health, we rarely go places. Life sure doesn’t turn out like we think does it. I enjoy going with my grandkids. They are my light. Thanks all for your voices. I have read each one. I’ll post what eventually happens and how things are. 🙂🙂

Don't discount assisted living facilities that have shared rooms for a much reduced rate. They don't tell you that up front since they want to rent you the private expensive rooms. My dad was in a very nice assisted living facility, but the price became too high when his needs increased to needing 24 hour care and they could not offer that. So I moved him to a residential care facility with 6 residents and it costs a few hundred less than the assisted living with full services, but at his new home they can meet his needs 24 hours (they don't like it, but they do it!) When I was looking for assisted livings, the rates varied GREATLY. There are some out there that cost much less, but you just don't get that hotel look and feel, but hell, who cares! Watch this video about creative ways to pay for long term care, maybe something will be helpful, but it's too much to write here! Here's the link:

http://bit.ly/2HW5f0S

Good luck!!

Marie1978, you asked what others have done. I moved my dad from Utah to Idaho where he lived with my family for 3.5 years. We managed, but it wasn't easy and it changed our lives. During that 3.5 years, I investigated and visited many memory care assisted living options because I was pretty sure that would be in his future. His income, even with maximum VA A&A benefits, covered only about half of the $6,000 monthly cost of the best facility I could find for him, where he lived the last 1.5 years of his 97 year life.

During the 3.5 years he lived with us, I saved all of his income to help pay for his future and as those savings became close to being depleted, I was forced to ask the trustee of his Utah home to resign, thus enabling his successor trustee to sell that home, which would have allowed him to pay memory care assisted living costs until he reached 101 years of age. He didn't last that long, but he was kept comfortable, had good care, and I visited him every day.

Qualifying for Medicaid assistance was also investigated as an option and I actually had a plan for that before ultimately choosing a facility that did not accept Medicaid. In many states, I believe including Utah, Medicaid will pay for memory care assisted living as well as for skilled nursing. Also, if your mother is a war-time veteran or if she was married to one, a Utah Veterans home in Ogden or Salt Lake City may be a excellent option for both your mother and yourself.

Best wishes in exploring your options and navigating the many difficult decisions ahead.

Marie, please look for options that do not include your home until you have a firm understanding of what your life would become and complete agreement with giving you up for your mom for the rest of her life.

In AZ the memory care facilities are in both assisted living and long term care facilities (nursing home/skilled nursing) do tons of research on how your city classifies and names facilities, it is so confusing.

I found out when my dad was in rehab that there are companies that help you find facilities that are within the patients price range. A place for mom wants to place you in the most expensive place and guilt you into paying the amount the patient cannot, I recommend NOT calling them. A local senior advisor will actually take you to tour facilities and help you understand how it works. The facility pays them so it doesn't cost you anything. I would go to a facility and check the waiting room/entrance for a booklet that has senior resources.

Please consider long and hard before moving her in with you.

Hugs! I know how scary, frustrating, overwhelming and confusing all of this is. One day at a time and breathe.

Senior low income apartments. Rent is based on 30% of gross income. Biggest drawback is waiting lists can be up to 3 or 4 years. In some areas even the waiting lists are closed.

My father lives in a low/moderate income senior housing apartment. Many towns have low or moderate income housing for seniors. You should check the housing department for your town. The rent is based on their income. The facility is quite nice, and he has his own apartment and I have private pay caregivers come to help him as well as I help out myself. They also have events (like bingo, holiday parties, etc.). Unfortunately your mother may need round the clock care so the cost of caregivers can also get expensive, but you can check with your local dept. of aging to see if they have any suggestions.

Medicaid will not be an option for Assisted Living unless your mom can self-pay for one year. Utah medicaid will not help pay for AL unless she’s been in AL for a minimum of 1 year. The facility also has to be Medicaid funded. If she can’t afford to self pay for a year, look in to adult day care. Also the area on aging might be able to help get her qualified for a few hours of respite care a week.

In my state, memory care facilities can be assisted living places, without the nursing services an actual "nursing home with memory care" provides. The one mthr is in is only 3500 a month, but she's been there for 7 years. It has maybe 30 patients, is a single story, and has very little turnover. They take no assistance except from veteran benefits. A small "board and care" home is a good choice.

I would not live with my elder - they deserve to have their own lives and I deserve to have mine. They can have their friends, and I can have mine. And there are parts of my loved ones that both of us would rather I not witness, but a paid caregiver would be fine (showering, incontinence issues). I think living apart is a good boundary.

Contact the Area Agency/Council on Aging in your area and find out what programs are available. An adult day care can provide daytime hours where your mother will be in safe and supervised care with other seniors, many provided transportation to and from home. Although my mother was resistant to attending day care, she eventually decided she really likes seeing her friends there. Talk to your mother's PCP, she may qualify for Medicare provided bathing assistance. Meals on Wheels not only provides a weekday meal, that's also an adult contact to check on your mother's welfare. If your mother can qualify for community Medicaid, she may also qualify for a few hours a week of in home care. Can you and your siblings rotate staying overnight at her house?

I wouldn't consider moving your mother into your home unless you have had a good relationship over the years and are willing to accept the changes in your life required to be responsible for an adult with limited abilities 24/7. Dementia brings on behaviors that are difficult to accept and live around and your elder is unable to acknowledge or change these behaviors. When there's a contentious relationship prior to the dementia onset, it is much harder to cope with these behaviors. Even when the relationship is good and the care giving is not burdensome, there is an impact on your life when you cannot attend events with friends or family because you need to stay home with your senior.

Sometimes you can find smaller "board and care" or ALs with 6-8 residents that provide more personal care at a reduced rate (compared to traditional ALs). They may not have as many scheduled activities but they provide a safe more home like environment.

When looking at financing AL/MC consider how long your mother could afford the fees and look for one that accepts Medicaid after a period of private pay. We sold our parents' home and drew down on those funds to supplement my father's monthly pension benefits. My mother lives with me and we use her funds for some in home respite care hours that allow me to attend a few evening events with family and friends.

When your mother becomes unable to stay alone at all, she will medically qualify for Medicaid. You will want to look over the financial qualification requirements so she can pass the 5 year look back when that day comes.

A consultation with a good elder law attorney would be a good idea too.

Marie1978, in my case I got my MIL into a nice place first (knowing she would run out of money shortly). They cannot kick them out if they accept Medicaid residents (this is why it's important to ask this question first). This way you can avoid a waiting list. The existing residents get first dibs at the Medicaid beds and this makes the waiting lists very long for "outsiders". Because of the amount of Baby Boomers aging out and the lack of care facilities, prices are driven up. As soon as they build enough the prices will eventually drop. But that doesn't help you right now.

Here in MN my MIL gets excellent care in a Presbyterian Homes (I think they are non-profit and consider what they do a mission, not just a job). Faith-based facilities are usually better priced and have good care. Medicaid rooms are shared rooms. Most facilities only have 3 or 4 Medicaid rooms because the govt doesn't reimburse them enough for them, hence the waiting list. They are not required to have them. Facilities are being built left and right and now they prices have stabilized a bit and will hopefully start to come down in the next few years.

I know this isn't an easy decision for you but caregiving just gets more and more intense physically, socially and emotionally. Don't assume you'll get a lot of family help or romanticize in-home care in any way.

Based on your profile info, your mother's personality issues will only be amplified when you are with her 24/7 and her mental abilities change. And your husband's health challenges on top of it all? You must also consider the impact it will have on him. I think this should be an "easy" decision for you. Blessings!

You need to get her on Medicaid for Long Term Care. Then you start the process of placing her in a SNF (skilled nursing facility). Some of those assisted living facilities may not accept Medicaid so you need to research nursing homes in your area that do. Then, start placing her on waiting lists if necessary. There will come a time when you won't be able to handle the care for her by yourself at your home so the sooner you get her on Medicaid and on waiting lists the better.

If you think Mom has too much money for Medicaid, you need to structure her income for her to qualify. There is always a way, see an Elder law attorney if necessary.

If you are thinking about AL not for profit ones generally do not have non refundable fees.

Have you considered Medicaid?