How to prevent a Will and POA from being changed? - AgingCare.com

How to prevent a Will and POA from being changed?

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My husband (the oldest of 4 sons) is POA and administer of his family trust. One of the middle sons age 56 has already borrowed $60,000. The will has noted he has rc'd an advance. He is now asking to "borrow" more funds (at least $35,000). He has never held a steady job and has twice been in rehab. He does nothing to help with her care or upkeep of the family home despite living 40 mins away. My husband has told him that that MIL (age 85) does not have money to loan/give away and also if she needed medicaid at some point the 5 year look back policies make it so she / the family trust cannot give him money. How do we, along with the two other brothers, prevent this middle brother from pressuring her to change her will, POA and and give him money? Family trust currently list my husband as the administer, but it is still under MIL SS#. We were recently told we need to get an separate tax id # for the trust. My husband and youngest brother are hoping to arrange a meeting with the elder law attorney my mother has used. Thank you in advance for your sage advice - I know it is coming.

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cmagnum - Thank you for sharing and words of support.
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I'm not sure that brother #2 was correct in going through his parents' house and removing anything he wanted. Is there anything in the Will about that?

I didn't go through my mom and step-dad's house while my mother was in the nursing home for 4 years before she died. I waited until after she had died and I had some help from other family members to know exactly what belonged to her and what belonged to my step-dad. Not having enough room in my own house and garage for many extra items, I only selected a few but important items. The largest part of my inheritance came from the accounts, CDs and investments that my mother had personally that she had made me joint owner of with suvivorship years ago. She had her money separate from my step-dad's money and they had a joint account together which is what they lived off of. Her long term care insurance policy turned out to be a great choice.

I highly doubt that I will inherit much form my dad who has Alzhiemer's and Parkinson's because unlike my mom, his money is not in any separate accounts that I am joint owner of. Instead, what is not spent on his care at home with 24/7 caregivers working in 8 hour shifts minus what his long term care insurance policy covers will be divided equally between my step-sister who is the POA and Executor of the Will, my step-brother who does not get along with my dad, and with me with the adjustment that my third will be divided between myself and our two boys. That is fine with me for that is how he and my step-mother wrote everything up in their joint will.

You and your husband will survive being sandwiched between both mothers with all of the extra challenges that lay before you because of that. Remember to do some nice things for yourselves both individually and as a couple. I'll give you the same advice that young parents are often told, don't loose each other while your raising children which in this situation needs re-wording into don't loose each other while tending to aging mothers. I wish you the best and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and the light is not an oncoming train.
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I say go forward with the elder law attorney appointment!
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I'm not certain what I meant by the (dil).
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Yes, it is. Family dynamics change with death (dil) and money. Oldest, my husband, and youngest do the most and have never asked for any type of monetary or other type of help. Brother #2 says he doesn't care about anything, but will be the first in line to get any inheritance. He has gone through the home and removed anything he wanted. Husband and youngest brother have not touched a thing - and won't. Brother #3 is the one expecting a free ride in life. My husband and I are the sandwich generation - being squeezed between both our mothers. It will get better. And we can live happier knowing we are doing the right by our moms and fathers.
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What a mess!
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It was an advance on his inheritance. My husband (pre his being active as her POA) and MIL spoke with the person who handled her estate planning and family trust. He prepared something that is now part of the will indicating he rc'd $60,000. I know about 10 months ago he was asking for money because he was being audited by the IRS for a specific year and wanted an attorney. I'm suspect they wonder how anyone can afford to live and make any house payment * (see note below) and survive when he has not been employed for years. He is not even being paid under the table as far as we know. He did maintenance work, several years ago, for which he was always paid under the table. *He purchased a duplex several years ago at high interest w/ a balloon payment. He had/has bad credit. It was a former meth house. I imagine he manages to make the house payment from the rent he gets for the half her has rented out to a long time renter/friend. The duplex is underwater financially. I say let him loose it, get a job and rent a studio apt.
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I believe the $60,000 that the brother "borrowed" from his mom would be considered a gift in the eyes of the IRS and in light of gift taxing laws increased his mother's tax liability. When did he get this loan? If she gave it to him as a loan, I think that it is still considered a gift and thus she is liable for taxes not him.
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Thanks to each of you. Mil lives on on, but we do have someone coming in a few times a week to help with foot care, cleaning and driving her to church, store, etc. We have to stay on top of banking issues as she is a big donor (protecting her ss, politics, magazines, etc.). We know not to allow him to do any work for her or to move in to "help" - having told him we are not mixing business and family. And yes, he is very lazy and irresponsible.
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I'd like to be a fly on the wallpaper when the attorney informs brother that he will be getting a 1099 and have to pay income tax on all that money. LOL.
cmagnum is right, get full Guardian status NOW before the lazy slob drains her dry. If brother wants to challenge that, he can pay for his own attorney, out of his funds and not by the Trust.
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