How do I prevent an elderly loved one from wandering out of the house at night?

Wandering behavior is a game-changer. You can't lock her inside her apartment at night, she needs a way out if there's a fire and for someone with dementia living alone there's always a risk of a fire.

But let's say you do lock her in overnight. What happens when she tries the door to get out and it won't open? Will she stand there pulling on the door knob trying to get out? Will she panic and throw something at the door to get it to open? Will she break a window?

While your heart's in the right place, locking your loved one inside at night is not only risky but is on par with physically restraining her.

Once someone begins to wander it's time to look for alternative living arrangements such as a skilled nursing facility. Otherwise it's just a tragic accident waiting to happen.

noblerare, I agree with Eyerishlass above, this wandering needs immediate attention. Time either for paid caregivers to come into her home, if she allows it, or time for her to downsize to senior living.

My Dad had sundowning, so he would get confused at night. It was then that the Staff recommended Dad move from their Independent Living section over to their Memory Care. It was a hard decision as I didn't think my Dad was ready for that, but the Staff was around Dad a lot more than I was, so I agreed.

I showed Dad one of the rooms in Memory Care, and joked with him that it is the size of a college dorm. His main concern was the food going to be prepared by the same chef, and I said yes... that sealed the deal :)

The timing was good because I was starting to worry about Dad leaving the Independent Living on his own. Now he was in a secured building, the place was built like a Victorian Hotel so it didn't feel like he was being jailed. Dad could roam all over the building but he couldn't go out the front door.

At this point, her safety is going to be much more important than letting her live "independently" with your help. Aides and you going over there a million times a day is delaying the inevitable nursing home placement. She needs memory care or skilled nursing where she can't wander outdoors and get lost. She might not be happy but clean, safe and fed are more important than her happiness.

DO NOT devise a way to lock her in! This is illegal.

A few years back there was an older couple in my area who locked their adult disabled son in their home while they ran a quick errand to the store. The house caught fire and the son died. The older couple were charged with manslaughter.

Sorry to be so graphic and grim - but it happens. Don't let it happen to you!

First of all she has no business living by herself.

I agree wandering at night is a GAME CHANGER. She needs night care/lisenced-bonded person in her apt. Or she could stay with you nights or you could stay with her or she may now need a memory care locked facility.
I'm now caring for my mom, who has dementia, and is a flight risk. Do not leave her alone at night, please.

Locking in is the worst idea. My dad's doctor floated this idea last summer, for my mom to lock the two of them in the house at night in a manner that would take some extra doing to escape. Besides the previously mentioned possibility of tragedy, what does it do to the person's mental state to be trapped? We were afraid my dad might start breaking windows, other things, or harm my mom in her sleep. Wandering is a game changer. I live a block away from my parents and found my dad laying in my driveway at midnight one night. If I had not found him he would have laid there for 5-6 more hours and probably been hit by the sprinkler system incessantly. We moved him to a memory care facility 2 months ago. A friend of mine keeps his mother in law at home and the local police have found her wandering a cemetery 2 blocks away, during the middle of the night, and brought her home in the patrol car (several times!). My friend is miserable since moving his wife's mother into their house...don't do it!

My mom lives with me and she started wandering about a year ago. The best and safest answer is to hire someone to come in at night to stay with her. However, if you are thinking of moving her to a dementia facility, then now would be the time.
I will keep mom home for as long as possible, hopefully to the end. But I am realistic about it as well. The night aide has been a life saver. But I still put double deadbolt locks on the doors, meaning they are keyed on both the inside and outside. I have the keys located by the doors (inside and outside) so everyone can grab the key quickly, but where mom can't get to it. I still have door sensors on all the doors leading to the outside, but my goal is to prevent incidents from happening. So the deadbolts prevent her from getting outside, but the keys are readily available to whoever is with mom. Mom is never left alone, she has someone with her 24/7. Best of luck. Take care of yourself.

It sounds like she needs to be in a memory care facility. It's one thing to want a breath of fresh air in the middle of the night, who doesn't? You get up for a drink of water or a bathroom break and then a quick breath of fresh air. However, it can be risky when someone has dementia or even Alzheimer's. Oddly enough though for my foster dad, he had dementia and he wouldn't even go out after dark. However though, he still ended up in a facility

I agree with everyone above. My mom lived with me for two years and once she started wandering I knew it was time for placement. In my opinion, if my mother got lost on my watch; that would be negligent on my part.

If you don't want to move her, you could try hiring an overnight caregiver and see how that goes. The person would have to be trained in dementia behaviors.

She should not be left alone, given her symptoms. She needs care 24/7. It is irresponsible to rely on security guards to return her to her apartment.
Wandering is dangerous to an individual with dementia. Read the horror stories. You would feel terrible if she met with danger while wandering.
This is a serious problem-find a solution before she comes to harm.

Good answers so far. When my friend became incontinent and started to wander--going out of her condo and into the one next door looking for her husband who was just in the bathroom--that condo owner phoned me. Her part-time caregiver told me she needed 24 hour care and I hired her and another who rotated weeks to stay with them, at a cost of some $13,000 a month. They had a key-locked dead bolt and would remove the key so no one could get out, but they were there with the key if anyone needed to go out. That kept her safe and she did come downstairs at night and try the door, then drink something and go back up to bed. Shortly after this began, I was able to get them into a one bedroom memory care apartment on a locked floor where she was safe and watched over and at less of a cost--down to $11,000 a month for the two of them. It sounds like your elderly loved one is at the same stage. Someone needs to be with her or she needs to be in a locked facility for her safety and well-being. There aren't many other choices at this point. Moving her to be with you? Cheaper, but a big responsibility and tough to do alone. I wish this great nation of ours would come up with some compassionate and less expensive alternatives for the care of its elderly. Other countries have managed to figure this out.

Get someone immediately to stay with her. Sounds like she does everything for herself and just a sitter is needed. My mom feel off a couch and went outside and hollered for help. Fortunately, 2 women were walking by and called 911. I have someone who sits with her when I'm not home. She lives with me. Do you have any family who live near by and you could pay them instead of an agency? Maybe an elderly friend.

Unfortunately, it sounds like it is time for full time help.. I also searched for a device and the only available device was a pendant or wristband from 5 Star ("mygreatcall.com) that will tell you where there but not, when they escape. My research showed that an alarm company can alarm a building, such as they do in nursing homes, but it would be many thousands of dollars. There are cheap alarms from Walmart that are meant for hotel residents that once activated would ring a shrill sound when the door is opened from either the inside or outside..but who would respond to this? The noise is pretty annoying.
Seems like you need an aide at this point or an assisted living with a dementia wing that is locked.
I wish you the best!

Persons with dementia cannot safely live alone after the very earliest stage. You seem to have been able to extend that time with your frequent visits from nearby. Good for you! Celebrate that little victory.

Even with you nearby, your elderly loved one can no longer safely live alone. A nighttime caregiver is not enough. While the wandering so far has been at night, there is nothing to prevent wandering at any time of the day or night. You might visit, leave at 2:30 pm, and she goes out wandering at 2:40 -- which you discover at your next visit at 4:00 pm.

Dementia is a sad and cruel disease, hurting those who have it and those who love them. The sad truth here is that your loved one can no longer live alone. She needs 24 hour supervision, preferably from three shifts of rested, trained people who have immediate backup if they need it, and in a secure environment.

I read a lot of answers that said you can't. But I don't remember seeing one that suggests a "door alarm."

A door alarm would wake you when she goes traveling. I think you mentioned Assisted Living - have you asked them what they suggest?

RayLin, a door alarm might work if the OP lived with the wanderer. But noblerare only lives nearby. This is what we mean by suggesting the wanderer can no longer safely live alone.

For wanderers with dementia who live with someone, a door alarm is a good idea.

A few years ago there was a great to-do about an elderly couple who lived on a farm in my state. She had dementia and wandered day or night. There are lots of dangers on a farm that person with reduced mental capacity wouldn't be safe around. The husband used a bicycle chain over his wife and in his hand as they sat in side-by-side chairs watching television. Then in case he dozed off he would know when his wife was getting up. The chain did not restrain her -- it was just a way to notify him she was up. Well someone reported this, the sheriff came, saw the arrangement, took the husband off to jail (!) and the wife to a care center. You can imagine the outcry when this hit the papers! Within a couple of days the couple was reunited at their home, and social services got involved to provide them lots of help. The newspaper accounts urged other older people who were having health challenges to get in touch with social services!

An alarm on every door would have been better than a bicycle chain for this rural couple.

Maybe a paid companion at night?
Good that they live in a closed building.
We also put stick on battery operated alarms on each door. The sound caught their attention (and you can tell them it sends a signal to the security company, there is no company, but they don't know that).
Putting more than one on the same door can make enough noise to really startle them, and get their attention. (Home depot, Lowes, etc have them inexpensively).

Also many police departments participate in 'Project Lifesaver' and provide a hard to remove wrist band with a rfid type thing that allows them to track and find a missing person, but also if they are found wandering, they scan it and can get all of their info, including the family contact info in an instant.
I know these are only temporary protective layers at this point as your loved one seems to be progressing to the state of really needing a live in care taker or to move in with family or into assisted living.
It is not an easy decision and transition to make for anyone.

You're going to have to hire a night-duty nurse. She should not be left alone.

To all the people who have suggested a night aide: What about day-time wandering? What would keep her from wandering 10 minutes after noblerare has finished visiting her? People at this stage cannot be alone either in the night or during the day.

Time for a skilled nursing home or a good memory care facility. My mom was found in her nightie wandering in the bushes down the street. The police brought her home. The caregiver and housekeeper were busy in the kitchen and mom somehow slipped out of the house unnoticed.