How do I prevent Dad's anger when I refuse to stop and buy him alcohol?

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When I drive my Dad to my families Thanksgiving, His caregiver does not allow him to drink, because it of the medicine that he takes. Technically he could have one drink but 1) has no impulse control and would not be able to limit himself and 2) in his youth, men drank, that was a given. Yes, I do think the problem is more of a control issue, but I can't solve that todasy. i just want to have a day out with him where he doesn't try to guilt me into giving in, and then be so furious he gets in a snit and doesn't enjoy his holiday with his family who he normally pines for..

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My grandfather has AD and has always drank. He also gets very agitated if we don't give him any. Instead I have bought him O'Douls, which is a non-alcoholic beverage, that taste just like beer. If he ask for wine, then I will give him literally a tablespoon of wine, just for the taste and fill the rest of the drink with juice.
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ruralwannabe if the doctor says it is ok for white wine, try *Barefoot* Riesling.... Barefoot brand has other white wines, good to try because of the low very affordable price.

Anyway, I can't tell a $100 bottle of wine from a $6.00 bottle :P
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Nice whites tend not to be the lower alcohol ones, is the trouble, although whites are less alcoholic than reds as a rule. Also the really, really nice ones are eye-wateringly expensive. But to get some depth of flavour (not sure how well it would go with turkey, mind) you could try a Hock, which is medium dry, or a top-notch Chablis which is delicious but pricey. Pouilly Fumé is a good one, too. Or, if you're after something post prandial, you could get a bottle of Tokaj which should put everyone to sleep over coffee (but it's delicious, even if no one could drink more than a thimbleful, surely). I'm sure there must be some super Californian whites - do you have a local wine merchant you could consult?

Um. To be honest, though, especially bearing in mind recent press about it, I'd be asking about an alternative to the Valium. Benzodiazepines have been getting a bad name.

En route to the dinner, is he wanting to stop off somewhere for a "pre-lash" as young people today seem to be calling it? Or just wanting to buy a bottle to take to the party? Either way, is there a possible "scenic route" you could take that, oh what a pity, doesn't take you past any venues?
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If your dad is an alcoholic, ZERO liquor is the rule, else if his doctor is ok with it, why not. One, maybe 2? I also found alcohol free wine, allows you to enjoy the toasting ritual without the alcohol.....found in most groceries, the brand name is Fre.
Unless he has access to at least one bottle, impulse control is not much of a problem.
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Well the first two and then Countrymouse hit the problem square. Most issues with seniors are about control issues and whether one has the right to "judge"... there is a lot of between the lines that some people get and others want to help, but don't have an emotional grasp of the problem. He does have the one glass of wine (or two or three conditions permitting) - and the chivas is indeed the desire - for that EFFECT of ..... ah .... when that "medication" kicks in. As much as he says just one, chivas talks a lot louder than wine. Since I'm digressing I'll add he finally decided he DID like the mellowing effect of the red wine, now his doc says no to that, cause of a "platelet" issue. And I can't think of any good white wines. (suggestions?)

Oh,and the reason he can't have it is Valium that takes "as needed" for a couple serious issues .... PTSD, and recurrent thing we call the "shakes", a nerve thing he's never figured out what causes, and valium calms it. SO .... when I read about mixing the two is they quadruple the effects of each other. So I think, taking literally, as long as you have someone there to monitor his intake, he can drink a little.

Back to the current problem, driving him to the event. he has impulse control and has an explosive nature - talking it out first is the best idea, because a large part of the control issue is having your say.

Taking all you've all said into consideration doesn't solve the problem, but will help me remember, and honestly, all those things is all that can be done are being done. The watering down doesn't work,,nor the near beer, but I have been able to get one bottle of a beer call it really special, and talk him into sharing it with me in a celebratory way, that works really well. Because it is all about love, and control. The alcohol "effect" is invocative of happier (and powerful) times for him. He's used to being a driving force in other's lives. It is sweet, now that the shoe is on the other foot he is very grateful when others will stop their lives to help him. And although we have a big family, there is no selection of relatives to call to drive....

Thanks for your help, I will be posting more, many problems here!
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I understand the point about your father's impulse control. And speaking only for myself, I find it a heck of a lot easier to drink no alcohol at all - when I'm driving, for example - than to have "just one" and remember exactly when I did and how large the glass was and how long before we're planning to leave and how long does it take to metabolise one unit of alcohol again..? It is also, sadly, true that once you've had one glass of wine a second suddenly seems like a really nice idea…

So, anyway, it's a lot easier to drink no alcohol at all and polish your halo.

But it's a bit miserable for your father to sit there at Thanksgiving dinner while everyone else is having a merry time of it and not be "allowed" a drink. He's not a child, after all. Who is his caregiver who's put the kibosh on the idea?

Treading extremely carefully, you could check what medication it is that contraindicates his having occasional drinks, and see how strict this prohibition is exactly. You have to do this sub rosa, not letting on to your father that you're even thinking about it. Then use your own judgement. If the label states, plain as the nose on your face, "Do Not Take With Alcohol" then it's doctor's orders - keep the label with you, and when your father starts up about it just hold it up and point. If the drug information leaflet, on the other hand, doesn't say a solitary word on the subject of drinking, you might want to confirm this no alcohol recommendation with your father's doctor. And *should* you get the go ahead, then bring him a nice bottle of something that wouldn't knock over a baby gnat and let him take that to the dinner as his treat.

Of course it also slightly depends on what he considers to constitute "a drink." If he means a double Chivas Regal, you have a problem. You'll just have to be as hypocritical as you can manage, sympathise hugely, and tell him you don't want to be the one who does him in.
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Could your Dad drink non-alcoholic beer or wine? If so, check the internet to see which ones are the best.

I remember on one *The Honeymooners* shows Alice had poured some grape juice into a wine bottle. Later Ralph found the wine bottle, he and his buddy Ed Norton decided to have a glass of wine. It was interesting to see how subconsciously the brain thought it was alcohol and the guys were acting like they were drinking too much wine. Oops.
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It depends on whether there's alcohol at the dinner or not. If there isn't, then maybe when you call him the day before to tell him when you'll pick him up, you could address that you're not stopping for alcohol since it's contraindicated by his meds. And that no amount of arguing on the way will cause this to happen so could you two please just be able to enjoy the time together with family.

But if there's alcohol at the dinner, then there's the issue of creating a scene by trying to make sure he doesn't drink. That's a whole lot touchier situation.
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Is he just difficult or is an alcoholic? If he is an alcoholic, then I hesitate to recommend you give him any alcohol, but if he isn't then why not pull out and serve him a small airline bottle of alcohol at the dinner? It's one serving and that's it.

If he asked on the way about it, I would say the alcohol is already there. And the amount you can keep to yourself. It's a single serving size. Also wine comes in single serving sizes now too.

I would be careful though. Many medications have caution when using alcohol. I know you said he can have one drink, but ,I'm not sure I would risk it.
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He probably almost certainly wants to bring a bottle, that is what a good guest does. Can you buy one of those gussied up sets that they sell this time of year? Can YOU and the host family limit him or water down what he's drinking?
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