Preparing for reality yet hoping for different. Hospice discussion yesterday. Can you share your experience?

Personal opinion here. (and I will say I am PRO Hospice)
It does not matter if it is 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months or 3 years..
If he is eligible for Hospice now as long as there is a continued decline he can remain on Hospice.
With Hospice you as well as he will get support. Emotional Support, Education, Encouragement as well as help. A Nurse at least 1 time a week, a CNA at least 2 times a week and all the equipment and supplies you need.

By the way you need to remove the "Guilt" from your vocabulary. Try another "G" word. Greif or Gloom. Substitute it also with Gratitude for having a father that you care about and that you obviously care deeply about.

I can tell you what you should not do.
Do not have a feeding tube placed,.
Do not have IV's for hydration.
What you should do is have a POLST (more detailed than a DNR, it may be called by other terms in some states)
Spend time with him.

And thanks to someone that mentioned this in a comment on here I have been listening to Hospice Nurse Julie. She has YouTube and I have seen her on FB. She is honest, informative and matter of fact about Hospice and Death and Dying. Look at a few of her videos.

The gamut of emotions is normal. But please don’t torture yourself with guilt! You’ve done nothing wrong and you obviously love your dad very much. None of this is your fault.

As others have said on here, guilt is really another form of grief.

Prepare for the worst and hope for different.
You said it perfectly. Many of us face it or will have to.

Nothing you can do but make him comfortable. Sounds like you're doing a great job so far.

Demnta,

Back in December you posted to us that your Dad could no longer safely swallow--he was at that time on a puree diet according to your post.
I don't know how long he has been on Hospice care, but I am relieved that he is.

You mention guilt, Demnta, and I find that disturbing. Guilt is for those who have caused harm. You haven't caused this, and you can't cure it.
I am thankful that Hospice is being honest and that they are trying to prepare you for this loss. I am worried that you are not looking at peace for your father as his deserved rest, as a release from all he is going through.
I know that you know there is no cure, but I worry about your support system in facing this final loss, in finding a way to mourn your great loss, yes, but to celebrate all of the love you clearly have for your Dad, all of the happy memories you shared together, and for celebrating his release from torment, and his move to the heavenly home your faith tells you awaits him.

I would like to suggest you seek some counseling and the Hospice can help to guide you toward good grief counseling. I think best at this work are Licensed Social Workers in private practice who can help guide your thinking, and who can help when you are overwhelmed by your grief.

My heart goes out to you, and I truly wish you peace and comfort. Grief comes to us all in life, and is the price we pay for having known great love, which is a gift beyond compare.

Hospice is wonderful and not a death warrant. He'll continue to be treated for the infections with oral antibiotics, so don't worry about that.

When I was very suddenly faced with this for my dad through his terminal cancer diagnosis after no symptoms, the way I got through it was by coming to the realization that life really is a circle that comes to a natural conclusion. That last journey isn't necessarily expected, the way we want it, nor enjoyable for anyone, but it is all normal. I just made the decision to help him live that part of his life just as he'd lived the rest of it -- with dignity.

What we do for our loved ones at the end of their days can be the greatest gift we can give them. Feel free to grieve and be sad, but you still have time to show him you love him.

Concentrate on enjoying his last days with him, nothing more. We are all born to die, it is the normal evolution of time and space.

There is no room for guilt, it is a self-imposed emotion that will keep you stuck and under unneeded stress.

Think about what you have done, not what you haven't, we are mere mortals doing the best we can in life.

Sending support your way.

After dad went on hospice care, he developed a pretty bad UTI. Of course antibiotics were administered but he never was able to really recover, so the downhill slide began in earnest. He passed away within 19 days., comfortably and without agitation, thank God.

Best of luck to you

Prayers for you and yours. I been through this three times. You get to feel all these emotions and no one gets to tell you not to! Allow hospice to do their thing. Keep praying and so will your friends here. When you called hospice you did right and they will help you.! thumbs up!

Please seek out a grief counselor.............Letting go may require some medications, but guided mindfulness meditation (I learned how to do it at our local hospital)can help your throughout the rest of your life.

There is no right or wrong, only acceptance and compassion will help you go through your Dad's final days.