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As I've shared in previous posts, I live with my 72 year old cousin who suffers from dementia. I am her caregiver, 63 years old with congestive heart failure. So, not the best choice to tend to her long-term care but the only person in her life willing to do so.


About a year ago, we went to an attorney who claimed to be an elder care attorney to set up our wills and POAs. He created all our documents, but offered no advice as to how to navigate the obstacle course ahead of us. Several months after we spent quite a bit of money to set everything up, my cousin's brother asked to be removed as her POA after me as he didn't want the responsibility.


So back we went to insert another family member in his place. With another fee, of course. We discussed the plan was to keep my cousin in her home with live-in help for as long as the money would last, which isn't long. We have discovered this other family member no longer agrees with this and would immediately have her placed in long term care.


I've been reading about what to do if there is no family member to take over upon my death and am very confused. One article says I should find a fiduciary and also a trustee which is all fine and good except there isn't that much money and I'd hate to see it all go to administrators.


That's the long way around of asking for some advice as to how to set up the paperwork properly for this third and hopefully last time.


Can you offer me any ideas for how best to set this up and what other questions I should ask of the attorney. I am so overwhelmed with the responsibility of this and have no family to offer advice or support.



I appreciate any help you can offer.

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A fudiciary or a trustee will not provide care and with all of the problems with caregivers it would be costly to have an hourly fudiciary.

Perhaps looking at the reality that a facility is probably the best option in the future and pick some out that would be acceptable would help alleviate some of these issues.

I have one, if things don't change there that I would be happy to live at. Good food (I don't have to cook) housekeeping, activities and socialization if I want.

I hope you find a solution that works for both of you.

Take care of that CHF and you can live many years with it.

Hugs for taking care of your cousin 🤗
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Would it be so bad that cousin eventually has to enter LTC. Dementia will only get worse and with CHF you won't be able to help her. You also say money will not last long. So what is ur plan when it runs out? The only responsibility a POA has is to handle the money and make medical decisions when person can no longer make them. They are not responsible to care for the person just make sure they are cared for. Its going to be hard to find someone if you expect them to do what you have done.
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