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I tried this 3 years ago, but my husband became enraged, he seems to be declining rather quickly now, but still very opinionated - I have tried briefly explaining what we will be doing but that talk leaves his mind in a few minutes, just need a little reassurance as I am getting pretty nervous about this.

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The mistrust is just part of the disease, I think. So many people have that problem with the relative who is suffering from dementia. My Mom tells my Dad all the time that things would be so much easier if he would just trust that she and I are taking care of him, that we won't let anything happen to him, that things are running smoothly! When she tells him this he asserts that he does trust us...he just wants to make sure we're taking care of things! Dad doesn't want to take any money out of the bank, isn't interested in that at all...but he DOES, also, ask whether his retirement check has come yet. We explain that it is deposited directly into the back, but he sometimes doesn't understand this. Strangely, he doesn't ask about his SS payment. He says he just wants to make sure there's enough money to pay for things, the "rent" on the house, etc. It does no good to tell him that he owns the house, he'll go right back to the same line of questioning another day. He'll say, "We own this house?"...then "Who are those other people living here then?" I just tell him there's enough money to take care of everything...if not, he'd be out on his ear! The other week he said that he wants to be sure he gets his military retirement because the government might have gotten his account messed up and forgot to send it. Or the government might have run out of money!
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if he is anything like my husband, many times he confuses me with someone else, that could be the problem you are having. I broached this subject on many occasions, but when the time was right, he finally completed the POA papers. I hate that everything falls on you as I know how you feel, I do it all also. it is a shame he has such easy access to the bank, that has to be rough on you, I know there is no way to stop some of the things they do. Today my husband wanted all his money out of our banks, wants to see his retirement SS checks ( like he does not trust me) trying to explain that these type of checks are direct deposited is a waste of time, he does not want to hear that, he wants his way. Finally the subject got changed. Another day down! We can talk anytime you want, it does help!
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What do I do and how do I handle my situation when my husband does not trust me, his spouse. I have the POA document all ready to be notorized and signed by my husband but he is not comfortable putting matters in my hands. It all boils down to fear and wanting to stay in control of his monies. I have done just about everything even to include talking with the manager of his bank, they are aware of his situation, (alzheimers - repeating himself, confused about his bank statements), he practically lives in the bank trying to understand how and why his balance is low and other issues. They informed me they cannot assist in any way as far as mentioning to him or coaxing him into signing. I even had an attorney and her assistant come out to my home with all of my family there and explain about will, estate planning and POA. He showed an interest and even wanted to set up an appointment, at the time of the appointment remembers nothing. My concern is where is this mistrust coming from towards me of all people. I give him his meds, his meals, drive him everywhere, you name it. Everything falls on me 24/7, caretaker, spouse and friend....
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We met with our attorney last evening, being a familiar friend of ours he spoke to my husband in very calm tones explaining what he would be signing, he read every page, did ask the attorney two questions, seemed content (I was a wreck all day with anticipation) he initialed each page (on three sets of originals, then signed & our witness signed, we all then went out for a drink afterwards, I feel like 1 million tons of pressure are lifted off me today with the POA being signed. Thanks for helping me get through this.... Today he does not remember last evening at all, but is calm & sweet
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If he starts to get agitated, try reminding him that we're here to make sure no one can take advantage of him, both financially and medically, in case he gets to where he needs more help because there are some crazy people out there that do that. And that you want to make sure he gets the best care available for him if he gets to where he can't handle his affairs anymore and you can't do that without having a POA. Be sure and reassure him that it doesn't mean you have total control over him, that he still has all his rights and independence - that it's just in case he gets to where he CAN'T do it anymore. Good luck!!
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Thanks Jean so actually our lawyer will know when the time is right.

To the 1 st answer thanks it is POA financial & medical that I needed done
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The lawyer will probably make sure that he understands the gist of what he is signing. If it is a DPOA, for example, your husband should understand that it gives someone (you?) authority to take of his financial and legal business if he cannot.

I took care of the paperwork early on, when my husband was periodically very paranoid. I warned the lawyer that he would be able to understand an explanation but might not agree to sign. She said that was OK and she'd just come back until she caught him in a more lucid frame of mind. But it worked out fine the first time.

Good luck!
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I don't understand what you're seeing the lawyer for. Is this a will for your husband or what? If it's a will, then I'd just tell him that 'we're here to see a lawyer about planning for the future' and leave it at that. But I'm not sure what you're referring to. Sorry.
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