My brother is POA and his girlfriend is caregiver to my mother, she has dementia. They won't let me see my mother. What can I do?

I learned through a third party the other day that mother is being treated as a hospice patient, so I went ahead and went over to see her yesterday...and my brother threatened to call the sheriff and have me removed from his property.

I am doing nothing to deserve this...it is just his last gasp at having some control over his big sister who he does not like.

I don't know how to process any of this, it is emotionally draining and exasperating and so just plain mean. I could likely get some kind of legal protection, but that would just upset Mother, I fear.

I guess I will simply step away and let my Mother go...my brother could easily out-lawyer me, as I have no money and he has alot...and time is ticking away and I guess I will take it one day at a time, but for today, I am just trying to quit thinking about it all the time so I can get my work done and not go crazy with how wrong this all is.

I have a 90 year old mother who has alz/dem. She made my older brother POA a few years ago. All the account that had my name on them are gone. I don't know where they are, but he does. I can't reach my mother, she lives 60 miles from me and is in her home which goes to my brother upon her death. My brother won't return my calls, letters. I don't know if mom is home, in SNL, etc. I'm afraid I won't see her again. I have an attorney for elder law, probate etc. They say they can't do anything since my brother is dodging my calls. Is there any agency that could help me. My mothers lawyer called mine wanting me to sign the last of her stocks over and I have refused unless I talk to her. That was 4 weeks ago. I had the local police do a welfare check, they told me she said, let her talk to my lawyer! She would never say or do this if she was in her right mind! Can anyone help me?

Why do mothers always put men in charge of their healthcare? Even if it is their son. Men have a tendency to make unemotional decisions and this isn't always a good thing. I would talk to your brother. He is the one who has to negotiate his girlfriend's relationship with you. I would pick at him about seeing mom as much as I needed to. They have no right to keep her from you. Screwballs....geez what's wrong with people? Or should I call them poople?

I am working on trying to be less emotional about this, before I talk to anyone. It is all just so hurtful and I never did anything to my brother, except no agree with him. We have never really argued, have almost no contact, well until yesterday when he threatened to have the law come and kick me out. For what? I was sitting on the couch quietly talking to my mother...in her OWN house, which SHE BUILT, but on his property, about 30 feet from his house. He just kept saying, "You are on private property." I left, finally. It was heartbreaking and infuriating, which is why I just need to cool off...and talk to a lawyer soon, but this has me tied up in knots....it is so not right.

My brothers are also emotionall detached. Thier answer is , Put her in a home. They do noteven understand Dimentia nor have they tried to. They want to sell her home and be done with it. Just BS in my eyes.

You need to get legal help. Or talk to your brother and help he realize that this is also your Mom and you have rights to see her. I do not know the reasoning for his decision to not allow you to see her but, this is no time for him or your sister in law to play god. So get up and do what you need tot do to make it happen.

I have a wonderful husband of 30 years and i have a son also, but I prefer my daughter making healthcare decisions for me. She isn't a nurse and I prefer it that way. I have nurses in my family, including my mother and mother in law, and they have a tendency to think they know as much as doctors. They bullied the medical staff trying to help my dad while he was in the hospital. They pointed out every bad thing they thought the hospital was doing and it was all a crock and nothing but a distraction to the doctors. When my brother decided to leave my father in a nursing home he told me that if I would take the emotion out of the situation that I would see it was the best thing. I'm glad mom and I made the emotional decision of taking my dad home. Even through the dementia my dad told us how grateful he was to be out of that place and that it just goes to show that the lord answers prayer. Most people do choose their sons to manage their elder years....for me executor is o.k....but healthcare surrogate? Nope. And I have a stellar son. His only fault is he's male and men are masters of controlling their emotions. That's the only point I was trying to make.

Yes you have I try and try and try she always says she is not up to it I can not drag her in ????

As someone stated, are they even people? Unless there is a restraining order I don't think they can legally keep you away. However, if it is your brothers house I guess he has the right to keep anyone he wants away.
I would call the non emergency police number and see if there is anything you can do today/tomorrow. Maybe they would be wlling to be a stand by so they can witness you being denied access and then you could fill out a police report

while doing that i would get on the phone and start asking elder law attorneys if they can legally keep you away from your mother; jot down all the answers

while you are waiting for call backs from the attorneys i would calll the alz 800 number toll free and they have social workers that might be able to direct you

this completely sucks and I feel for you; this is....I don't even know the word! What have they said to keep you away?

My sister hasn't seen my mom in 5 years; my sister is twisted and falls in the is she people category. she is so twisted that she is probably telling everyone i won't let her see my mother...

I should probably make it clear to sister all the times i have suggested come and see mom, invite mom to see you etc. any ideas on such a letter?

My heart goes out to you. Please please let us know the outcome. personally, i am worried about you and for you.

I have a similar problem. My mother lives in a house she built on my brother's land, very close to his house. I was told AGAIN a few weeks ago that I am "not welcome" on their property. I have no relationship with my brother or his wife and have not for some years now, so there is no ongoing fight on anything, just this long-standing animosity.

My Mother is 88, if often in ill health and when she is hospitalized, which she often is, I do not even know about it until she is well enough to call me herself.

This is a ridiculous situation and I do not know what to do about it. Can my brother keep me from "trespassing" on this property without some kind of reason other than that he doesn't like me?

We have had no altercations, there has been no fighting, no violence, just this statement that they do not want me around. For awhile, I just went and visited anyway, but my sister-in-law has recently re-stated her feelings about this one day when I was at my mom's house. She came over and yelled at me. I left. My mother is too afraid of (and too dependent upon them) to stand up to either of them.

This is killing my soul. And one day, my mother will die, and I guess I will read about it in the paper.

I have a similar situation. My mother who is 85 years of age has dementia and her husband/stepfather will not let us see her. If we knock on the door he doesn't answer and will not answer the phone. He has called the police on us and they tell us to stay away. We don't have the money for lawyers. We have called DCF(Department of Family Services) and they say they can do nothing. He has wet demacular generation of the eyes and is consider legally blind. What are our rights to see our mother? Please if anyone knows something about this let me know. We are in Tampa,Florida.