POA is being unhelpful in regards to getting me a copy of the old POA what can I do? - AgingCare.com

POA is being unhelpful in regards to getting me a copy of the old POA what can I do?

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Mother had put in place a vile woman from another state (instead of me, her only child) back in 2004. This woman caused a great deal of stress and kept me from seeing mother while mother was in ICU, etc. Plus this woman ordered people to take everything out of mother's house, opened up debit cards to access mother's bank accounts, etc. Since then this woman's POA has been revoked. However, I need to get a copy of the old POA that mother had as I am taking legal action against that woman who was her former POA. I have attempted several times to get ahold of mother's attorney who wrote it and he refuses to give me a copy of the old POA. Mother's current POA refuses to help me as well. Had mother died when all of this was going on, I would have lost my mind having been kept from seeing her by these people. I am not allowed to make any decisions regarding my mother and I am 47. I was the one who took care of this woman, brought her groceries, took her to doc, etc. and no one seems to care about me regarding how I feel I have been left in the dark about most everything pertaining to mother. I have gotten the paperwork started and have a court date coming up to discuss me getting guardianship of her. I have been informed that it will be hotly contested. Since I am the only child and only heir, why am I not allowed to know anything?

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Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your ordeal and I am going through the same thing. The only difference is that I am already my father's registered POA and Health Proxy. Since then he has been diagnosed with Dementia Alzheimer's type. His young girl friend and another friend believed him when he told them I was stealing his money and that I won't let him drive his car (for obvious reasons). Fortunately for me my father's bank statements clearly show that no money is being taken and in the long run I am sure that my POA will hold up when I really need to take care of things. I thought about getting guardianship to keep these other people from taking advantage of my father, but right now all he wants is his girlfriend. I tell you all of this to say that if I had to do it all over again, I would not do it. Even though they say that people with Alzheimer's don't know what they are saying or doing, it is extremely difficult to tell yourself that when they tell you they hate you and wish you were dead. I strongly believe that Alzheimer's brings out feelings that were already there. I would seriously make sure that being POA is something you really want to do. She may have done you a favor by appointing someone else. As long as your conscious is clear and you know that you have always done what ever you were supposed to do, you may have to settle for that and be glad that you won't have the headaches.
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Best wishes to you. As cinderbarb suggested, try getting a copy of the POA from someplace that would have it on record. In our case, we got a copy from the Electric Company. The hospital or doctors office won't give you a copy, but a public utility might. If it is on file at the courthouse, you can get a copy from there, too.
I'd think twice about any lawsuits, though. My sister convinced my mother that by putting all her assets into a trust, I had stolen all her money. The lawyer to sue me cost my mother $6,500; the lawyer to defend me cost me $2,500... and now I am paying off the two attorneys who wrote the trust $9,000 for their legal fees because the lawsuit was dropped for being "frivolous" and "lacking merit". $18,000 down the tubes. Two others were named in the suit and had to spend money to defend themselves, so I may have to shell out more if they decide to sue. Nothing changed, by the way. The trust is still in my control... only now my mother lives with me and my sister isn't speaking to either one of us.. Go figure.
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Perhaps contact your own lawyer and have your lawyer contact the other lawyer. I am wondering who the new POA is. Is it another relative, nephew etc? Trust me, I know how bad relatives can be. been there done that.
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Excuse my spelling, senior moments I guess.........
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Why does she not want you as her POA? You are her only child and you were her caregiver. I can tell you from my experience everything is not always as it seems. My mother has fought me being my brother's "alternate" for years. No good or honest reason. She is just very miserly and doesn't really want even my brother knowing her business. However, she is 82.

My mother made up lies to cover or as a reason to not have me as an alternate. Yes, it hurt and continues to do so. I fought her for a while but now after 5 years I am the alternate on her poa but only because no one else would or could do it. I just hope my brother lives a long life.

If I should ever have to take over as POA, I may decline. I would rather almost anyone take care of her finances besides me. She will ultimately accuse them of stealing, I just know her.

I know many one here will think, "what has she done fore her mother to tunr against her"? Well, I can tell you from experience, it could be plenty or nothing. Some, like Mom, are just trouble waiting to happend.

Protect yourself and think about the reason she is this way.







You may want to think about it. How badly do you want to take the chance she will accuse you of being a thieft? Be careful.
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My POA had to be registered at the court house with the Register of Deeds. This may be public knowledge but I'm not sure. Worth checking into. As far as accessing her bank accounts I had to also prove Successor POA and have her doctor write a letter to say she was no longer capable of handling her finances. My advice to all is retain an Elder Law Attorney and catch this before it gets to late to have a say in your love ones care. Yes it can be very expensive depending on how much they own property, stocks ect... and their final wishes. It was money well spent!
Good luck.
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once the person has passed away the POA doesn't work any longer. have you talked to the places she would have had to use the POA. the bank is one, the hospital is another. these places should have copies of the POA for their records
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I believe the most important fact to keep in mind was just stated in the answer from jeannegibbs: that the POA and the attorney are responsible to act in your mother's interest, and have no responsibility regarding your feelings. I suggest you find a good therapist to talk to and work through your feelings. Sometimes through our greatest despair comes our greatest growth. Good luck.
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My first question is why your mother did not appoint you POA. It was her choice. The fact that she chose two other people instead of you probably won't help your attempt to become her guardian. And from your profile it sounds like she made the choice of the current POA before she began having possible dementia symptoms. So I guess I would be prepared to explain that to the court. Is your mother lucid and competent enough to explain that herself?

Why is the POA keeping you from seeing your mother? Is that what your mother wants?

I am very, very sorry that no one seems to care about you regarding how you feel. That must be painful and distressing. As you plan what you are going to say in court, keep in mind that the POA and the attorney are responsible to act in your mother's interest, and have no responsibility regarding your feelings.

Good luck.
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