Should I, as POA, share financial info with my sis? Our history is not good, and I am trying to cover my butt.
Sis has worked to get me into trouble with mother all our lives. Mother had her appointed her as back up POA, should I stop doing it, but as she lives in another country, that is not very practical. According to family, she wants all the inheritance though the will splits mother's money between us after a few bequests to organizations. She took her children to court and won family money from them so I know she is quite capable of taking me to court. I am executor too and plan on giving that job to a professional to protect myself. Currently I am only viewing mother's accounts to check for irregularities. Most of her bills come off her account automatically, and her income is deposited automatically. What is left,mother is managing at present, but has "lost" money that she thinks is stolen (was diagnosed with paranoia recently), and a few other things. People have noticed that she has declined mentally in the past months, though she is very well physically. I anticipate I will have to intervene more in time.
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To me, it is just simpler this way and less conflicts. Good luck to you and hope all goes well. Take care.
The consensus seems to be not to share information. My mother was always closer to my sister. They took holidays together and mother paid more than her share as well as having my sis as a visitor each year when sis basically had a free holiday and did not help or contribute. Sis planned that mother would live with/near her when it was time for mother to be closer to family. Mother lived for years in eastern Canada, sis in Scotland and me in the west. About 15+ years ago mother came west for a visit and shocked me by saying she wanted to move west to be near family. I said that I had understood that she would move near to sis. She said "Your sister would not help me". She was right. Mother has Borderline Personality Disorder, is narcissistic, and recently diagnosed as paranoid. Sis has something, probably a PD, and is narcissistic. I was told by a psychiatrist who saw the three of us years ago that mother was mentally ill but he was more concerned about my sister. He found me to be normal. I have learned over the years to be very wary of my sister. Mother is difficult, but up front about it, sis is devious. There is more related to her winning family money from her children and it is pretty nasty.
I think sis was fishing at one point, and I gave her an answer which satisfied her without revealing anything. I feel that mother's finances are nobody's business, not even mine in some senses, except she needs some help with them.
I think leaving sleeping dogs lie is good. I know I will be "clean" in what I do, and need to keep records of any transactions that I make. So far I have not needed to do anything. I bought her a computer in July, and she hasn't paid me back, but I will wait till she does, as she still does write cheques and handle incidental expenses. She has an account with a cab company, and pays it monthly I believe, she pays a shopper who buys groceries for her with cash, and really does not have many other needs except for a bit of shopping she does herself for which she uses her credit card and pays it off regularly. I have started monitoring her account monthly, as she has lost track of money and thinks it is stolen - the paranoia. Her investments are all looked after by her financial advisor who is a great guy - she has had him for years. He is my financial advisor too, and we have agreed at this point that there is no need to execute POA over her investments. He basically looks after everything for her, visits her, helps her with small stuff, found her a good person to do her taxes etc. He acts like family and has managed her extremely well. I am 5 hrs. drive away, which adds some difficulties, but also protects me from her narcissism.
I hear the caution about getting involved early and that is what I am doing. She gave her credit card number to someone over the phone and then realised she should not have and cancelled it. This is a real warning sign to me as she has been so careful all her life. Next time she may not realise. Pretty well all bills come off her chequing account automatically, which is a blessing. One time she was in hospital, I had to come home before she was released, so I left some money there for her, and she lost it. I would not do that again, but it was my loss, not hers. Re the will, her lawyer has the will and it is safe there. I know its content. I am executor and will hire a professional to do that job, so there is no trouble from my sister. Many times I have thought of giving up POA as mother is so difficult to deal with, but the thought of my sis having access to mother's funds stopped me. I don’t trust her. Now that mother, due to age, is a person sis cannot have the “fun” visits she used to, sis is not coming over any more.
Eventually I may have to take over paying all bills and arrange somehow that mother has enough cash for incidentals. Next time I am in her city, I will get the addresses and phone numbers for her pension people, insurance, utilities etc. as she gets mail from them occasionally and get confused by it, and have that mail directed to me. She has been very "close" about all of that, preferring not to share. I will leave her bank and cc statements going to her for now, as I will get copies from the bank here and, at present, I think she would be quite upset if she didn't get them.
Her latest volley is that money is disappearing from her account. This will, of course, inflame my sis. She calls her ALF robbers and says they are taking money, which has not been authorised, from her account. This is not happening as far as I can see, Oh well - more storms in a teacup. I will see them about a copy of what they are authorised to take and ask for copies of any changes to be sent to me. Not that logic sits very well with mother, but I think it is my responsibility to check out her concerns.
I do appreciate the feedback from everyone. This is not an easy job in the best of circumstances, and made more complicated by mental illness in the family,
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