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What rights does the sole DPOA have when the mom is in an AL memory care facility and is fearful, with past incident occurring, of family...Mom has rapidly declining dementia and is in a MC unit of an AL. I have complete DPOA over health care, finances, the shebang if you will, to protect my mom from a sibling who is adamant all her cash and equity is his not hers.What rights does the sole DPOA have when the mom is in an AL memory care facility and is fearful, with past incident occurring, of family... This is my only living sibling and due to past financial abuse to our mom and theft from her while she was living at home, he has been somewhat estranged from the family. Now that mom's memory has declined he is back at his old tricks. Recently taking her to the bank and try to take me off the account as POA and put him on instead. The ALF then decided per requesting my written request that only her specific caregiver and I are allowed to take my mom from the premises. All is good UNTIL...
I was recently advised by the ALF director that he was advised by an attorney during a class that if a resident, even if in a memory care unit, expressed interest in wanting to go offsite with any family member the facility could NOT say no. This is even if the DPOA has expressed concern and there were facility witnesses to the last issue- he would still have to let her go. My mom cannot make her own decisions as to what to wear most days, forgets who visits her in less than 2 minutes after anyone leaves, is extremely unsteady on her feet thus making me believe it would be more of a liability on the facility should they allow her to leave with the sibling. Would he hurt her? Physically, no but mentally and financially, YES! I heard the last phone call in the room. He tries to make me out like a horrible person but we haven't spoken in a very long time. He lies to her to get her upset. Then she tailspins for a day or two.
Does anyone one know about such a law?
I could get a restraining order but I would like to know if this route is correct first. This particular sibling is on a money hungry search for funds and I want to have my ducks in a row before he starts shooting.



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And yes, Pamstegma, you rock! I got on the horn with the attorney as well.
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Thank you all! I just don't understand all this family drama with so many families. I do agree with Rainmom with CYA thought. They've had so much turnover with good staff leaving in that place recently and I don't know if the director is hoping to keep everything low key. As much as I dislike my brother for his ways and intent plus the fact what his motives are- I second guess myself if I were to get a restraining order against him from my mom. But he's created this situation and ultimately, as you all pointed out, I need to protect my mom. You guys are my cheering staff! Thank you!
I am getting my paperwork together, DPOA, her dr's notes stating her diagnosis and where is states she cannot make financial decisions for herself, and present it to him.
I have searched as well and have not found a "law" or "case law" regarding his claim.
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Pamstegma........You Rock. Couldn't have said it better
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Pamstegma - you are awesome!
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You see a lawyer immediately and seek Guardianship.
As for the idiot administrator, you show him the documentation of her incapacity and your DPOA papers. You prove to him that she is incompetent via letters from two MD's who have stated she lacks capacity. Then you tell him that if he allows her to leave with said sibling who empties the bank accounts, that he will be an accessory to a felony. He can chuck that around at a seminar.
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Sounds to me like the facility is trying a little CYA. Re-read their policies and contracts to see if this type of issue is addressed in any way - including a mc resident asking to leave. If there is nothing I might try a little light bluffing and intimidation. I'd say until you see that policy in writting you will hold them responsible for any harm that comes to your mother, including finanically, if they allow her to leave the premises with anyone other than who you've authorized. Then I'd high-tail it to an attorney to see if I could back it up! But that's just me. I tend to push back. Keep in mind it may piss off the facility admin - and really these are people who you really want on your side in the long run. Keeping everyone feeling "safe", facility, your mom, and you would be best served by a restraining order.
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I would go for the restraining order as well, the sooner the better. You might even get one for yourself as well. This brother sounds determined, and very troublesome.

You might also use the "protected individual" theory in requesting the restraining order, being sure to highlight her current dementia as well as his past financial abuse and current attempts.

I don't know whether or not this is realistic, but I would also inquire about getting a restraining order from the bank (assuming all her accounts are at one bank) to prevent them from allowing him to access her accounts, with her in tow, with the intent of transferring them to himself.
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Can you get a restraining order (as DPOA) against sibling? What good is a locked unit if you cannot say no to a "resident's" request to leave? Call the attorney that created your DPOA and ask his/her advice. In your role, it is your duty to protect your Mom. Myself, I would put up a fiercer argument with the facility manager that got his knowledge from a workshop? Tell them no go until you get advice from your attorney. They owe you that much as the DPOA.
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