This is my 2 cents. If your boyfriend visits his sister on a regular basis and she knows who he is and is comfortable with him (can he calm her if she gets upset) then go for it. However if any of the above statements are inaccurate, I would think twice about this. I noticed when our family gathered for holidays I would pay for the get together that night. Mom wanted people out of house (they had already left) and she would be up all night aggitated. I tried to explain to family that maybe visits in smaller groups would be better but they wanted things to go down just the way we always did it. Mom did not really recognize all of the family, but I don't think that the family actually noticed this. This get together was really for family members wants and needs and not those of my mom. My mom had dementia. This may not be the situation in your case, just some things to think about. Have some plans in place in case sister wants to leave earlier then expected. Is sister mobile and able to go to the bathroom herself? If you have all your bases covered this could be a wonderful outing for sister and maybe could generate more visits for her in the future.
If the reunion is nearby, have a few relatives stop by to visit the sister in her facility. That seems to be a much better solution to me. More control is possible for the sister and she's in a familiar place, which would minimize agitation.
No, I don't think that a POA document usually includes deciding where a person can go or whom she can visit. In some facilities they go along with the POA's wishes even though they have no legal requirement to do so. In this case, the facility is approving a 2-hour outing. I think that whoever wants the person to attend the reunion should simply make arrangements and take her.
Now if the POA person ALSO has medical proxy rights, and if the facility backed up a claim that this would be medically unsound,, that might change the situation.
But as you've described the situation, no, the POA cannot make that kind of restriction.
Then take her. If you think the POA is going to show up and cause trouble, alert the local police dept that you may need an escort. Unless to someone else has guardianship, she cannot be held against her will, is how it's seen.
It's not like she's saying "I want to move out and live on my own". Is the POA concerned that her sibling might not want to return?
Don't know why the reunion is completely ruined just because one person can't attend. We never have 100% attendance at any of ours. I think that's an excellent compromise, to ask people who care to visit with the NH resident, to go by and visit for 10-15 minutes.
Is this a parent of yours? Is there an estranged child or history of not getting along with another relative? Is this elder easily agitated and argumentive? I do believe the POA has the right to dictate to the facility who can and cannot take the patient out of the facility, even for a day trip.
My father spent the first few months of his stay into a planned jail break. We had to specify exactly WHO could take him out for a day visit, because he planned to have folks from church take him home.
We recently had a family reunion that we agonized over. We know we could not bring him because he has developed "hate" for several relatives and loudly makes totally inappropriate and accusatory remarks about whoever is the "hated one" of the day. We did not want the great grandchildren to have these memories. Instead, a large group had him out for supper in a more controlled setting and smaller setting.
It all depends on the person, setting and family dynamics. None of this is easy. Good luck to you.
Is that kind of authority created in the document? That would be my first step - to reread the document authorizing you to act. If you're referring to a DPOA, it's generally for legal and financial purposes, but depending on who drafted it, it could address social situations as well.
What are the reasons that you don't want her to go? At what stage is her dementia? If it would cause too much confusion and/or disorientation, that would be a consideration. But apparently the facility director doesn't see a problem.
What time is it held? If she's sundowning and the event starts in the afternoon and segues into the evening, I would be concerned about disorientation.
But really what you can or can't do is spelled out in the authorizing document, even if it generally addresses situations in broad terms.
Depending on the level or stage of the dementia, some people have a problem with large groups, with confusion and with being able to keep up with what is going on. They may get frustrated, agitated, argumentative, even mean and hateful. Even if these behaviors have never shown up before. They may get there and not "know" anyone, but strange people are coming up to them and assuming they are known and begin talking to them. If she is hard of hearing, the level of noise at most reunions would make it difficult to follow conversations. Only you know your parent. If you go knowing that it may be the most frustrating day you've ever had, you may have to leave early or have the facility come back early to pick her up....then you might be ok. Two hours isn't very long to us, but may be an eternity to her. Be sure and take lots of pictures so that you can look at them later and talk about what a nice day you had.
Great idea. That's what we do when we have big family parties. We can't bring mom because of her constant worrying. But everyone stops by, we don't tell her there's a party. People just happen to show up for a short visit.
Now if the POA person ALSO has medical proxy rights, and if the facility backed up a claim that this would be medically unsound,, that might change the situation.
But as you've described the situation, no, the POA cannot make that kind of restriction.
It's not like she's saying "I want to move out and live on my own". Is the POA concerned that her sibling might not want to return?
My father spent the first few months of his stay into a planned jail break. We had to specify exactly WHO could take him out for a day visit, because he planned to have folks from church take him home.
We recently had a family reunion that we agonized over. We know we could not bring him because he has developed "hate" for several relatives and loudly makes totally inappropriate and accusatory remarks about whoever is the "hated one" of the day. We did not want the great grandchildren to have these memories. Instead, a large group had him out for supper in a more controlled setting and smaller setting.
It all depends on the person, setting and family dynamics. None of this is easy. Good luck to you.
Is that kind of authority created in the document? That would be my first step - to reread the document authorizing you to act. If you're referring to a DPOA, it's generally for legal and financial purposes, but depending on who drafted it, it could address social situations as well.
What are the reasons that you don't want her to go? At what stage is her dementia? If it would cause too much confusion and/or disorientation, that would be a consideration. But apparently the facility director doesn't see a problem.
What time is it held? If she's sundowning and the event starts in the afternoon and segues into the evening, I would be concerned about disorientation.
But really what you can or can't do is spelled out in the authorizing document, even if it generally addresses situations in broad terms.
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