My eldest sister has POA and will not allow me or my children access my mother. Who can help me get access to her?

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My mother has dementia and is currently living with my eldest sister who has power of attorney and will not allow me or my children to see my mother even outside her home. Every time I call the house to speak with my mom or try to make arrangements with my sister the voicemail is always on, never my texts or telephone messages.

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Not an answer - just a comment. It's so hard for me to see all the rancor that's occurring in families - especially among siblings. Whoever thought this kind of thing would happen in families! Kudos to all of you who have managed this problem. Makes me think...even though I have a good relationship with my brother, I'm preparing for a 180 degree turn.
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Well, there are always two sides to every story and it sounds like there is a lot more going on here. Sounds like you need to make amends with your sister and form an agreement. What would happen if you just stopped by? Maybe you need a mediator to help you work things out. You have every right to see your mom. Are you local?

My sister and I do not have a good relationship. Mostly due to her behavior and unethical things she has done. She hasn't seen her mother in over 25 years, and has manipulated mom into giving her thousands of dollars. Long story.

Mom has alzheimers and I am her caregiver. My sister refuses to speak to me and only wants to speak to mom. She cannot be trusted. Why don't you and your sister speak?

I would just stop by and insist t
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I took care of my mother and had her POA, and I encouraged all her children to call and visit her whenever they wanted as long as they were pleasant with her. If they started fights, talked to her in a condescending way, or demanded to be an heir, etc. they were not welcome. As a result my sister was banned from calling over or visiting unless they were supervised visits outside my home. MY sister had initially and forcefully volunteered to take care of my mother but then she took all her money, left her destitute, and never cared for her but emotionally abused her, neglected her, would not take her to the doctor, etc. So there were good reasons why she was never allowed to call my mother or visit her on her own. She is plain toxic and takes advantage of every one who crosses her path. She is a real narcissist.
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Nocouch, I like your response but it wouldn't work with my sister. She would explode with anger.
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Life, hoping that you'll clarify for us.
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A power of attorney has no bearing on who can visit their parents or anyone else. There is nothing preventing you from stopping by and checking in on your parents. The POA does not allow one person to determine who the other person can see, especially since in these instances they most likely cover finances and medical decisions only. The power of attorney does not mean the person with dementia loses all autonomy. The only legal way of preventing you from seeing your parents is if there was some type of protective order against you. In lieu of a restraining order or oder of protection nobody can legally prevent you from seeing them.
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Yes, I agree with caregiverto89. The root problem is your releationship with your sister. It has broken down badly and needs to be repaired. Your sister obviously see you as a burden. If you can show yourself as helping her with her situation, then she will allow you to see your mother. If not at the house (the husband may have serious problems with you), then at a local park where you could offer to watch her for an afternoon twice a week, while your sister can just a have a break. Be a help to her and she will let you in.
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What is the reason why sis doesn't respond? Is their some underlying reason or is she just an acrimonious person?
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Calling the police and asking for a Well-Visit is not a good idea unless you think there is abuse involved. They will look throughout the house and question your mother. It will harden the relationship between you and sister. Why not as suggested stop by or write ( hand not e-mail) a long letter asking for a visit and asking why and if you are miss interrupting things to make them right. but have it delivered requested signature - Explain in the letter that you don't want to request a Well visit, however,unless you are contacted immediately( 48 hours) and give a time range - this is your only alternative. At that point, you have given notice and done so in a loving way that will alert your sister to practice better behavior or not.
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Is there some good reason why your sister does not want you visiting your mom?
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