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My mother has dementia and is currently living with my eldest sister who has power of attorney and will not allow me or my children to see my mother even outside her home. Every time I call the house to speak with my mom or try to make arrangements with my sister the voicemail is always on, never my texts or telephone messages.

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Not an answer - just a comment. It's so hard for me to see all the rancor that's occurring in families - especially among siblings. Whoever thought this kind of thing would happen in families! Kudos to all of you who have managed this problem. Makes me think...even though I have a good relationship with my brother, I'm preparing for a 180 degree turn.
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Well, there are always two sides to every story and it sounds like there is a lot more going on here. Sounds like you need to make amends with your sister and form an agreement. What would happen if you just stopped by? Maybe you need a mediator to help you work things out. You have every right to see your mom. Are you local?

My sister and I do not have a good relationship. Mostly due to her behavior and unethical things she has done. She hasn't seen her mother in over 25 years, and has manipulated mom into giving her thousands of dollars. Long story.

Mom has alzheimers and I am her caregiver. My sister refuses to speak to me and only wants to speak to mom. She cannot be trusted. Why don't you and your sister speak?

I would just stop by and insist t
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I took care of my mother and had her POA, and I encouraged all her children to call and visit her whenever they wanted as long as they were pleasant with her. If they started fights, talked to her in a condescending way, or demanded to be an heir, etc. they were not welcome. As a result my sister was banned from calling over or visiting unless they were supervised visits outside my home. MY sister had initially and forcefully volunteered to take care of my mother but then she took all her money, left her destitute, and never cared for her but emotionally abused her, neglected her, would not take her to the doctor, etc. So there were good reasons why she was never allowed to call my mother or visit her on her own. She is plain toxic and takes advantage of every one who crosses her path. She is a real narcissist.
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Nocouch, I like your response but it wouldn't work with my sister. She would explode with anger.
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Life, hoping that you'll clarify for us.
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A power of attorney has no bearing on who can visit their parents or anyone else. There is nothing preventing you from stopping by and checking in on your parents. The POA does not allow one person to determine who the other person can see, especially since in these instances they most likely cover finances and medical decisions only. The power of attorney does not mean the person with dementia loses all autonomy. The only legal way of preventing you from seeing your parents is if there was some type of protective order against you. In lieu of a restraining order or oder of protection nobody can legally prevent you from seeing them.
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Yes, I agree with caregiverto89. The root problem is your releationship with your sister. It has broken down badly and needs to be repaired. Your sister obviously see you as a burden. If you can show yourself as helping her with her situation, then she will allow you to see your mother. If not at the house (the husband may have serious problems with you), then at a local park where you could offer to watch her for an afternoon twice a week, while your sister can just a have a break. Be a help to her and she will let you in.
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What is the reason why sis doesn't respond? Is their some underlying reason or is she just an acrimonious person?
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Calling the police and asking for a Well-Visit is not a good idea unless you think there is abuse involved. They will look throughout the house and question your mother. It will harden the relationship between you and sister. Why not as suggested stop by or write ( hand not e-mail) a long letter asking for a visit and asking why and if you are miss interrupting things to make them right. but have it delivered requested signature - Explain in the letter that you don't want to request a Well visit, however,unless you are contacted immediately( 48 hours) and give a time range - this is your only alternative. At that point, you have given notice and done so in a loving way that will alert your sister to practice better behavior or not.
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Is there some good reason why your sister does not want you visiting your mom?
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I wish I had that problem! My mother has a host of problems. She's had breast and cervical cancer, she has had 3 heart attacks before having a triple bypass then another 3 heart attacks! She had a bowel rupture that left her septic and now with a colostomy. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia five years ago. I called both of my sisters to tell them and their responses were..."well I'm not coming home to take care of her"!! In five years one has seen her twice but hasn't seen or called her in over two years. The other travels the world with her house sitting business and about every year drops by for a half hour then goes back to her daughters house for three weeks who by the way lives forty minutes away! She might call me twice to see how our Mom is doing or sends a text! I have four nieces who live in this same town or very close by and they never call or come by!!! My youngest son lives 20 mins away and hasn't seen or talked to his grandmother in two years!!! Or me. I have invited them over (I have moved in with Mom to care for her and I work a full time job with mandatory overtime so it could be up to60 hours a week)). I have a daughter who helps when she can but she is a teacher with a 9 yr old daughter of her own. Maybe your sister feels like she's being left to deal with it all and resents doing so so she "punishes" for that. I don't have an answer for you as I am trying to figure it out too!!!
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Honestly reading Your post is dreadful sad. Not alone is Your sister punishing You Her Sister, but also Your Mother as well which is so unfair. It seems to Me Your Sister isn't happy in Her role Caring for Her Mother and is lashing out at You. She kneed's HELP otherwise Your Mother will suffer too.
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I'm lucky I guess, my brothers allow me to make the decisions. I have POA because I'm the one who still lives where I grew up and where Mom lives. I would call the police like said or my Office of the Aging. They will send someone out to check on ur Mom too. Like said, u may have to go to family court to get ur rights.
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Have you had a bad relationship with your sister before? Is there a reason you think that something wrong is going on at her house now? Why not give her a call, leave a message, and then go on over there for a visit? Think positive and make your visit a happy time for both of them. Bring some flowers, a balloon, a movie DVD for them to watch, some snacks or a cake. Offer to help your sister with some chore. Better still, say, "Sis, why don't go get your hair done, or go to the store, or whatever break she might like, while I talk with Mom." If you are there to snoop around and gather info against her, then why should she let you in? If you just there to criticize and complain, then why should she want you to visit? If you are there to help out, then she will be happy to let you visit. If you are willing to give her a break, she will look forward to your visit. So, think positive, spread some sunshine, and knock on the door, with some goodies and some constructive help for both of them when you visit.
As a caregiver, I would really appreciated acts of unexpected kindness.
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You definitely don't want a stranger as POA! I don't care how "trusted" they are. Having a stranger as POA can end in disaster!

How long has it been since you have seen your Mom? Is there some history behind this? Do you have other siblings that are being banned, too? Not enough information to properly advise.

With the limited amount of information given, it sounds to me like there is some "bad blood" going on from the past. I don't agree with sending the police over. That can make a bad situation even worse. I would go straight to the courts and have a judge grant visitation. Once that is taken care of, your sister will be in contempt of court if visits are denied.
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I sorely disagree with the person that said no parent should make one child a full POA .Most children that are made POA such as myself was around and cared for my Mother 99 percent more than my brother or sisters.The other siblings often have no idea how much time and energy it takes to give up most of your life in careing for your parent.I took my mom shopping,Dr visits,hospital visits,did all her banking with her,made brrakfast,lunch and dinners.I even did her lunches for her friends of 80 years as they would have lunch at our house once,a month.My sister was more interested in her own life but when Mom passed at 89 she was all of a sudden there after not visiting mom for so long,but sure as hell wanted to know about what was left to her,absolutely nothing and that is how it should have been.
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Well - the OP hasn't come back. It also doesn't say how long the mother has been out of contact, or how long she's been living with the sister; or how many times she's encountered the answering machine, and whether she has left messages that haven't been returned or doesn't bother to do so.

On one occasion - count them, one - I told my sister it wasn't convenient for her to visit my mother. I do not exaggerate: she *immediately* reacted by demanding to know "what was going on" and "why are you being so secretive" and so on, at some length. For heaven's sake.

So in this instance I'll be content to hope that the situation is a passing problem of the OP's sister having been too busy to pick up the phone. Unless we hear otherwise, anyway.
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Join the club, but I took my siblings (4) to family court, and the judge sided with me allowing visitations. It didn't cost anything to do that because I prepared my own brief. The one with the POA has the power...
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This is why I strongly suggest that a parent never make one child the POA over the rest of the children. It often ends badly. Make a non-family member (trusted professional if possible) the POA. It is worth any cost.
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Go over to your sister's house. Let her know you have been calling and no answer do decided to stop by. With parents who has dementia there ia alot that goes on depending on the memory that is running in their mind. It is not always a hateful, evil tactic to keep everyone away. Example: I had to go get my mother who has vascular dementia among other health problems. With me having a family of my own, re adjusting all of our lives, finding the the best 6 doctors to ensure great care and keeping positive thoughts in her mind they are just as good as the ones she had 40 plus year, and ensuring she get too and from dialyais 3 timea a week is work. We don't qualify for someone to come in and help without paying due to income. On top of all of that mom was being hateful and angry because my died 13 years ago, and most of her friends are dead. She was angry and bitter and could only remember all the bad thinga everyone did to her. This included all of her children and me. She would tell me how she hated me and my sibblings for things we said to her as children which was 40-50 years ago and ahe knew she was going to hell becauae she will never forget it. She DID NOT want to see or talk to anyone for months becauae anyone was the enemy. When she finally did she did not communicate well because of her memory. It took the God in me showing unconditional love and reminding her of the good things and the friend she has left doing the same to change those hung up memories enough for her to want to talk. There is more to dementia than memory. It affect your body. My mother progressed ftom stage 2 to stage 4-5 in 6 months. She still has her mean days but not as consistent. My teenage kids would cry about how I would get verbally abused by my mother, provide the best care with nursing background have family would accuse me of keeping her away. When they did stop by, stayed for 4 hours and seen the reality that what was going, how I was up every 15-30 minutes with her they cried and asked me for forgiveness. It has gotten better but took month before she even wanted to deal with her children, brothers and sisters. Just stop by and make sure you read up on dementia. Hope all goes well.
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Life, is there prior " bad blood" between you and your sister? Is it possible she's just overwhelmed with caregiving?
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She is exceeding her authority as POA. That has nothing to do with who can visit.

If she also has medical POA and has solid evidence that your visits are not good for your mother's health, she MAY have grounds to require supervised visits.

Could you visit an Elder Law attorney? Sometimes getting a notice on a lawyer's letterhead grabs people's attention.

Ideally you and your sister could work this out. Other than being on a power trip, what are her stated reasons for this ban?
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It always gets to me when I read about one family member, usually on a power trip with a POA in hand, preventing other family members from seeing a parent.

I would suggest that you call the police station (not 911) and ask that they do a well-check on your mom since you haven't heard from or seen her and you have no idea if she's OK.

Hopefully this will get your foot in the door. Good luck.
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