When my grandma first started showing signs of dementia the neighbors and staff of the retirement community she lived in started contacting my mom to get my grandma some help. My mom, who is on medical disability for bipolar disorder, would consistently divert these calls to me and my adult sisters as she was/is mentally/emotionally incapable of dealing with it. It even got to the point where some of my grandma's doctors and community members were threatening to contact APS as our mom would neglect to take care of things or let us step in where help was needed. The staff and community members eventually learned to contact us directly. Our mom has a husband who has stepped in to help maybe 10% of the time, but most of the care has been done by us granddaughters. Mom and step-dad have control of grandma's money as this has been the case for a few years now, starting from before the beginning of the dementia.
There is a constant concern if my grandma is getting the care she needs from our mom and step-dad as there seem to be multiple things that get neglectfully procrastinated once put in their hands. Because of this, most of the physical care has been done by me and my sisters.
Now the decision has been made to have grandma live in assisted living care and a POA is being established. Grandma, who is mentally capable of making decisions though is also easily won over by our mom/step-dad, doesn't seem to realize how much of the care only gets done once it is brought to the attention of us grandchildren. It looks like there is a decision being made to have step-dad's name as the primary Agent on the POA with an option to have one of us sisters listed as secondary.
Our question is, if we have witnessed neglectful behavior from them in the past, is there anyway we can overrule the decision to have us as secondary? Also, if our mom and step-dad get divorced, will he still have primary rights as the primary Agent on the POA? This man has also has a history of mental illness and in manic stages has run up thousands of dollars of debt of their own money, so we are also concerned about him having sole control of our grandmother's. Is there anyway to present this information to the POA attorney to prove that he should not be primary? Is the only way to do this to enter a legal battle with our own mom? Any advice would be so helpful!