As legal power of attorney for my 86-year-old Aunt, can I move her to an assisted living facility?

I have the same question. Anxiously await an answer.

Yes you can, but first find out if this is what she wants. Second a personal care home may be a better choice for it is small enviroment and more one on one care.Take her with you one day and look around for what might fit her; just as you would look for a house to buy. Be Blessed in your search.

I know there is a difference between legal or durable power of attorney,but if its in her best interest to move,and all the final decisions are yours,its your call.We cant always keep them happy,but its our job to keep them safe

Depends on exactly what your POA covers. Is it a limited POA or one that covers everything? We recently moved my parents into an Assisted living facility. They were both against it but now that they are in there they seem comfortable, happy and willing to stay there. Maybe you can get her to move ton one that looks nice on a "trial" basis? I think it is pretty typical that once a person gets in one and gets comfortable they don't want to go back home anymore.
I agree with the person that said to take her out to tour a few of them and see how nice they are. Many in our area will treat you both to lunch and give you a free tour if you make an appointment.

A related issue is that even if you can do it, how do you accomplish your goal without alienating her? Probably need to do what you can to get her to go along with the idea before you push her into a situation she is dead set against.

This is a really hard spot to be in. I'm in it right now with my mother. We finally got her to allow an IH caregiver but she is still complaining about it. Within the next year we will have to mover her to some sort of AL so I've begun the search. I think the hardest part will be actually moving her when the time comes because, like your aunt, Mom does not want to leave her home. I've done a lot of reading and, from previous experience with other older relatives, I'm afraid we will impact Mom's willingness to live by changing her life style so much. Other than AFib and early stage dementia, she's fairly healthy. Am I over thinking this? I don't know. Maybe just feeling guilty because I know moving is not what she wants. I am Mom's POA and I, too, am afraid of alienating her but must keep her safe. She's already angry with me much of the time because I seem to be in her business too much .

When she wastes 2 or 3 hours of my day going over the address and her account number with some company that sent her junk mail - then she "needs" me and keeps telling me how much she appreciates what I do for her!. :-0 lol

I hope some of the professionals will weigh in here with some ideas on how to "get her to go along with the idea".

Galtha, how did you convince your parents to move?

Lane, thanks for starting this discussion. It is very timely in my life.

hhmmmm... i was pondering this question this am. I too am moms POA. Shes at the end stages of COPD, and cont to smoke, refuses her bipap, and meds. My sisters are in the mind set that since " she doesnt have long to live, let her do what she wants". Id be ok with that if it was to eat whatever, lay in bed and whatch crappy tv shows. But to encourage her to smoke cause it makes her happy? that confuses me. Im to the point that i feel that i can no longer care for my mom in my home. I think she is at risk of hurting herself, or worse. She has por judgement and I constantly stay on her to not allow anyone in the house if they dont call 1st, and she has an appt with them. Any suggestions would be appreciated.....

My heart goes out to each of you who have to help your loved one(s) to move to either an apartment for the elderly, IL, AL or nursing home. I started talking with my mother 3 years ago about her future and needing to move to a living environment that would be safe for her. This is never an easy subject for any of us to talk about. Why? This is a beginning of a person giving up their independence. This is a very scary thought. In the past year I began doing an extensive search for apartments for the elderly, IL, AL or nursing home and what the cost would be. Once you start doing this search, you will be completely surprised about how much information you will learn. The first thing you want to do after talking with some of these facilities, tell your loved one that you would like to take them to visit these places. No decision needs to be made immediately. This allows one to check out the environment and meet some of the residents. If it is possible, schedule for you and your loved one to have lunch at each facility at no cost to you so you can review the menu and try out the food. Don't schedule a lunch date during the holiday but a few days after. You can see that the facility and residents do have a good time celebrating the holidays. You can drive your car through the city streets and see how close grocery stores, pharmacies, and banks are to the facility. The second most important step is to gather all your loved one's financial papers such as bank statements, CDs, real property, cost for medicines, monthly living expenses, etc. The first time you meet with a manager at one of these facilities, you will fill out paperwork to determine what level 30%, 50%, 60% of living that the monthly rent will cost. You will not need to provide this financial information for the rest of the facilities that you visit because you will know the percentage level for cost of living. Ask what transportation is available such as for doctors, pharmacies, activities, etc. Even though you may do all this research work, your long journey will have just begun. You will still need to talk to your loved one about selling their home, downsizing, packing, making all the transfers such as phone, etc. This all becomes an extremely scary situation for your loved one. Once you receive their approval and trust, you just need to keep assuring them in a loving way that you are going to be there "all the way" for them and help them to get settled in. Let them know that you just want them to be "happy" with their move and future.
I hope this information has been helpful. My prayers are with each of you.

shortmomma1, smoking is an addiction; nagging her about it won't get her to stop, and not nagging her about it is not "encouraging" her. It's just something she's going to do until she dies or is personally motivated to quit, whichever comes first. To everyone else: pay attention to the difference between helping someone and trying to change them!

Shortmomma, I agree with AlwaysLearning. Smoking is an addiction and you can't make her quit unless she wants to. Have you spoken with her doc about it? I believe there are some meds that "reduce" the desire to smoke. How about an electric cigarette? I quit smoking back in the 80's - cold turkey - and have never had a desire to go back to it. But I'm one of the lucky ones.

Since you indicate your Mom lives with you, do you work outside your home? Is any one with her when you are gone? Is there a fear she'll fall asleep while smoking?

hmm.... And I thought this post was how to get Mom into assisted living, and we were all relating our experiences. Not to critisize my understanding of the afects of nicotine... wow.....for the record, my Mother smokes, has for at least 40 yrs. I reread my post and i didnt indicate that I was trying to get her to stop. I did post that she has COPD. If you smoke with COPD it can b fatal as the body no longer expell the " bad" oxygen, so you would basically be suffocating. When that happens it mimics that of bieng drunk. The person appears lethargic , disoriented, dizzy, and cannot make decisions. with that said, after a week of her smoking she becomes like this and winds up in the hosp yet again, therefore I am concerned over her safety..... sorry to sound like such a sh@& but I really felt the need to justify my post as what was apprently read was that I was critsizing someone for an addictive behavior

Now would be a good time to call some local assisted living facilities and visit them with your aunt. She may be thinking of an "old folks home" but once inside she will be pleasantly surprised how nice they are. Yes, make an appointment to have lunch there with her, they all offer that for free. Get a guided tour where she will see many residents having fun; doing crafts, exercise, cards or just talking. If you are a church member, check with the pastor and ask if any other parishioners are at local assisted living and take your aunt to visit them - she may make a new friend and "want" to go there. Keep telling her how easy it will be for her to be in an assisted living; no more cooking, cleaning, etc. . That's what did it for my mom - she admitted that she didn't like cooking for herself anymore, didn't want to clean, etc., so this was the perfect "out" for her. She also didn't like the idea of being alone (even though she had a medical alert system) and when she visited the ALF felt a lot more secure knowing there would be staff there 24/7. I got her excited also by telling her how we were going to decorate her new place and she got excited and said "gee who thought at this age I would be planning on a new place to live". She honestly looked forward to going to an ALF and be catered to. She also was pleasantly surprised when we visited - she didn't realize what an assisted living facility was -- quite different from when her mom was brought to one many many years ago. It may be as easy to convince your aunt to want to go to one as just visiting some. If she's a sociable person, she will find many people to chat with, play cards with, and partake in numerous activities. And they can do their favorite thing - discuss all their ailments with people their own age and exchange stories - they all love that! Don't harp on the negatives - like how she shouldn't be alone, how she can't do for herself anymore - but focus on the positive like no more cleaning, cooking, decorating a new place with her stuff, you'll have friends around all the time, it's a safe and fun place, etc.! Play it up. Good luck!

Unless she has dementia or is physically unable to function alone - it may just be better to let her stay where she is. At 20 - 50 seems old, - at 50 - 80 seems old - As long as there is no mental problem and until she wants a change - A "gift" of a cleaning service, delivery of groceries, senior services offering transportation to medical appointments - might be all the help she needs.
Maybe there would be church members or neighbors who could visit for company. Ask around. Also, if she can afford IH care (maybe a reverse mortgage would help if all else fails) they have "companion sitters".
It's about what will make her the happiest as long as she is "functioning" OK.
My mom is 96 -sharp as a tack - lives alone, takes care of herself, does shopping, housework,etc.Even gardening - as long as she is able - staying at home and being allowed the independence she earned will make her the happiest .

a POA is not someone who can Tell another what to do. You must be their Legal Guardian. period.

I think the attorney that drew up your POA papers could answer your questions. When my Mom needed to go into AL, I spoke with her attorney and he gave me lots of advice and I fond out I did not have all the POA papers I needed. He helped me with all this. You also need to have your loved one sign while they can still understand what they are signing. I had many sleepless nights because I felt so guilty and she did not want to leave her home. She was not eating well and even when I brought her meals, she would forget to eat. She has some dementia, diabetes and AFib, so not eating right messed with her sugar and blood thinner. I had to get her in before I left to go south for a few months. I fond a really great place and she has been there for 6 weeks now and is so happy. She loves the food and activities. She now knows how lonesome and depressed she was and thanks me for all my hard work to get her moved in. What a relief! I am so blessed to have such a great Mom!

Here is what was suggested to me when my mother needed to move to a nursing home (she kept having TIA's multiple times a day), yet she kept saying, "I never want to live in a nursing home". The social worker at the nursing home she was willing to consider if ever she HAD to go, said: "Bring up the idea of moving to a nursing home into your conversation every day. Work it into the conversation as a positive, natural living option." I did this and it helped immensely. I am now using the same concept with my 77-year old sister who lives near me but needs to move near her sons across the country. I think it helps--at least I feel like I'm doing something to help her ease into this alternate living situation. I'll know more in a few months....

An assisted living facility will have a number of forms they require to be signed before your Aunt can move in. Whether they'll accept only your signature on the forms will depend on a few things: The facility in question, the Power of Attorney document itself, your aunt's mental capacity, and how willing your Aunt is to making the move. A Durable Power of Attorney typically gives the agent broad power to act on financial decisions (provided it is in effect now-some POAs don't take effect until the principal has been declared legally incapacitated), but not medical decisions. I'd recommend starting with a facility you'd like to mover her to, meet with their administrative people and find out their policies on accepting only an agent's signature. If it appears they would accept only a POA agent's signatures, ask them to review your document and confirm they will still accept your signature.

i have poa on my mother she has vascular dementia and has mini strokes she was told by a dr she can not drive or live alone. I work at night and am unable to care for her I also live inher home but pay the mortgage every month. She is insisting she did not sign these papers but they have beeen stamped by a notary public and witnessed. She continues to want to go to the bank shes already had a hold put on her account which I had to fix at the branch. I was told by the branch manager and several other people not to give her debit card or credit cards. I only have her social security payments to cover 1800.00 assisted living costs per month and copays for her meds, she receives only 1975.00 amonth total. I am ready to just give up and let her handle it herself what should I do? Please help

I have DPOA and I placed my mom in assisted living with my signature only. Mom has dementia and she absolutely refused to leave her home. It was no longer safe for her to live alone, so I had to make that decision. It is very difficult, but I know that she is better off in assisted living.

No on personal round the clock care. I just dealt with this regarding my mother. The person who had POA, had 3 shifts come in a day/night to take care of her in her home for a week. That is until she found out it costs $2200 PER WEEK to do this. I do not suggest it if she needs round the clock care/watching.

Plus that comes out of her pocket as Medicare would not cover that set-up.