Should I contact the attorneys who drew up the POA naming me as POA, my sister as secondary, based on the information they gathered from our mother with NO input from us?
My sister refuses to assist me in any way with the care of our mother to the extent of she has refused to take our mother to the hospital when our mother called her twice in the past few months in pain and sick. When she called me, I took her and she was admitted each time, once with a dx of liver disease, very sick, and this last time with pneumonia and she was placed into the ICU. The only reason my mom called her these two times was she feels bad calling me for everything. That is what my mom said to me. We had an argument earlier in the day of the second occasion, but mom says that is NOT why she did not call me first. However, my sister proceeded to say that my mother had pneumonia due to this argument, to, imo, deflect that she refused to help her. I finally had the Dr. call my sister and tell her that was insane.
When I tried to call my sister to try to discuss our mom after discharge, she began screaming and cussing me, not the first time, and I allowed her to do it, again, and when she was not relenting, saying "Oh, I see, now you want to go home, huh, you want a break so you call me? Well, you wanted control and you got it..blah blah" same old song and dance that i have been hearing for over a year and I have told her repeatedly that I did not ask for this, I was as surprised as her. I have offered it to her, begged her to take it, etc. When I try to talk to her about why she will not help at all, all I get is "Eff you". She is angry and I am exhausted. I finally told her that I am done, I do not need her say so, or to confer with her. I am not asking for permission when I have called, I am trying to involve her but I am done. I will do what is best for mom, and as she has taken this stand repeatedly, I will not take the abuse anymore. To not contact me. I told her I would go to counselling with her or whatever is needed but as it stands, not be cussed or screamed at any longer.
There has been a lot of work needed to take care of mom, a lot. Her kitchen was found to have black mold that had encroached to the extent that the entirety of her kitchen and dining room had to be redone. I did all of it, and this was through TGiving and Christmas, then with her last illness beginning Dec. 26. My wedding anniversary is NYE and I spent that in my moms hosp. room with my spouse, toasting it with my mom with cider.
I am doing all that I can, had no vacation last year to my sisters two as my sister told me tough luck when I asked if she would take mom to the Dr. on the only Friday that I could get away with my husband. She said no, she had drinks planned that evening with ex coworkers. Hello? She could do both.
I finally have hired a daily weekly caregiver and applied for a VA pension, which had unreal paperwork and took me forever, to cover this to try to find some relief.
I, myself, am not well with some serious illnesses, VTach with a implanted defib, brain tumor, rare crippling autoimmune disease CIDP, etc., and I do not work. My sister still works, which is one of the reasons that they chose me to be the DPOA. We are both her healthcare POA. As i understand that, though, it is really more of her DNR. My sister thinks it is so she can sign things to check her into the hospital, etc., but it incenses me when she shows up there, as she did with this last thing, and tries to act as if she is the decision maker for mom's health when she has NO idea what meds she is on, what her situation is, etc. She has not taken her to one appt. to the 25 I did last year, nor helped with any of mom's needs, like finding a new medicare ins. company, etc. She has no clue the extent of work this requires, and all that she has ever done is complain about her job anyway. I may not work, but I work at other things in my life and my own Dr. appts. more than I can tell anyone.
So, here is my question. Do I contact the attorneys regarding her hostility toward me and our mom and ask if she should be removed? I have no help and cannot even take vacation. She feels no obligation to mom at all and she did sign as the secondary POA and it is her duty to take care of mom in my absence. I am very concerned that she will not. Sorry for the long dissertation but it is what it is. When I try to talk to mom, she says, "I cant hurt one of my kids" and who she is hurting is me, not her. They see this as a popularity contest, not the burden that it is. I accept this and my sister could help minimally and it would be ok but to hate me more than she loves our mother is unacceptable and her behavior and lies and lack of control of her temper has to stop. I am doing the best that I can, I reject the joint executrix mom has assigned. She will do that alone. The funeral is pd. for.