Can my sister with general and medical POA furnish her own house with Mom's stuff when moving her to ALF? - AgingCare.com

Can my sister with general and medical POA furnish her own house with Mom's stuff when moving her to ALF?

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Two years age my sister secretly obtained POA over mom and had her declared incompetent to make decisions. She secretly (at first) moved her to independent living and then assisted living since she became almost totally dependent on caregivers. The first move required downsizing her personal belongings and furniture. In the next move everything had to go. My sister told me that everything had been sold to pay for part of her care or given away since it had no resale value.

I just found out my sister has been using her furniture and other belongings and taken possession of valuable (to me) family keepsakes. Very little was sold. There is a will which calls for a 50/50 split. I feel used! The value in mom's things is mostly sentimental. Mom is unable to comprehend what was done. Does a POA have the right to use the subjects things. Is there anything illegal?

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I don't think she did a bad thing by getting them both into care. If sis took money for herself, Medicaid would have seen that during the five year look back. Of course you want them together, but that is no longer possible. As an RN you should know that. You are grieving for their loss, but try not to direct your anger at someone who got them to a safe place. It would be better not to contact any of them until you find some counseling for your anger and grief. When we cleaned out mom's house, old furniture was absolutely unsellable, and when it went to the curb, nobody junk-picked it. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad, but at least mom & dad are in a safe place.
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I agree with what Jeanne wrote. My main thought on this was the last thing a POA who was stealing money would want to do is to apply for Medicaid. The unexplained withdrawals of money would be noticed right away. If the Medicaid application was approved, then apparently no irregularities were found. Was the father approved for Medicaid?
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POA does not owe you an accounting. In fact, she has an obligation to respect confidentiality.

You say there isn't much of financial value ... since Medicaid approved an application that must be the case. So what is it you want to fight your sister for? There must be something you left out if there is an issue worth hiring a lawyer to resolve.
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Sorry, I meant to say, get an attorney to get a subpoena to get the POA to give an accounting. (Got my words backwards)
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Thanks. That's what we were looking for. So, do we have to get an attorney to get the POA to get a subpoena for the accounting if we already requested it and she ignored us. And what if she has "no documentation" to show what she's done? She's very good at being deceptive.
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I looked through everything written again and a lot of things don't fit. The main thing is that your sister helped with your father's spend-down to Medicaid. Okay... any unusual deductions from the bank would have been noted at that time. Your parents apparently didn't have a lot, since Medicaid was being applied for. And about the house -- it isn't unusual for a house to be unloaded below market value when someone wants to divest themselves of the property. Was your mother able to keep all this money as the community spouse? Was your father able to spend down successfully?

If your sister received a lot of money from your parents, I would have expected Medicaid to notice it immediately. They must have missed a lot.
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Are you a new person? I am confused now.

The people in the group are not clairvoyant. We only know the facts written. If you think there has been mismanagement of money, contact Adult Protective Services in your parents' county. A POA is required to give accounting of their activities when asked. If it is determined she has misused the POA, then they will deal with her.
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This is not about old resentments or bad feelings. This is about fraud. The sister had claimed items from the estate as hers. She, as POA, has taken the estate as her own, using all the items in her household, for her own benefit, without the consent of the brother, and without his knowledge. She also has complete control of the parents finances and he has no knowledge of how their money is being used and since she has confiscated all the furnishings of the home, including the fine china, which is valuable, what is she doing with the money.

The son has asked for an accounting of the estate sale and finances and has not gotten a response. He has made attempts over the years to make "amends" with the sister and has met extreme hostility. The parents have always said everything is to be split 50-50 and it has been expected by the son that all their money would be spent in caring for their needs but it appears that it is actually being spent on the daughters needs and that is what this is about. In addition to the furniture situation, the reliable source verbalized that the POA, immediately after placing the mother in a home, wrote herself a sizable check due to being a "disabled daughter" and also having a "disabled child" from the parents account. She has also possibly been "hiding" money in a separate bank account, according to the same source. Again, that seems to be fraudulent, in my opinion, because from what I understand, the POA is to use all the client's money for the client's benefit...not for the POA's benefit.

Additionally, as mentioned, is the fact that the parents are now separated after 65 years of marriage. This is unbelievable!! It indicates exactly how MEAN spirited the sister is. She is only concerned with her own needs, wanting control of the situation rather than wanting what is best for her parents.

Yes, I am "in the family" but it still seems that this is fraudulent behavior and is not based on feelings but is based on the misappropriation of funds by a person that has wrested POA from a family member that had only the best interests of his parents in his heart and mind and is now selfishly serving her own best interest, so "moving on" and "feeling grateful" that she has taken care of all these things is nothing more than a bunch of malarkey and his parents have not been taken care of well because his mother has had to move four times in the last year because she wasn't placed in the right care level the first time and she wasn't placed with her husband to start with and she has fallen 5 times in the last month because she isn't supervised like she should be. Both my husband and I are RN's and we are knowledgeable about senior care and their needs and would have been pro-active and she would have been much more alert at this point in her life because she would have been with her husband and he would have helped keep her oriented to day, date, place and people. As it is now, she has lost all of that because no one is there to help her with constant input and her daughter has isolated her from us by taking her so far away we can't get to her on a daily basis like we can her husband. Now...tell us exactly why we should be soooo thankful??
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As I read through the sins of the sister, the only thing that came to my mind was I would feel grateful that someone had taken care of all these things. That was a lot of work. As Ismiami said, if it was just old furniture, then count yourself glad that you didn't have to help find a place to donate it. I get the feeling this is more about bad feelings from the past than what is going on at present. It sounds like your parents have been cared for very well. About their money, I don't know.
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Your mom has dementia. Not your fault and not your sister's fault. Your sister didn't cause your mom's decline this is a progressive disease. You can let your childhood resentment of your sister eat you up or you can get to therapy and learn to live your life. Stop fighting over china.
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