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My mother recently signed over POA to both me and my brother. My brother and his wife have taken charge without asking me if this was ok. They've removed her from her home and have taken her to live with them in a cramped home. Whereas I have space and are being told you can't take her. She is due for surgery and would like to use her old doctor yet my brother and his wife have taken it upon themselves to find her a new doctor. She's in the beginning stages of Alzheimers, she has clear moments in between. When I talk to her it's all fine she tells me her wishes and when I say I will help, suddenly I get pushed away and they take over. What are my rights and is a POA valid in every state? They are not abusing her but persuading her to think like them. We are not children we are in our 50's and I am the oldest. I want to know legally can I do something against my brothers actions? or do I have to sit back in another state and wait till it all falls apart. I am very torn right now.

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I wish you all the best , dealing with my dad with his dementia is sometimes easier than dealing with all the family members
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Floridadee, I would get a lawyer so you can at least watch all her banking online that they do. As for her care, if they will give good care, believe me, give them time, they will want help! They have a very long journey ahead of them and will be envious you are free from 24/7. Think about this, its a huge task !
Once your Mom cant walk or talk, or becomes incontinent, they will be begging you to take her and then you can, to prevent a NH. Good luck
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No, as Co-POA, you have just as much rights as your brother. Consult a family elder attorney in your state. Yes, the POA is legal in all states. Don't take this sitting down because legally if you do nothing, it is as if you agreed to your brother's actions. Make as much legal rattle until your brother complies with your mother's intended wishes before she was coerced. If you can prove he coerced her into signing documents or made any threats if she did not comply with his intentions, he can be prosecuted. Go get him legally!
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Pita ,This isnt just sibling squabbles, this is serious stuff.
Your poor Mom is stuck in the middle. Your brother could steal or mismanage her bank accounts you could be liable! Yes, as POA you have legal responsibilities. As a POA, if you feel your mother is incompetent and you dont report it, then you can potentially be responsible for mismanaging your Mothers estate. You have a right to her accounts, etc if she is imcompetent and an obligation as POA to report this legally. I would call a lawyer now! Good Luck to you.
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It maybe too late to find this out in your circumstances but years ago an attorney advised me NEVER to allow myself to become a "CO-" anything (whether POA, agent, conservator, trustee or executor), even if that was the wish of the principal. She said walk away and do not subject yourself to the infighting that occurs when more than one person had the final authority.

She sat on the ethics board of a large Southern California hospital. Based on the problems I've read about here and on other sites regarding legal authority, she really knew what she was talking about. The moral of the story is don't agree to take on any of the responsibility if you don't have all the authority.
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If she could no longer live on her own, she is well beyond the early stages. As POA, the brother does not have to ask for permission. Trust in his judgment and work with him by calling often and visiting frequently. If you make it a battle, the doctors will refuse to deal with conflicting POA's and your mother will be the one to suffer. Surgery on the elderly is always risky, and I would expect she will spend some time in rehab (nursing home) afterward.
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This is so heartbreaking, fat people who care more about the money from the caretaking can end up in charge.

The really difficult thing right now is, since there wasn't a clear demarcation and your moms mind prior to her probable impairment, because those worthless lawyers made you and your brother "CO" responsible, if you try to sort it out legally with a lawyer now, it will most likely end up as a conservatorship battle in court and when there are feuding siblings, the judge is likely to appoint an outside party who could, and it has happened many times, prevent you or your brother from having anything to say about your mom.

A travesti for sure...
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Totoally agree with Carolyn my sister wants joint POA with me if im going to care for mum alone then I have sole POA or she goes into a home even before mums dementia Ive had nothing but issues with her and as one post says sometimes the caring is easier than dealing with siblings how true!
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With bickering siblings an impartial third party is necessary. I would consult with a geriatric care manager they can often assist the siblings to work together and can also take lead in communications.
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I'd tape them!
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