POA between 2 siblings. I am very torn. Any guidance.

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My mother recently signed over POA to both me and my brother. My brother and his wife have taken charge without asking me if this was ok. They've removed her from her home and have taken her to live with them in a cramped home. Whereas I have space and are being told you can't take her. She is due for surgery and would like to use her old doctor yet my brother and his wife have taken it upon themselves to find her a new doctor. She's in the beginning stages of Alzheimers, she has clear moments in between. When I talk to her it's all fine she tells me her wishes and when I say I will help, suddenly I get pushed away and they take over. What are my rights and is a POA valid in every state? They are not abusing her but persuading her to think like them. We are not children we are in our 50's and I am the oldest. I want to know legally can I do something against my brothers actions? or do I have to sit back in another state and wait till it all falls apart. I am very torn right now.

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If bro had POA's changed he could be charged with un due influence or coercion of an at risk adult.
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Pita ,This isnt just sibling squabbles, this is serious stuff.
Your poor Mom is stuck in the middle. Your brother could steal or mismanage her bank accounts you could be liable! Yes, as POA you have legal responsibilities. As a POA, if you feel your mother is incompetent and you dont report it, then you can potentially be responsible for mismanaging your Mothers estate. You have a right to her accounts, etc if she is imcompetent and an obligation as POA to report this legally. I would call a lawyer now! Good Luck to you.
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I'm not doing it to be cruel, it's just that sometimes I'd like my husband to hear what I have to listen to for 3 hours at a time. I know she's afraid to be alone for long hours at a time, and my brother and his wife work and leave her there with tv running. I don't find this constructive. I wanted her here in Fl. to spend time in the garden with me, enjoying the sun and wildlife we have here, and to be able to walk and do for herself. they in turn prepare everything for her , breakfast, lunch dinner.. I'd like to keep her doing for herself even if she messes up..but I'd be here for her like she was for me when I was little..
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I'd tape them!
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hi all, this is Fl D under a new name... I had the strangest situation this morning. my mom called me from my brothers house in NY. We talked for about an hour or more and all the while she was getting more and more confused. She began telling me things like she felt like she signed something, and was bad talking about my sister in law and why my brother is so interested in her house etc. Then she asked me for a phone number so I had to look it up and 4 times she wrote the wrong number down.. Well in that time because she asked she said call me back..so I did several times and the 3rd time I hung up because I refuse to be recorded on an answering machine. So we talked again for a few minutes and hung up... about 15 minutes later, my brother comes home from work and calls me back and says I see you called mom a hundred times and my son says you kept calling and hanging up..geesh like at 54 I have nothing better to do than play funny phone calls. Then suddenly my mom says to my brother I don't know why she called here when I proceeded to tell my brother that she needed a phone number she said, she didn't and doesn't remember calling me, etc.. well now I'm left holding the bag as the bad guy.. Now I say if my nephew was home all the while why didn't he talk to me when she was crying and all confused? weird... I'm now going to get a tape recorder and inform my mom that the calls will be taped from now on. I do a daily protocol of all info that I get and remember so I don't have think back what was said. This week I will call a lawyer, because it seems like my mom is afraid to talk direct to my brother. Being so many miles away I can't go back and forth like she wants me to.Am I wrong to tape these conversations. I want proof down the line as my brother and wife say she's clear when they talk to her, that' s because they talk B:S with her. with me she is also clear about talking about her finances and what should be done etc.. and boom she conveniently forgets when they are around. Now I really don't want to talk to her anymore.. Today shot me down
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With bickering siblings an impartial third party is necessary. I would consult with a geriatric care manager they can often assist the siblings to work together and can also take lead in communications.
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Totoally agree with Carolyn my sister wants joint POA with me if im going to care for mum alone then I have sole POA or she goes into a home even before mums dementia Ive had nothing but issues with her and as one post says sometimes the caring is easier than dealing with siblings how true!
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This is so heartbreaking, fat people who care more about the money from the caretaking can end up in charge.

The really difficult thing right now is, since there wasn't a clear demarcation and your moms mind prior to her probable impairment, because those worthless lawyers made you and your brother "CO" responsible, if you try to sort it out legally with a lawyer now, it will most likely end up as a conservatorship battle in court and when there are feuding siblings, the judge is likely to appoint an outside party who could, and it has happened many times, prevent you or your brother from having anything to say about your mom.

A travesti for sure...
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thank you all for your insight. Unfortunately I've lost this battle,my mother says whatever my brother wants her to say. And if a Doctor cannot realize the situation ,sadly there isn't anything I can do. As I said mom has some clear moments and tells me one thing and then when my brother is around she does and says another. For instance last week I asked everyone if its ok if I do her bills and set up a file where we can all access it via the internet and email.All were in agreeance so I changed her mail to come to my house in Florida and called her on Friday to tell her all the bills for October had been paid. Saturday my brother takes her to her home in Ct and she gets a letter that the post was confired changed and those 2 blew up through the phone. I was TOLD CHANGE THE ADDRESS NOW!!! When I asked my mom why she acted like she did, she said she didn't give permission yet we all heard that conversation, and suddenly I was left holding the bag like a liar. So after another sleepless night feeling so left out and depressed, I don't want to know anything anymore. I will contact a lawyer to find out how to deem her incompetent because this is tragic what is going on, and my brother and his greedy $$ wife will get theirs all on their own. Somehow I will have to find a way to either get her here for a little visit or have a Case worker converse with her on their own without my brother being allowed to interfere. You've all been great in listening. I truly appreciate it.
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No, as Co-POA, you have just as much rights as your brother. Consult a family elder attorney in your state. Yes, the POA is legal in all states. Don't take this sitting down because legally if you do nothing, it is as if you agreed to your brother's actions. Make as much legal rattle until your brother complies with your mother's intended wishes before she was coerced. If you can prove he coerced her into signing documents or made any threats if she did not comply with his intentions, he can be prosecuted. Go get him legally!
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