Can a POA ban you from seeing your own mother? And lie to the assisted living facility saying I upset her, which is not true! - AgingCare.com

Can a POA ban you from seeing your own mother? And lie to the assisted living facility saying I upset her, which is not true!

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My brother and sister (and I use those terms loosely - I don't know how I could possibly be related to such nasty without souls human beings) have POA over my mom. My mom is in a locked floor of a horrible facility. They have banned me from seeing my mother. They say I "frazzle" her. This is totally untrue. They are abusing their POA and basically just waiting for her to die. They have killed her little dog, taken eveything from her home; written checks to themselves; and are just plain horrible, cruel self-centered people - vultures circling. I once had POA and had my mom in a very nice facility. They managed to get her out of the facility and back into her home (which was totally unsafe). My other brother, who is an alcoholic and drug addict was the one taking care of her. He is no better than the other two siblings. He threatened to kill me and the police would not put a restraining order on him. I was eventually taken out of mom's will and out of her life through lies and threats. To me it is not about the money; it is about being able to see my mom. This is so sad and so wrong. The nursing home won't allow me in and the brother (POA) threatened me that if I came by the nursing home, he would file a restraining order on me and he told the nursing home to call the police and have me arrested if I ever showed up. This is wrong and ever so cruel. God knows I am good and have always been in the right; but I am afraid of all of them. They are just mean, souless, vindictive, selfish beings. I have contacted several attorneys, but all they want is money I cannot afford to pay. It seems like there is no one else to call. The police cannot give me an answer; I can't find an advocate to help me in this situation. The last thing my mom said to me when the nurse (CNA) kicked me out was "that damn 'Bobby' "- the one with the POA. I tried to talk to the director of the home and the social worker; but they didn't care either....their response "work it out with you brother or sister"; "they only want the best for your mom". This is such a pile of lies - they only want her money. This is why she is in such a horrible depressing place with NO stimulation. It is the best way to ensure, they will inherit more money in the end. So sad, so pathetic. I will not speak to any of them. They are so mean and threatening. Any direction you can give or phone # to call would be greatly appreciated. My mom is 91 years old and has some dementia. I am sure by now they have convinced her I don't want to see her. This is so not true. I am saddened to the core; and rely on my faith to keep my spirits up. There is so much more to this story; but so difficult to tell.

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I'm sorry your going through this. I am going though a similair situation but my half brother and his wife took my 95 year old grandmother from pittsburgh to arizona. They will not let me talk to her saying she isnt allowed a phone in her room. They gave me a false address. I did call elder abuse in arizona they said to call police but i dont have correct address . My half brother was 6 the last time my grandmother seen him . he is 32 now. This was all done behind my back. I dont know what else i can do
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Excellent suggestion Pam. I will keep that in mind as well. That could be a very useful way to handle a difficult situation and may indeed bypass the need for RO's.
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If you are falsely accused of upsetting the patient, you should INSIST on supervised visitation, or visit only in a common area where staff can see you. There is a double benefit to common areas: 1. you can be seen. If mom throws herself to the floor, you have witnesses. 2. The patient will behave better. If the patient is one who likes to throw tantrums, they are less likely to do so in front of other residents. We had to do just that.
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I am in a situation similar to yours but I am on the oppsisite end of things. We are dealing with a sibling who does upset our mother who is in a NH with dementia. He does not see his behavior as upsetting her, but it does. After a phone call or visit it can take weeks to calm her down. Her blood pressure goes through the roof, she displays signs of depression, and on and on. After one phone call from him she will now no longer get out of bed. It has been months, she adimantly refuses.

These situations are very difficult. One poster stated that they can't "ban" you which is correct, to a degree. however, if the nursing home sees that she/he gets agitated after/during a visit they do have the right to intercede, and ask whoever is causing an issue to leave. If it continues they can seek a restraining order which would effectively "ban" you. Not to mention the fact that the nursing home has to ensure that this behavior doesn't spill over and affect roommates, etc. as ALL the residents have rights. That is why it is best for all involved to be on their best behavior.

In my situation what I plan on doing with my brother who is combative, recently out of jail, etc., is monitor his visitations, if I see an issue I have asked for it to be documented and if need be I will get a restraining order against him. I do NOT want to do this in any way shape or form, but as I am the MPOA I am resposible to act on/in her best behalf, and I will. She knows that I will and that is why she appointed me.

The main thing in all of this should only be your mom's care and comfort. That is all, any past history needs to be set aside, and everyone needs to think about her comfort and care.

My other brother & I are willing to do that but the one brother continually goes to her with accusations, looking for money,etc., this causes her great distress. Her condition is such that this could indeed cause her a stroke. All of this has been explained to him, followed up in writing, but he persists. I would ask a social worker at the NH to intercede as the may be able to mediate, but you have to be willing to work together, if you are not you may have to realize that you could be part of the problem. In my situation I have expressed to my sibling that I do not care to address his allegations at this time, that after my mother has passed that we will have the rest of our lives to go on battling and disliking one another, but for now, we need to find some way of making peace so that she can live out the rest of her days in peace.

There is no money to speak of in our situation and if your mother is in a NH either by private pay or with Medicaid, there will also be no money to speak of. So that should end that argument.
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Is there a priest or minister from your mother's church you can ask to go with you to visit your mother in the NH?
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It's been posted more than once, Pam.

All I can say is proceed with caution in replying.

I do wish you the best, heartbroken3.
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they cant ban without an order from a judge . one thing i learned from caregiving , ( life , and working for the public for 26 years ) you have to assert yourself or youre going to be walked all over . walk in that place and ask to see their protective order . if it doesnt exist , they are purely bluffing ..
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This sounds so familiar, did you post this before?
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