I've been clean and sober since 2005 BUT recently I feel that old nagging desire to use (in order to numb myself). I take care of both parents along with an unruly dog and a cat. I live here 24/7 with rarely an opportunity to leave the house for personal time. I feel isolated, depressed and overwhelmed. I'm scared that I will relapse if I continue down this path with no respite care in sight. Like others, I had no idea what I was getting into when I moved into my parents' house. My mom is well off financially but will not part with money for services she likely feels should be provided by a family member. The local cost of respite care is $20 an hour. My mom will freak out and insist that they can be left alone. I find myself wanting to isolate and sleep as much as possible. I'm always nice to my parents and responsible in my caretaking duties, but lately it's a show of false emotion, and that makes me sad. I'm not taking care of myself. My lower back is a disaster and I'm delinquent on personal doctor appointments. I don't have children, but I CANNOT imagine putting my child in a position such as this. I used to have a good disposition, always waking up in a good mood. Now I usually fake it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to talk to my siblings. I have realized that my siblings did not sign up for this. I did - so I'm really trying not to be resentful about their lack of participation. I usually can't even be in the same room with my parents because my mom refuses to wear her hearing aids and has the television volume at a ridiculous level. My stepdad is much more demanding physically; however, he's a genuine pleasure to care for. He has dementia, incontinence, Parkinson's, is on coumadin for heart valve replacement and is an alcoholic. He must be closely monitored to prevent falling. I am so torn on how to move forward. I know I would advise someone in my position to step back but I don't have it in me to place them in a nursing home. My step dad would have to be on lockdown whereas my mom could have more freedom. I don't think they could be in the same unit of a facility. I have a difficult time asking for help. I wish our government would allow Medicare benefits to follow the patient & be allocated to family caretakers. Billions upon billions of dollars are saved annually by caretakers providing In-Home Care rather than placement in nursing homes. Wouldn't it be great if respite care could be provided? Not asking for the world. Just a little help to keep us sane. I'm not sure if I have this right because Medicare doesn't pay for nursing home care - that would be Medicaid after all your money is gone??? Whatever. The only way I can afford health insurance is through the marketplace so I've been worried sick about the senate's ACA repeal and replace bill. Plus I paid over $3500 federal taxes on an annual income of $18,000. I bet our current president doesn't pay that percentage. I'm sorry to take up so much of your time. I feel better already by sharing my story. Does anyone else have knowledge of or experience with potential of relapse due to stress of caregiving? I'm surprised I can't find more on this subject. My thoughts and prayers go out to all caregivers and their loved ones. No one can ever know what this is like until you live it. P.S. I don't want to give the impression that I never have good times with my parents. We have a good belly laugh now and again. Based on their medical conditions, it's more like I'm the adult and they're the children. I sure miss them. We had so many awesome times together.