Would you postpone active online dating because you're waiting for your mom to die?

Hi Marissa
No I wouldn't wait and I didn't. I am in a different situation than you - looking after my mother at a distance. She is in assisted living. She has borderline personality disorder, and I could never have her live with me. She will be 100 in May. I am 74. and had been on my own for over 15 years. A few years ago, I decided I was ready for companionship, and started online dating and after about a year met a man I really like. We are planning for permanency. I would be very cautious about looking for someone in order to help you pay the bills. I met some one like that, and dropped the relationship.because he was not really honest with me. He wanted someone to support him. No one wants to be used. Companionship, and friendship is great, and then you work the other stuff out. Fortunately the man I am with now lives in my city, so we could meet fairly quickly face to face after meeting on line, but I don't think that is necessary. I would be very open about your situation - if a man likes you and you develop a relationship with him, I think you can overcome the problems together. Another thing I tell people who are thinking of online dating is don't be too worried about age differences, if you find a really good person. I was married to someone 16 years younger than me, and my boyfriend is over 13 years younger. Dating on line has its problems and you have to be careful to screen out men who are just looking for what they can get - even at my age! Good luck.

((((amber)))) - it is never too late - take time for you now. You could be surprised.:)

frannie - sorry about your experience - I rarely gave my number out - just wrote people using the site messaging, and set up an email account just for that purpose as well. When it came to meeting people I did so at a coffee shop and let my daughter know I was going in advance. I messaged my boyfriend for a month before we met. He did not have my phone number until I had met him, and felt comfortable with him. Others I messaged for that time or longer. You certainly have to protect yourself. If anyone is pressuring you to move faster than you are comfortable with, it is a red flag!

Mhm, I totally understand the desire for a man in your life, BUT I do worry about your motives beyond companionship. You've got to ask yourself, 'if I were a man looking for a mate, would I want to take on this woman and her problems?' I think you need to look at yourself as a prospective mate would, and then make any adjustments to your man requirements.

I agree with emio do not give out your number-use the site to communicate-beware of anyone who pushes you to give your number-a decent man will respect boundaries and meet like emio said in a diner or coffee shop and let someone know where you will be and for how long.

Hi M.I would not wait either.You need a balanced life otherwise you will become burnt out.I am caring for my 89 year old uncle who is sometimes very difficult.At 51,I haven't given up the hope of meeting a nice man for a steady relationship.Be careful of online dating.You are better off paying something so you can weed out the creeps.Plenty Of Fish attracts a lot of strange characters.

This is great! I love it that you all are open to the idea of seeking companionship. I wish love and happiness to you all, but do be careful, operate on your own terms with your security blanket in tack. lol Have fun but be cautious.

I have to disagree tina maria.Why do I or any middle aged person for that fact have to put our lives on hold to care for someone all the time.We all need someone to love and care for us as well while we do the caring.A burned out Caregiver
is of no use to anyone and just breeds resentment.

I waited, not for my parent to die, but for my child to grow up. Her father and I divorced when she was one. He was having an affair with a woman at work and she wanted to see divorce papers before she would sleep with him!!! Yipee!!

Anyway, I waited to date because I had wanted this child so desperately that I did not want to push her to the side for a man. I was afraid she would "get lost" while I was looking for a man, so I put her first. I love her to know end and she is now 21 and I am now wishing I had not waited. The older you get the more difficult it becomes. It is harder to find men and lets face it we get to looking older as well among other things and it is just not as easy as it would have been 20 years ago.

Now however I am the sole 24/7 caregiver for my Mom and I am wishing to God I had a boyfriend just to have someone to turn to for comfort, a hug, a get away, dinner, just someone to love. I am now 60 and I am fairly sure I will never meet anyone at this age. I makes me feel so sad to be here in this place knowing that I will probably be alone til the day I die. I do not know how a man would react to dating someone with a parent they care for. I think he would have to be very special to step into this situation.

I am going to say, be very careful, do not mention your daughter, yet, be very very careful, but do not do what I did and wait for 20 years.... Find love when you can and hopefully you will run into that special man. You never mentioned love, you only mentioned financial help, I hope you find love.

I would persue a relationship on -line but be very careful-you would want someone who lives close-online did not work for me -met lots of frogs and then I reconnected with a classmate when his wife died-I called to say that I was sorry and after a few weeks we went out for coffee and now we are in a good relationship and having a good person in your life makes life so much easier-even if you are a caregiver having a special person who really cares for you is so important and it is worth going for-just take any relationship slow in the beginning and look for red flags.

If the right person comes along you can have a relationship while cargiving and the right man would be helpful and help to balance out your life.