Is there such a thing as post traumatic stress syndrome for caregivers?

Miasmom1, SO happy to hear your father is still with you! It's 11:30pm and I've had sleeping issues, so please bear with me. Plus, it's not uncommon for us to think faster than we can type. I'm not sure I understand your first sentence. Initially, I thought I could follow regarding what a quiet, teddy bear man he was. Got it. But then, you said, he spoke to you in a way he never had even when you were little. Are you saying he said bad things when you were little? I'm thinking "no," but I'd like to be clear on this.

I'm not sure if this pertains to you, but my mom always went "beyond nutty" when she was in the hospital. The things she thought she saw were beyond the belief of feasability for her to even imagine. For example, she was in the ICU ward and was completely convinced it was a brothel. It gets worse from there. We were told it was due to the added stress - and it didn't help when they kept moving her to different wards within the same hospital. So the medical professionals also put her on antipsychotic meds.

My family, also, had essentially a "Come to Jesus" meeting saying she would die immenently - and she didn't. Perhaps that would've been a blessing (figure of speech - after all this mess I am not religious).

It took 3+ years of sobbing for hours when I got home from work and self-medicating myself to get "over" her and my grandparents' deaths. It's been a long time now and I thought I was healthy and on an even keel, which is why that dream really freaked me out.

Midkid58, I hear ya! The father (Pearl Harbor survivor) of a friend passed away on Christmas Eve a long time ago. How f***** up is that? I'm sure it wasn't his intention, but imagine what it feels like for her to hear "Merry Christmas." Oi. I'm sure that was a hard decision for your brother. That could not have been easy.

I'm glad your daddy's death anniversary doesn't seem to affect you. Just stay aware. My father died in June. We were not as close as I would have liked. His bday was in mid-December. I actually got a speeding ticket on his bday the same year after he died. I didn't even realize it until much later. In fact, I was so proud of myself for "handling" it. So here's a funny story...I was driving along doing errands and not in a rush to do anything. Then I saw the police lights in my rearview mirror and pulled over as soon as I could so the cop could catch the "bad guy." Needless to say, the bad guy was me! ACK!

Bellatrix, are you a Harry Potter fan by any chance? :: smile :: In any case, you've dealt with far more than I have. I'm sure there are tons of things you have positvely affected without knowing it. I don't have the luxury of seeking professional physical or mental help right now. I'm uninsured - not even with Obamacare. Oddly enough, psychology was my undergrad minor, but the courses I took never prepared me for this situation. I'm glad to hear you play as hard as you work! That's awesome. The odd thing is...when I was working, it was frowned upon to take any time off to address these issues or even get a flu shot. Now that I'm unemployed, there's no way I can.

during his stay in the ICU last August, my 83 year old father who is a gentle, quiet teddy bear of a man spoke to me in a way he never has before, not even when I was little. he was post op, on pain meds, had not slept and had several cracked ribs (which we didn't know until he was moved to another floor.) Tensions were high anyway since we had been told (incorrectly) that we should consider end of life preparation. I told the nurse and shared with my family. they put him on a low dose of (I hate to say this) antipsychotic meds which evened him out. the next day I believe he felt bad the next day but couldn't articulate why or what happened. This was scary for me and brought BACK a bit of PTSD that I already have (non family related.) it has not happened since and oh by the way - my dad is still with us and just about back to normal. so my long winded answer (sorry) is yes, i think it does exist. this is why self care is important. PTSD is nasty and can pop in many different ways. good luck to you.

My sweet daddy did NOT want to die during the holidays--for the very reasons you mention. HE was in hospice care, so receiving only liquid morphine as he could no longer swallow. My brother is an EMT, and ran a couple bags of IV saline to keep dad hydrated--even tho he really wasn't "supposed" to do that. Daddy died 45 minutes into the New Year. AS I do not look at New Year's day as being a true holiday, it was actually fine for all of us. I know he got to start a new life that day as I firmly believe that death is just the doorway to a better place.

Wow. Thank you for sharing. Much more to think about. I must admit my past has brought me to be able to work with my client with ease for the most part. I'd worked as a councelor with drug and alcohol clients for years. Also with at risk youth, teenage sex offenders and autistic children. So having a background in behavioral health has been a plus. My client is of sound mind but extremely OCD. I've been here for almost 7 years now, really needed out of institution work. I have to admit that I sm tired. Think I am tire of the constant concern for him whether I am here or not. Think I just want the best for him no matter what. Really thought I would have been retired by now but my husband passed and so, life goes on. One thing I do for me still is play, play just as hard as I work. It kept me somewhat sane for all these years. Just like you have done here I share my feelings and thoughts. Somehow it takes the power out of some of the emotions. Thank you for sharing again.

I am the original poster and I deeply and truly thank all of you for your responses. I'm annoyed at this site in that I can't respond to individual posts. If I can, it's not obvious, so please instruct me if I'm wrong. I also got an email saying I had 14 new answers but only 2 links and I know I posted more than once the last time I was on here. Oi.

I'm reluctant to point out any specific post because all have been helpful but I must especially agree with "sallie" who said, "Stress in real life creeps into our dreams." I am under a lot of stress. I often have vivid dreams, to the point of not remembering if I said something in real life or in my dreams. This was just so horrible, especially the part of seeing my mom trying to find me, FALLING, and then me yelling at her. The dream was so vivid I could actually draw a map and timeline of what happened. I was so freaked out even hours later, that I cancelled plans to do something fun. The whole dream was just odd and surprising even for me, but then her "death anniversary" is coming up so maybe that had something to do with it.

She had the "rudeness" to die the Sunday before Thanksgiving. If I were God, I'd ensure no one died between early November and late January because it just totally messes all the survivors up. It's never a good time, but that is whacked. I've been deeply humbled by so many of your posts, I'm almost too embarrassed to say anything in general.

For the record- the only time I even fussed at my mom was after she'd had some mini-strokes. She loved Diet Coke in a special sort of glass with a bent straw and both my sis and I made sure it was on a table right next to her, esp since her meds gave her dry mouth. But the strokes somehow destroyed her peripheral vision (imagine a horse with blinders on) so she'd just look straight ahead and ask where it was. I did fuss at her to turn her head so she could see it, but not often. That's the kicker...usually I put it in her hand.

Anyway, just a dream. "Keep calm and carry on" as they say.

I don't know why adult caregivers harbor the mistaken notion that they are not "supposed" to feel angry at their parents. We have EVERY RIGHT to feel angry at elderly parents who have ruined our lives. At the same time, all adult caregivers need to realize that they also made choices - such as choosing to live with the parents or have them move in.

I have heard WAY too many adults say things like, "Oh, I will never put my mother in a nursing home." Most are visualizing the "granny flat" attached to their own home with an independent granny who plays bridge with her friends 2x a week.

But they do not understand the reality of having a confused, sometimes combative, incontinent elder who cannot be left unattended for a second, living under the same roof with you - even if they are in the granny suite. My older brother the attorney, who was TOTALLY useless when dad needed help, still harbors some kind of fantasy that dad could have remained in his own home with just household help. He just did not "get it" at all. In fact, unless a person has been the caregiver, they never seem to "get it."

Yes, sometimes we do end up with PTSD....or at a least a bucketload of resentment. I am still resentful that my parents did not plan better for their own senescence. They were financially okay, but did not seem to "get it" that some day they would be old and not able to function independently. I kept begging them to move into one of those senior communities with the different levels or care, even offering to help orchestrate the move for them. But they kept refusing....which meant that dementia finally forced the issue and I had to make the choice for them. Why do so many parents place their adult children in that position? I keep seeing this over and over again on this forum.

Short answer to OP: Yes.

And you said "She's been dead a number of years now, so you'd think I'd have learned how to manage by now..." well, you'd think that, but, you'd be wrong. I have not had a mom, dad, or mom and dad nightmare for several weeks now, and that's good...but its going on four years and the healing process continues. It's not so much "managing" anything but a drawn out process of debriefing, realizing certain things when yoru heart is ready to, redefining what you believe in and why, and letting joy and human connection seep back into your life as much as you can.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I too have suffered PTSD after the death of a loved one. I met a neighbor and became her caregiver that day, 27/7 for the last 9 months of her life. My husband not only supported this, but was very helpful doing what his physical limitations (80/nearly blind) allowed, such as washing and dishes. The reason we did this was because she was alone. She had a daughter here in town that chose not to be involved. We do not think anyone going thru cancer and dying should be alone, so we adopted her, fully knowing what the end would be like. Taking care of her consumed our lives, especially mine. We bonded from the moment we met and I knew I had to do this for myself as much as for her. We too do not have family involved in our daily lives and distance and health prohibits visiting, so we know what it is to be alone with no support. After she passed away, our life was a void. I did not know what to do with myself or how to begin living again. It has now been 7 months. After many trials and fails, I am still struggling but moving forward. I came to acknowledge that my grief was more than just deep grief and was actually PTSD. I had ended up retreating from the outside world, it was just to overpowering. With professional help and the patience of my husband I have made significant improvement, but I still struggle daily with re-entering the world and opening myself up to others. I had worked in direct health care for most my life and never had I ever experienced this degree of adjustment, not even in personal loss. To be alone with our personal mortality and limitations, and our own dependency on others, as well as hidden feelings of equality and fairness, can be overwhelming to face under stress. But, it will happen and it affects even veteran caregivers. Professional help is a must to recover and grief support is an added advantage. You can't do it alone, nor should you try. Often it involves many deeply rooted feelings from the past, that we are not even realizing , and which have been affecting our lives for a long time. So PTSD is real and does happen. It is not just deep grief and loss. Learn the difference, and seek professional help. Your future depends on it, and there is hope. Success is possible. Life continues for the better. Through personal growth we are able to reach out to others in need and are able to give more deeply. Once a caregiver, always a caregiver. But we must put our physical and mental health before all else, or we can't give others what they need, our care and the giving of ourselves. So if you care enough to give, you must give yourself the care you need first.

Well, the P stands for "POST: which means after..so technically if our loved ones are still around we're just stressed out. The P part comes after the trauma is over, so to speak. Whatever you call it, caregiving is not everyone's thing--hence my 2 sisters and one brother who will happily weigh in on every decision but will not actually step in and DO anything.

Hobbesmom, it sounds like a dream - a bad dream, but a dream nonetheless. Nothing more. I am also a caregiver, and from time to time I have bad dreams fueled by my fears of something bad happening to my parents on my watch. This is not PTSD, which stands for post-traumatic stress disorder, because you have not specifically suffered a trauma, you're just stressed.

Back when I was working full-time I had stress-related dreams all the time. I'd dream about whatever was bothering me at work. Again, like your dream, I would dream about whatever it was I FEARED would happen at work - which almost never came to pass.

So while you may need to figure out ways to alleviate some of the stress you are under caring for your parents, this does NOT sound like PTSD, it just sounds like unrelieved stress.

Doing caregiving for even fairly 'well' elders, can be terribly stressful, just keeping on top of all the tasks needing done for them, or to them, be it paperwork, or physical care.
Add mental issues, or physical illness issues, and the stress rates skyrocket.
Learn what the signs and symptoms are for PTSD.
There are many online resources for free.
Counselors understand that PTSD can happen even when things APPEAR 'calm' on the surface....it needs addressed and needs helped.....PTSD from caregiving is hand-in-hand with caregiver-burnout.
This list is a treasure---I don't know what might have happened to me, had I not found this list, to share posts on. It's literally helped me grab back some sanity and equilibrium, after we finally got Mom moved out of our place, and helped me make choices I never would have thought of, before, to help maintain the healing I needed. There are many other resources one can use, online, for free, to help decrease stress--thank God, and the folks who created them, for those sites!
A recent one found, is a YouTube video, that does about a half-hour guided meditation. It's not religious at all. Just very relaxing/restorative.
youtube/watch?v=XN1ngkASEbY
Pleasant, easy. There are many other sites, if following along with Liam is not your cup of tea. If you fall asleep while trying it, it becomes a "sleeping meditation"--meaning, you needed sleep!
It's helped reduce pain, helped sleep, helped decrease stress--all good.
I hope you can quickly find what you need to help restore calm and bring better dreams!

Midkid58, this is all part of the post traumatic stress. My gosh, your hubs and my sig other must have been separated at birth, he wanted to fly home to see his grandchildren while I was recovering, leaving me to fend for myself :P I had a total meltdown, and the doctor glared at him saying he can fly home at another time.

I honestly think some men don't know how to care for others, they tend to stand around with their hands in their pockets acting totally baffled. I blame their Mom for spoiling them.

Me too :) Live and learn! I now have some significant back problems that almost certainly will require surgical intervention. My last back surgery, all my hubs did was bring me one warm Diet Coke. No glass, no ice. Literally, never helped me at all. Actually, he went out of town for 2 weeks 4 days post op. THIS go- around, I will have a daughter in every day for an hour and will hire out the snow removal and luckily, it will be winter so no yard work. No point in being a martyr! Also HE can sleep in the spare room if I have a bad night.
Hubs is FINE with paying people to do a lot of things, so if I have to hire a housekeeper, so be it. Probably he'll be out of town and I will heal up better if he's just not here. (Sorry for hijacking this post!)

Midkid58, BINGO.... if I had to do it all over again I, too, would have hired out a lot of stuff. I would have hired someone to come in to clean the house and do all of the yard work. Guess I was waiting for my sig other to say he would help by paying for this work to get done. I am still waiting :P

FreqFlyer--I hope you are much better now. I also had zero help when hubby was sick. Our kids were all married (the youngest moved out in order not to have to witness what we were going thru) and people did stay away, in droves, He had HepC which caused the liver cancer. We weren't shy about educating people about it, but we still "lost" many friends and family His own mother would not even drink a glass of water that came from our house. We also went to therapy and yeah, I still have some anger towards how horribly he treated me--but since he has no recollection of it, it seems silly to hold on to that anger. I am supposed to be the strong one, the toughie. If he sees me cry, he flips out and tells me to stop being "hysterical". W/O a doubt, I suffered PTSD after his illness, surgeries and non-stop care. (I didn't get 15 minutes respite in 4 months) I'm no saint, that's for sure, but if I had to do it over, I would have hired out a lot of the stuff I did and made sure I had "me time" no matter how angry it made him. Also, we all need to know that everyone is NOT cut out for caregiving, esp for the elderly. It takes mountains of patience and an unconditional love that seems impossible. And likely at the end of the day, you get no thanks.

Maybe your subconscious is just trying to work through the stress and pain you experienced throughout her life and death. You never yelled at her-- that's amazing,but your inner self may feel very angry. Whether it is PTSD or not, see a counselor if you can?

Midkid58, I can relate to what you wrote except what happened to me was reversed.... I was the one diagnosed with breast cancer who was having horrible dizzy spells, nightmares, crying jags, being exhausted.... and it was my sig other who wasn't ill who was miserable, cranky and mean to me. I also had zero help.... none of my friends could relate so they slowly disappeared. Some co-workers avoided me like I was contagious. Even my boss became user unfriendly, guess she thought she would be diagnosed next.

Turns out after sig other went into therapy that I realized why he acted that way toward me [he denies any of this happened, of course, he doesn't want to be looked upon as the bad guy].... he had seen too much cancer from immediate family members plus his late wife who all died that he thought that was going to happen with me.... thus the reason why he was lashing out at me. Unfair? You bet ya. That was 5 years ago and to this day I still resent how he acted toward me.

As Dr. Phil would say, "women have very long memories".

Seeing all the detailed and complex responses to the issue of PTSD and elder care it sure looks like there is the issue of PTSD related to elder care. So let's get it out on the table and have it addressed more publicly. I especially take heart with the woman who was told by a 'therapist (?)' to put her daughter in foster care after she, the daughter, was molested. The problem is growing substantially as our elder population out grows in number our youth and future caregivers. Childcare and Eldercare encroach our working population and rob working people of energy to give their best to their employer

Yes, yes, yes, PTSD is very real for caregivers. PTSD is not a term given just to returning veterans, it's for everyone. I left an abusive marriage and was diagnosed with it. I was laid off from my job and had to move back home to live with my 86 year old mother who has never liked me. I struggle every day to continue to look for a job, while juggling caregiving too. I have 3 siblings in town that do nothing. If I ask for help they all get mad and tell me I have to move out, even though they know full well I have no place to go. Their desire is to pack mom off to an assisted living facility and let her sit there alone until she passes. Shocks me that they don't even bother to stop by and say hello to her when they're 5 minutes away. I have seen the truth in my family that is ugly and so selfish it defies logic. I don't think any caregiver comes out of it without some form of stress-related issues. Sad, but true......

Sounds more like care giver burn out. If you have a schedule that you have your person on, schedule 1 hr. for you. Stay in touch with your friends and family and other people who know you and are willing to be your sounding boards. The more support you have (clergy and medical) the better you will feel and the better your cared one will feel. Take a day off and just do whatever you want...even if it's staying in the home for safety sake....and reading a book or turning your bathroom into a spa. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

I cared for my husband 24/7 with almost no breaks for sleep, exercise, "me time" for almost 4 months when he had a liver transplant. He was miserable, cranky and mean to me. I knew it was the drugs and the illness leading up to the need for the transplant. After he "recovered" enough to go back to work and resume a "normal" life, I began experiencing horrible dizzy spells, nightmares. vomiting,crying jags... no obvious reason for any of this--oh wait I was EXHAUSTED and my body shut down for a couple of months. I had zero help in this--me totally alone in a situation with no support whatsoever. I look back and I am amazed I lived through it. He doesn't remember much of anything, thank goodness, but I was sick as a dog for a couple months. PTSD is for real.

Yes, PTSD is real and if you are having difficulty dealing with caregiving, please seek professional counseling to help you cope with the immense stressors that come with caregiving. My best wishes to you.

la55cagirl, oh my gosh, the same thing happens to me whenever the telephone rings any time during the day.... when I see my parent's ID on the phone it terrorizes me, my heart goes into my mouth, I feel light headed like I will pass out.

It doesn't matter if one lives long distant or a few houses away, the telephone ring is still starting.... my parents live literally around the corner from me.... being both are in their mid-90's and in good health for their age, you never know what might happen. I think it is part of the *what if* syndrome.

I am obsessed about my parents, like you are about your Dad. I don't think our parent understands the stress this is causing us.... how I wished my parents would have moved into a retirement community where they can CALL on others to help them. Thus, if Dad falls, Mom could buzz security and they can come running.... leave me out of the loop as Dad usually doesn't get hurt when he falls.

It is just a dream. It may come from a lack of sleep and your living with ongoing stress. Just try to get some sleep and rest.

I definitely have post traumatic stress disorder. I have been taking care of old people my whole life and it is very stressful. I got 2 years off when I was about 20.

I wondered about PTSD in caregiving too because I think I am experiencing some of the symptoms related to this condition. For example, an overactive startle response every time my phone rings at 3 am or for that matter, almost every time it rings. Since I am a long distance care manager for my elderly father who is 94, and cannot see what is going on with him daily, as most people can who live near their parents, it is super stressful for me. I am also an only child. I've set up good caregivers for him during the day hours, but he can't afford the evenings. He usually sleeps through the night though gets up to go to the bathroom. He uses a walker and has an emergency alert button and neighbors and relatives in the area. Even with all that support, I experience great anxiety when phones ring, especially at odd hours. I also experience heightened anxiety most of the time because he is on my mind nearly constantly during the day. We are in different time zones and I am obsessively checking the clock to notice if a caregiver is now there, if he may have fallen etc. I have a therapist, I exercise every day but I do drink more frequently than before and take anti-anxiety meds when I need to. I am not as happy, easy going or social as I used to be because my first priority is my Dad. I have postponed any traveling except to visit him until he dies. I was never a drinker or drug taker but have cut myself some slack in the 4 years my Dad has been widowed and the responsibility has fallen to me to make sure he is alright. Yes, in my experience, PTSD is quite real.

The stress of long-term caregiving can definitely lead to anxiety, irritability, fearfulness, insomnia and a multitude of other symptoms that are the same as someone suffering from PTSD. I have often wondered if my emotional state was caused by PTSD, but then I think, does it really need to have a name? I, too, have vivid dreams about my husband who I took care of for over 35 years until his death in 2012. I believe the dreams are simply a way that my subconscious tries to construct a story regarding what I experienced, putting voice to my fears and uncertainties. I acknowledge the dreams, but I don't dwell on them. I believe that dreams can be a coping mechanism, even if they're disturbing, and should be put into perspective for what they are. If your stress levels are causing distressing symptoms, please talk to your doctor about it. Take care of yourself ...

You bet there is! A caregiver can endure a whole lot of mental and emotional abuse, as well as non-abusive stress. Our brain and our body chemistry react to stress the same way, whether we're being chased by a lion or screamed at by a loved one. Healing from PTSD needs a body-mind-spirit/psyche approach. Guilt is negative energy, so try replacing it with positive thoughts or calming activities (such as knitting or listening to music). Blessings to you, and keep the faith.