Is it truly possible to get back to life after caregiving?

I've mentioned several times here that when I was caring for my dad in my home I felt this low level sense of apathy. I wouldn't exactly call it depression but it wasn't much of a life. And being a caregiver gave me a great excuse to hide from the world and not put myself out there too much. But because I felt like I had to do something I did go to church, I volunteered one day a week, and had the occasional lunch with a friend but I was in the house 90% of the time and I think that can be depressing in and of itself. Add caring for an elderly parent on top of being cooped up in the house and it might feel like life is passing you by. I know I felt like that.

Once we found out that my dad would never get out of the nursing home I had to make a lot of changes and FAST since I couldn't afford the house in which we lived all on my own. I rented a condo that I love and got a job. It's been a year now of being on my own and while I'm not exactly living the life I would like to live it's better than being chained to the house all day everyday.

Yes, I think it's not only possible but probable that you feel the way you do because of anger and negative feelings. Regardless of whether you have good reason to feel like that or not anger and negative emotions make us unhappy. Try to find a way to unload that stuff, do some things for yourself. See a movie. Read a great book. Call up a friend and have lunch. Those are just some of the things I do now that add some pleasure to my life. Today I got a haircut, got my nails done, and whitened my teeth and I feel like a million bucks. In a little while I'm going to watch Netflix and finish off my evening with a good book. We have to participate in activities we enjoy. I wasn't so good at that when I was caring for my dad but I didn't know how to do that stuff when I was caring for him. My entire life revolved around my dad. Now I can see that it didn't have to. I wish someone had pointed that out to me then.

You are not alone in the way you feel. Family caregivers should have a boost in their self esteem because they are so helpful, but instead many feel their esteem slipping more as the years wear on. When I hear of people who have been doing this 10-20 years, I wonder how they are still facing the day. I don't know why it is so hard on the self esteem. It would be nice to read some ideas about that on here. I know my self esteem has nose dived in the last four years. My face is stressed, my clothes not so good any more, and my profession feels like unemployed, even though I work all day.

If we look beyond, though, and go inside ourselves, we know how important we are. It isn't really just about the care receiver, it is the whole family. We often complain about siblings that don't help, but we may actually be what we're doing to help them. It is like we have their back and they don't even realize it.

Now if someone I am helping would just buy me some new clothes... or maybe a new car... I like to think when this is over that something magical is going to happen. However, I may simply be facing the reality of being a lonely old woman if it goes on much longer. What a horrible possibility to think about. That sounds like something worth fighting against. (Pardon the rambling. I am just thinking out loud.)

please help me. I was a care giver for over 20 years (3 different people - unbelievably concecutively) and last year the last of my charges passed away and I am lost. I feel like I would imagine a prisoner would feel when paroled - I'm completely alone and scared all the time. I've lost all purpose and do not know how to make this better. Its been over a year now and things are, if anything, worse. I do not know how to fix this - I was there for so many for so long and now that I need help....I'm alone. Please, if any one has over come this please please give me some advice for I'm at the end of my rope

I don't have much patience with my couple of old friends anymore. I told my best friend the other day about my victory over hepc and she continued cooking supper without the first comment on the matter. maybe I feel more aged now and expect some kind of maturity out of my associates. maybe nothing at all has changed. I always did call her " flatline " behind her back. im tired of slackjowled BS. I need a friend with a brain or at least a pulse.. * sigh *

Sandy, mothers of small children often feel the same way. You need some time off, one day a week to do something fulfilling. Go fishing. Spa Day. Ride a Harley, whatever it takes.
KC any care agency would love to have you. Go sign up.
Cap, maybe she is worried you'll fall off the wagon. Maybe she knows someone else who needs a miracle and can't find one. Ya never know.

na , pam . this gal has always had crappy mannerism. I honestly believe that in ways ive grown and her ditzy - ness isn't funny anymore. maybe shes close to menopause and her brain is foggy. either way caring for mom in her final months has made me more pinpoint focused and concise. cant handle someone whos hitting on 3 cylinders..

Cap after riding through Hell in a handbasket, I think we become intolerant of anyone hitting on 3 cylinders. When you grapple with the Grim Reaper, you are impatient with indecisive, preoccupied types. Your cape unfurls and you expect them to do the same. I'm no better, when I get an LPN who can't remember the generic name of a drug they are giving and mix it up with something that sounds similar, lightning bolts shoot out of my eyes.

Maybe, just maybe Cap, this ditzy person just doesn't take it as seriously as you do, or realizes how long it took you to get there. Ignorance is bliss. ZIP IT on the MENopause jokes. LOL, imagine going through this, that and all the rest.

Back to the original poster...Sandy22, I feel that way a lot of the time. Our upbringing, the care we received from the person we are now caring for has, in my opinion , a big part to play in how we perceive what is before us. I've had my beloved dog longer than I lived with my parent's.... yet, I felt more empathy than all 3 brothers towards my mother.
Now my biggest problem is finding that "peace" in the decision I made to care for her.