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This is a question I never thought I'd ask.Hubs just diagnosed with moderate Alzheimer'sDr said he seemed able to manage his ADLs but I see it differently.He should not be driving nor operating farm equipment.Just discovered I (caregiver) may need open heart surgery for removal of fibroelastoma on leaflet of aortic valve. Oh wonderful! (detecting some sarcasm there). Echo test next week. We had already discussed possibility of moving off the farm to some place easier to care for. We could stay here but cost of hiring someone to mow is exorbitant. Family (hour away at least) insists we move closer to them. Our friends, church, doctors, etc. are all here. All have very busy schedules and we never intended to have them be our plan for aging - they have their own lives plus young kids. One daughter wants to come care for her dad AND has to bring all her dogs (sorry - no). Other wants dad to stay with them while I'm 'out' - has a house full of cats. Neither of us can tolerate pets in houses - outside is fine. Not sure DH will adjust to staying most any place during all this...not a social person at all. Hearing aids and cpap machine require attention - he doesn't 'do' that stuff. Ideas welcome.

Crucial here is that all paperwork is done and up to date and everyone knows where it is. Full POA for you and hubby needs to be available to one child.

I am thinking that it would be a good thing if hubby could get along with the cats in this instance. It is no time for him to be home alone unless family is checking daily.
The thing is you need to discuss thoroughly this surgery and what recovery will look like for you.
I am so sorry. Can't imagine juggling all this and open heart surgery as well. Other option ask the daughter willing to stay with hubby during this to try hard to find pet sitter to watch her dogs in her home if they can't be tolerated in yours.

You appear to be in a strong faithbased community? Any ideas THERE on anyone who would/could stay with hubby during your recovery?
You clearly would have a better idea of how to get in help but this needs to be as carefully prepared for and planned as you can make it. Be sure your advance directive clearly states what you would want in any instances of need, and that it is on file in doctor's records.
Wishing you luck. Am so sorry and you must be so worried about ALL of this.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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JLyn69 Apr 17, 2025
Wonderful insight from you and all the others - very much appreciated!
first step today-discussion with realtor. And good suggestions from them. Got this ball rolling! Worry solves nothing.
Have mtg soon with atty to update as necessary.
Then the annual ritual, missed last year while dealing with sis - had forgotten how free-ing it felt to weed files now that taxes are filed . Simple things!
Hubs in better mood today after gel injection in knee - he knew there was no guarantee but got instant improvement.
❤️ to all of you.
As for faith-based support - true, but isolated area. I’m sure some would help if asked but you all have given me lots of options to consider.
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Take the keys to the farm equipment and hide them. Really hide them well. Pretend they are lost.
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Speak to your surgeon. They should have a social worker available that can make arrangements for your husband.
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Does the farm equipment he's trying to use have keys that you can keep away from him?

I called my son-in-law last night based on your post because he grew up on a farm and now works for a non-profit that runs farm safety programs, but mostly for kids. He was not aware of any resources for elder farmers or any authoritative farming organizations that would be able to "test" him for capacity to safely run that equipment, much like the Dept of Public Safety. Seems there may be a need for such a thing.

I wish you a successful procedure and a full and speedy recovery.
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Thanks JoAnn29. Good suggestions. Doctor is neurologist and in same practice as family doctor. Progression - no time table for that as we all know. Lost my sister 11 months ago to Alz - towards the end she 'knew I was someone she had a relationship with' Bittersweet memories. It is time to downsize!
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Speak to the place where you will have the surgery.

My nephew's FIL had to be placed in short term respite when his wife had to have an operation for colon cancer. The surgical facility helped arrange placement and even got them a better "deal" on the price.
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Reply to notgoodenough
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What's his take on vacations? Respite care would be a short stay in a skilled nursing facility. Socializing optional if he prefers his own company. It would provide everything he needs and peace of mind for you, knowing his needs are met. Check continuing care communities near you. Having someone come in may not work but it's worth checking with the social worker at the hospital or with County elder services.

Best wishes for a successful recovery.
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JLyn69 Apr 16, 2025
Thanks ravensdottir - lots of good insight there. Much appreciated.
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Care.com or contact your local Area Agency on Aging for temporary respite resources.

To get him to stop driving and operating dangerous equipment, ask his primary doctor to put in an order for a virtual driving assessment, which is done through a clinic's OT department. If/when he fails (there is a MoCA cognitive test and a physical reaction test) then they are mandated reporters and it will be passed on to the Department of Public Safety who will cancel his license.

I'm not sure about the farm equipment thing... I don't know who or what agency would have any authority over that. That may only be a family decision. Not sure how you would enforce it with him.
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Reply to Geaton777
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If you have the money, find an Assisted Living who will take him while your gone. Maybe close to one of the kids. I would consider for a while why you recuperate.

The doctor, take a list of things you see daily in your husband and give it to the receptionist to give to him. Like why you don't think he should be driving. What I did was write short sentences 1, 2, 3. In 14 font and double spaced. Just short and sweet. If this doctor is not a Neurologist, you may want to see one. PCPs really aren't qualified, IMO, to treat Dementia.

Once you are back on your feet you need to start planning on downsizing. His progression can be slow and I have seen a person decline in 6 months. Carried on a conversation with me in January and by June did not know who I was. No input from DH. You do what YOU need to do for you.
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