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I found a resident with an aide helping to clean resident up in my mom's personal bathroom. The resident had soiled himself and the aide took him to my mom's bathroom. I was told this by a family member who was visiting. Mom's room smelled awful and there was no explanation of why the aide used my mom's personal room. I'm not sure what the policy and procedures are and would like to know before I address this incident. Any thoughts?

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Vonping, I am so sorry for your loss and all the pain and confusion going on right now. Know that your mother at last at peace and would want you to be also. In my experience all the " finalizing" takes a while, and it is a holiday weekend so that slows all down more. It is time for you to rest...you have been there for your mother all along and are still trying to be so. But her suffering is over so you can at last relax. Let the process work itself out. God bless you....I have been right where you are now.
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To my Aging Care friends. Thank you for your sympathies. I have more issues w/ the funeral home since my last post. I have learned that my mom is still not cremated. I have called FH many times and ( Michele) who has been trying to help is not following through. Now she is off until Tues. My parents made their arrangements many years ago and prepaid. To have this experience w/ FH is SO upsetting. I am trying to reach Mr. Barry Brewer (owner) to get issues resolved. The thought of my mom still in a refrigerator is .... ( I HAVE NO WORDS!) Please pray for us to get the answers and help we need to see that my mom's last wishes are carried out. (I am considering hiring an attorney, when this ordeal is over) Any thoughts on this ? What kind of an attorney would I hire ?
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JoAnn, thank you for your response that a loved one comes for them. I too missed my mom's last breath by minutes and still feel guilt about it. I have been comforted by posters here that say often your loved one wants to be alone when they pass to spare those left behind. Your answer gave me an entire new perspective and I thank you so much.
Vonping, again, I am so sorry for your loss. I wish your family comfort in remembering all the good times you had and that your mom is at peace now.
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Vonping, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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So sorry to here about Mom. It seems the norm that they pass just at the moment you leave for a few minutes. I believe they aren't alone. A loved one comes for them.
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So sorry to hear about your mom.
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Oh Vomping, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Vonping,
So sorry for your loss of your dear Mother.
Thank you for sharing with your new friends here on the forum.

There are many who have experienced similar frustrations, the pain, confusion, and regret of not being by their loved ones side at the exact moment. You may feel alone right now, maybe it's late at night and you cannot sleep.

This difficult and sad journey will be hard. Keep coming back so we can try to ease your burden as you go on the next few days, weeks, months. Every person here can be counted among your new friends.

Sorry your Mom has died.
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Oh my vonping! I'm so sorry!

I was following you along here since I have some of the same issues at my parents AL...but also lotsa caring and love there too, most all of them deserve great praise! Sure, I'd be upset too if they didn't get back with me. I have no answers for you but hang on, someone here will offer you advice and guidance soon.

Thinking of your Mom, you and your family...peace
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Oh Vonping
I am so very sorry for this difficult journey for you and your mom

Do not beat yourself up about her final hours before passing - you were there for her

May the love of your family and friends ease your grief
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To date, I have called numerous times and left messages for the director to call me back. I visited mom on 5/14/17 and there was a med tech in charge and he knew nothing of the issues... So frustrating.....
On 5/17/17 PM I received a call from the med tech , informing me that mom's saturation was dangerously low. He called informed me that he had called 911. I am recovering from an arm surgery & could not drive. After learning that 911 was called, I immediately tried to order an Uber ride to the hospital. I was on the Uber web sight and my home phone (at the same time) , trying to clarify a misunderstanding w/ my Uber account. Meanwhile I received 2 phone calls from the ER. One from the nurse and a few minutes later from the ER doctor. Both asking me if I was on my way to the hospital? I explained my situation. I was informed that they were going to do their best to keep my mom breathing (without using artificial measures ) Mom has/had DNR orders in place. OMG....I'm now wigging out. I called my children to let them know what was going on and ask them to get to the hospital asap. Meanwhile an Uber ride showed up for me and I went straight to the ER. Soon after my girls and son in law as well as my husband showed up. My mom was unresponsive and the oxygen mask was forcing air into her lungs. I requested clergy (for mom's last rights). Once her last rights were received, the oxygen mask was disabled & morphine was administered to keep her comfortable. All her stats went to normal rhythms and didn't sway . The kids went home to shower as did my husband. I went to the restroom. I wasn't gone for more than a few minutes. When I returned to her room there were 2 nurses, disconnecting machines. It appears that mom was waiting for us to leave her alone, so she could take her last breath. The nurses reassured me this happens often. I don't understand? I'm so torn up. I should have been by her side when she passed over. The whole ordeal seems like a dream. It's been 4 days since mom passed. Dealing w/the funeral home has left a bitter taste . They have dropped the ball with misinformation on her obituary as well as many other details with the (pre-arrangements ) made by my mom numerous years ago. I'm numb! Upset & frustrated.
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I agree with all the scenirios. First I want to say that CNAs don't make enough but I have seen "the mice will play when the cat is away". In an AL they r only required, her in NJ, one RN and she is on call after her 40hr work week. An LPN is usually next but I found that she was not always there on weekends so Med techs were in charge. If ur Mom is private pay, then she is renting that room and as such no one but staff should enter. Hopfully, the aide cleaned up well, meaning everything was wiped down with Clorox wipes. I would have brought it up to the nurse first. She is the boss of the CNAs as is the LPN. I found twice where CNA didn't clean up the toilet seat with Mom. Both on weekends and I supplied wipes in the cabinet above the toilet with a sign on the door.
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If this happened last weekend, today being Wednesday, and you wrote to the director so that s/he got your request on Monday? - and then had to get hold of the staff involved to find out what happened before replying, I think it's a bit soon to be champing at the bit.

If it was the weekend before, perhaps not too soon.

Either way, why not put in a follow-up telephone call to the director's secretary to confirm that your enquiry/complaint has been received and ask when you might expect the courtesy of a reply.
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I appreciate all the advise and comments.
I have reached out to the director and to date," have not received a return reply."
This is a sad situation for the resident who had the accident, as well as for the guest who had to experience the unpleasantness of the aroma as well as the situation "in general". The guest who was visiting my mom did try to address the issue. Unfortunately, there was limited staff available on a weekend afternoon.
In general the entire scenario is sad, uncomfortable as well as unfortunate for all who had to experience this uncomfortable situation. At this point and time I am more frustrated with the director who has not replied to my inquiry! This isn't 't the first time I have reached out (only to be iqnored).
On the plus side:
My mom is safe. It's a clean, secure MCF , it appears that her major needs and requirements are being met.
It's just so frustrating that I cant get a reply, let alone what are the procedures and guidelines for this type of incident. I have so much on my plate "maybe I should let this incident go?"
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I do get how you might feel your mom's space was invaded, but, after seeing my LO in AL and then MC, I could easily imagine how an innocent situation turned in to staff trying to get someone clean with the least amount of stuff getting leaked, dropped, etc. It might have just been a practical thing that would never occur again. I might ask if they could confirm that for me.
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In most ALFs and NHs more than half the residents have dementia. So even if this is not a memory care facility, there are going to be episodes of inappropriate behavior by the residents. Perhaps that is a factor here.

Or, the poor guy was walking down the hall to his own room and had a very urgent need for a bathroom. He dashed into the nearest room, got into the bathroom, and pulled the cord for an aide.

Though very distasteful, I don't think this incident necessarily reflects badly on the facility. It sounds like they handled it as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

This entire episode is sad. It is sad that your mother needs to be in a care center. It is sad that some people with dementia get confused about which room is theirs. It is sad that many elderly people don't have full control of their bodily functions. It is sad that the poor man had the embarrassment of visitors knowing his predicament.

I would talk to the director about the incident. I would go in with the attitude that I'd like to understand this sad incident and also to hear if there is anything the facility is doing to prevent a repeat. I wouldn't go in with accusations of violating rules.
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I'm fairly certain there are no laws or even written protocol regarding this incident. It would probably fall under the heading of not being able to anticipate and therefore regulate every type of incident that can happen in a care facility setting. If this were a memory case facility or if there was a contagious disease situation there is a better chance of something related to this situation has a regulation or protocol.
But honestly- I'd be surprised.

I'm assuming that your mother has a private room since she has her own bathroom. If it were me - I'd talk with the director asap, state that good money is being paid for a private room and bathroom in part, to prevent exactly this type of thing from happening. In short - it is an invasion of your mothers privacy and personal space. Then ask the director how and why this was allowed to happen. Then follow up with asking what steps will be taken to ensure this never happens again. 

I feel bad to the resident who had the accident. Seems to me this is a hit on their dignity as well. 

On a side note - it's to bad the visitor seeing your mother didn't speak up at the time. I certainly not blaming them but things like this a best addressed immediately. JMO.
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Yes, that makes sense... Maybe, she did find him in there!
I've searched the web and can't the facilities handbook or policies any where. I've even searched nursing home care standards and several other places to no avail.
Yes, I will be contacting the director. I wanted to know the policy first before I do.

Room is fine now !
Thanks.
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This is, obviously, a complete guess, but I would guess that the aide used your mother's bathroom because she found the other resident in your mother's bedroom. Which would also explain the terrible smell in the room. What is being done about that? Have you been able to check the cleanliness of the room since this happened?

Policy and procedures relating to the facility should be available through the facility's own, or the group's (if applicable), website. But in any case your first step is to report this incident to the manager or director and ask for an explanation of what happened.
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