My sister has POA of my father with dementia, yet I'm the full time live-in guardian. I don't agree with this setup because if something medical came up I have to get her approval before following what I think is best. Dad gave her POA in the event he couldn't care for himself before he was officially diagnosed. I'm totally ok with her running his finances. She has told me that POA cannot be transferred because he has been considered unable to care for himself and has dementia. Is there different rules in different states? Is she right?

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mendad89: Can you get a copy of the POAs (assuming there's one for finances and one for medical)? I contacted Mom's lawyer a few days ago and asked for his advice on how to get authority for my two sisters to handle Mom's care when I go home in a few months and I am primary for both of Mom's POAs. How would my sisters work with the hospital, et al? He said he includes, in the section for when successor agents take over for the primary agent, besides the "death of primary agent, resigns, etc.", is "unavailable." He said he includes that segment in all POAs.

Sure enough, I checked that paragraph and there it was. I had studied her POAs carefully years ago, but hadn't fully comprehended the "unavailable." This solves everything and it's seamless for my sisters to do what they need to do for Mom. Edited to add: When I dropped off Mom's medical POA to our local hospital the next day, I pointed that paragraph and told her that I was leaving. She said it'd be no problem for the hospital to accept that POA and my sisters will have the authority needed.
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People with dementia can and do change POAs. The critical piece is whether they can understand what they are signing. It doesn't matter if they don't know who is president or what month it is or what they had for breakfast, if they understand the document and have not been declared by a court to be incompetent, they can make a new or change and existing POA.

The lawyer asked my husband if he understood what she just explained. What did this paper mean? He answered "It means Jeanne can make decisions for me when I can't to it myself." That was it. That is all it took.

There are two kinds of POA, though. One is about finances, and the other is about medical care. These can be two different people.

Here is an article by an Aging Care expert that you may find helpful
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Thanks for asking, and I didn't mean to say "I don't care" in my initial post, because that certainly isn't the case. My reference to that would only be when he disagrees with who he thinks I am, or when his behavior supports this confusion.
He's an awesome old guy, funny, sweet, and treats women with a "Slap on the butt" if he can work it in. So when anyone indirectly suggests to allow this behavior, … I only mean to politely say I don't agree. If we are in public, I reaffirm what he shouldn't do before we go in anywhere, and it works, especially if he gets a treat afterwards.
His primary doctor isn't a dementia doctor, and I'm sure would only suggest I go to the appropriate doctor for dealing with mental stuff.
I have many others in the senior center to talk to and will follow up with them.
Again, thank you for your response.
I still would like to hear from another caregiver who can share how they have dealt with anything similar concerning confusion of thinking a caregiver was/is a spouse.
Helpful Answer (1)

Mendad, what does your Dad's primary doctor recommend regarding the issue that Dad thinks you are his girlfriend?
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Are you his guardian in the legal sense of the word?
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Glad to hear your confirmation on the POA.
As far as going with the flow on my Dad getting me mixed up with being his GF…. sorry, that just doesn't work if he's trying to get in bed with me, or gets sad and/or bossy when I won't get in his bed.
For the most part we do pretty good and I go with the flow, just not on that issue.
Helpful Answer (4)

Mendad, yes your sister is right. Your Dad is at a point where he cannot understand legal documents, thus no Power of Attorney changes can be made. It doesn't matter what State you live in, it is just common sense.

Caregiving a person with Dementia is not easy. I see from another post of yours where you are getting impatient with Dad and are trying to correct things he is saying. You cannot correct a broken brain. It is much easier to just agree with Dad and let it be.
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