My brother has asked for $ from my mother's very limited account in order to fly his 4 member family to see her. Now he wants more $ for more visits. Can I deny his request as it drains her funds? She is in an alzheimer/dementia facility.
Good heaens! Of course you shouldn't be handing money out of Mother's limited funds for any request that comes your way.
If mother had plenty of money and she was in the habit of flying family members in to see her, maybe this would be appropriate. But under the circumstances your role is to see that her money is used wisely for her care.
I'm no expert considering my mom has less than limited funds and my sister, her husband and their 5 kids are pretty much in the same situation financially, so the question has never come up. We just all keep hoping that we'll be able to make a visit happen before it's too late. However, you have the POA and you have a legal responsibility to look out for your mother's best interests. If you were to ask my mom about it her immediate answer will be, "I'll pay for it!" She has no money, but she thinks she does. In other words, relying on your parents choice may not be the best decision. There's also a difference between there being a true need and the ability to fulfill that need and one just taking advantage, even if he/she doesn't mean to. As much as your brother may want to come and see your mother, maybe you should "just say no". He needs to save up the money for these visits if he truly wants him and his family to see your mother. Where there's a will, there is always a way. Good Luck!
Absolutely deny. You are appointed to over see her finances not fund your brothers trips. I hope you haven't already done this. Especially Ly if her funds are limited.
black & white - you don't mention how your mom is paying for her care at the facility but if Medicaid is paying or you may have to apply for Medicaid in the future, there could be a "transfer penalty" for spending mom's $ on something other than her care and personal needs. Remember there is a 5 year lookback that could occur on mom's finances if she needs to go to Medicaid in the future. Buying your adult brother his and his family's airfare to visit mom could cause a transfer penalty as this would be $ that could have been spent on her care but instead was spent on a family member (and one who doesn't even live in the same city or seems to be providing any care). Google "Medicaid transfer penalty" and then use this as the reason why NOT to pay for their airfare.
The penalty makes them ineligible for Medicaid for a certain period of time based on the amount of $$ misspent and the reimbursement rate for NH Medicaid for your state. For example, in Texas it's about $ 148.00 a day & TX has a rather low reimbursement rate. It sounds like you would be the one that all of this will fall to to deal with and can you personally come up with the $ to pay off the transfer penalty? The sad fact is that if they live long enough they will run out of $ - unless your are truly generationally wealthy.
NO!!! As POA you are her agent and, I assume, also have her fiduciary responsibilities. You have the responsibility to safeguard HER assets for HER use. That does NOT include paying bills for your brother (his/family travel expense). Doing so would be construed as a distribution or gift to him/them and could affect her Medicaid eligibility time frame if her funds run too short and she still needs to be in a facility. Your attorney was out of line to encourage you to supply the funds to begin with. I know it's an emotional difficulty, particularly if your mother knows about his demand and wants you to give him the funds, but you need to do what is necessary and that is to tell your brother, sorry, that you cannot accommodate his request(s) because, as much as mom would love them to come, since the money is so limited you can't do it. It would absolutely have an adverse impact on your mother's resources -which you have accepted a legal responsibility to protect and administer. He can figure out his family's finances/resources for a visit. Things are tough all over.
b-t-w I am a CPA (accountant) and my husband is an attorney. I'm certainly not an expert on Elder Law and neither is my husband, but I am my mother's (dementia) POA and am having to deal with situations like this more than I ever expected or wanted to.... :(
If your mother wants to pay, that is her wishes but only if she really wants to. Being someone who has to fly to visit almost all of my family, I can tell you it gets very expensive. If the brother has no money to start with, well he just has no money for this. Can he drive? We used to drive all three girls up to see Grandma and Grandpa twice a year.
I have a neighbor whose mom pays for her son and grandchildren to fly from Washington State to Florida one or twice a year. He has a good job but not good enough to afford the thousands of dollars this would cost him. The grandparents can afford it, so they are generous.
My mother can well afford to pay for my airline ticket but she is way too cheap and I don't need the help.
Think of it like this, how long does your mother have? Would seeing her son and grandchildren do her alot of good? Even if he expects it, time is short and once life is over, it can't be reversed. If he can't see his mother because he is truly needy, that is sad. Think about it.
Been there..........I am so sorry you have to deal with this. .Your Mom has limited money, needs her money to PAY THE BILLS, but wants to give money away. .Yes, it is her money. Yes, it is good for her to see her family. . .The situation has changed............ . .Your Mom is in a facility now. Your mom may live for another few months, or she may live for years. The POA makes you legally responsible for paying her bills; your first obligation is to pay HER bills. Despite the impression that lawyer gave you before, your brothers' vacation is not a valid expense now. .Please, talk to an accountant. This does not have to be complicated. Since your Mom doesn't have a lot of money, try to set it up so you don't have to see the accountant on a regular basis, just as needed. A simple system, using a notebook should be fine. Keep the receipts in an envelope or staple them into the notebook. You may be able to reimburse yourself for expenses, but check with the accountant so you do it correctly. When your Mom passes, you may have to present this accounting to the estate. If the accountant and the lawyer do not agree, ask questions. Always err on the side of caution - keep the money only for your Moms care. Keep in mind that lawyers charge by the hour, and some even charge for phone calls. Lawyers are there to help us, but always be mindful that this is how they make their money. Most accountants charge by the hour, but some have "package deals" that include specific services. Google about this so you can be as knowledgeable and concise as possible when paying someone by the hour. ,.............
.I don't know your brother and I apologize if I sound alarmist........ I can only speak from first hand experience. When it comes to money, sometimes, people who you think are normal and reasonable, go crazy. ......so, follow the POA, both in letter and in spirit. .The added benefit of using some kind of accounting assistance is that you won't get upset or confused when something like this comes up. Do it right from the beginning and you will be confident that you did the legal, moral, ethical and honorable thing. Good luck.
Deny away I say. Unless said brother was coming to take over her care or allow you respite for awhile, there is no need to you to finance his trip with others to see mom. IMO, personally he should be ashamed for even asking, ALF & NH care is expensive andthat money should be used solely for mom's care.
Dear Black&White: Igloo572 is absolutely correct. With your mother's limited funds, even if she is not on Medicaid yet, she may soon need to be. Regardless of who has POA, her funds can be spent on nothing other than her own personal care. I am going through the process right now woth my Mom. Medicare will look at the previous 5 years worth of bank statements and financial assets (the 5-yr look-back period). Any large expenditures or funds or property given to another person will have to be explained as they can be viewed as a transfer of assets (financial or property) geared toward the purpose of hiding her assets to make herself eligible for Medicaid. The consequences are as Igloo described above - not a pretty scenario. So get tough with your brother and his family - he is not entitled to her money for any reason. Whether or not your Mom wants to give it to him, she is no longer responsible to make that decision, so you have to protect her financial assets only for her personal, medical, and institutional care only. Keep good records - you will need them for justification in the future.
I agree 100% Claire, you are so right. I wouldnt ever, as DPOA waste my Moms money on others with any possibility I could be held accountable. I think this is a nice way of getting out of it too, she can just say that she legally cannot do it.
If mother had plenty of money and she was in the habit of flying family members in to see her, maybe this would be appropriate. But under the circumstances your role is to see that her money is used wisely for her care.
Ly if her funds are limited.
The penalty makes them ineligible for Medicaid for a certain period of time based on the amount of $$ misspent and the reimbursement rate for NH Medicaid for your state. For example, in Texas it's about $ 148.00 a day & TX has a rather low reimbursement rate. It sounds like you would be the one that all of this will fall to to deal with and can you personally come up with the $ to pay off the transfer penalty? The sad fact is that if they live long enough they will run out of $ - unless your are truly generationally wealthy.
b-t-w I am a CPA (accountant) and my husband is an attorney. I'm certainly not an expert on Elder Law and neither is my husband, but I am my mother's (dementia) POA and am having to deal with situations like this more than I ever expected or wanted to.... :(
I have a neighbor whose mom pays for her son and grandchildren to fly from Washington State to Florida one or twice a year. He has a good job but not good enough to afford the thousands of dollars this would cost him. The grandparents can afford it, so they are generous.
My mother can well afford to pay for my airline ticket but she is way too cheap and I don't need the help.
Think of it like this, how long does your mother have? Would seeing her son and grandchildren do her alot of good? Even if he expects it, time is short and once life is over, it can't be reversed. If he can't see his mother because he is truly needy, that is sad. Think about it.
.Your Mom has limited money, needs her money to PAY THE BILLS, but wants to give money away.
.Yes, it is her money. Yes, it is good for her to see her family.
.
.The situation has changed............
.
.Your Mom is in a facility now. Your mom may live for another few months, or she may live for years. The POA makes you legally responsible for paying her bills; your first obligation is to pay HER bills. Despite the impression that lawyer gave you before, your brothers' vacation is not a valid expense now.
.Please, talk to an accountant. This does not have to be complicated. Since your Mom doesn't have a lot of money, try to set it up so you don't have to see the accountant on a regular basis, just as needed. A simple system, using a notebook should be fine. Keep the receipts in an envelope or staple them into the notebook. You may be able to reimburse yourself for expenses, but check with the accountant so you do it correctly. When your Mom passes, you may have to present this accounting to the estate. If the accountant and the lawyer do not agree, ask questions. Always err on the side of caution - keep the money only for your Moms care. Keep in mind that lawyers charge by the hour, and some even charge for phone calls. Lawyers are there to help us, but always be mindful that this is how they make their money. Most accountants charge by the hour, but some have "package deals" that include specific services. Google about this so you can be as knowledgeable and concise as possible when paying someone by the hour.
,.............
.I don't know your brother and I apologize if I sound alarmist........
I can only speak from first hand experience. When it comes to money, sometimes, people who you think are normal and reasonable, go crazy. ......so, follow the POA, both in letter and in spirit.
.The added benefit of using some kind of accounting assistance is that you won't get upset or confused when something like this comes up. Do it right from the beginning and you will be confident that you did the legal, moral, ethical and honorable thing. Good luck.
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