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Whatever agreement you made with grandma is probably "void" since she is no longer cognizant and decision making is out of your hands.
Whatever living arrangement has been made you need to look for other arrangements if placing grandma in a facility is in the future.
Send a letter, I would send certified, to the POA and inform the POA that under the current conditions you can no longer SAFELY care for grandma.
Outline what changes need to be made in order for you to continue caring for her.
Pick a date that the changes need to be made by. If there has been no improvement then tell the POA that for grandma's safety and yours you will no longer be able to care for her.
You could contact APS and inform them that as of (give the date you gave POA) grandma will be an at risk senior living by herself with no caregiver.
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If your state doesn’t have an Adult Protective Services or an Ombudsman, call your state’s Attorney General’s office. My state’s AG’s office handles cases of elder abuse, including financial abuse. If the POA won’t release funds for the care of the Principal (the person whose finances are being managed), thats straight up abuse.
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Jada824 Dec 2022
APS, Attorney General’s office doesn’t do anything. And the Ombudsman won’t can’t get involved if it’s a private residence….only a nursing home.

I tried everything
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Walk away. If you are doing all the work just call her and say i'm done. Don't feel guilty. You can't do it anymore. Give her all the information she needs preferably in an email or text so she and you have it in writing that you told her what needs to be done and just turn your phone off to her. Let her POA deal with it. Is there money involved? Like the POA is getting an inheritance or a chunk of money from an estate? This might be why she doesn't want to send her to a home she wants free services from you...Find out what the POA is in charge of...If the POA isn't in charge of finances then maybe she is trying to save you money by having you deal with it so you don't lose inheritance or maybe she knows your gma can't afford to go to a decent home. Either way POA needs to step up and discuss with you. If not leave it for her to deal with. I finally had to walk away from losing my mind and eventually one sibling stepped up only after completing cutting myself away from all of them did they realize i was serious. Don't take calls from them nothing. Just text or email...no phone because they will talk you back.
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Demamdatory: Imho, the power of attorney agent will have to step in to provide care and give you respite as you will be good to no one if your health reaches medical emergency status.
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Jada, who is the POA? Is it an Aunt? Your Mom sister? Or Dad's?

Before going all legal, leaving, APS etc - how about a family intervention? If Mom is in your corner, arrange a meeting with Mom, POA, Grandmother & yourself. This is where good old fashioned clear honest talk comes in.

Keep it simple.
Grandma needs more help.

State I am willing to do THIS much (list it). OTHER help must be arranged to fill the gaps: in-home or AL/NH.

Ask Grandma what her preferences are. She may have insight or not, but it's good to involve her & see how she feels about things.

The POA's priority seems to be avoiding a NH or maybe avoiding any strangers (or avoid spending $). This is SO common. Or plain old denial. Again, common (unfortunately).

Explain a NEW way to look at things is to change the priorities to *ensuring Grandmother has enough care*.

Maybe the POA made the mistake of promising 'No Nursing Home ever'. Silly - but people do.. POA can arrange copious amounts of in-home care without breaking that promise anyway.
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Grandma1954 Dec 2022
I'm confused, are you responding to a reply made by "Jada" or to "Demamdatory" above?
Grandma has dementia and is probably not decisional so asking her preference is probably not going to work.
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The POA is not going to act until forced. Make plans to move out and give the POA your exit date. Tell her she will have to make plans for your grandma before you leave or you'll be calling Adult Protective Services. No one understands caregiving until they are doing it. The POA is aware that 24/7 care will cost thousands and thousands of dollars. You're doing it for free, so why would POA pay someone.

I can only guess that you moved in with your grandmother for financial reasons. Do you have an income that would make it possible for you to leave?
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Is your grandmother competent? Being the person named to act in a Power of Attorney is not a guaranteed appointment. If Grandma is competent she can execute a new POA.
If Grandma is not competent, this might be a good time to contact an Elder Law Attorney about having a court appointed Conservator/Guardian who will act in your Grandmother’s best interest.
These are really tough situations. Best Wishes
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You are not a doormat. You are a grown woman and the Mom of a very young child who needs you. Your obligation is to find your own job, your own living space, and raise your own child. I would turn in my letter of resignation to the POA, letting her know when the last day of caregiving and living in grandmother's home will occur. Give her a full month to arrange help. I hope you have saved some funds so you can find a room at least as you go about the business of working for PAY (and if you are caregiving you already have somewhat a resume) and organizing your own life.
Many caregivers come to forum after years of caring for elders without a clear contract for pay to tell us them are homeless, jobless, and with broken physical and mental health. This is to say nothing about what they subject their children to if they drag them into these situations.
I wish you good luck.
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This post is from November 25, the OP has not replied since that date.
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