I need some advice please!
My mom had a few strokes and my dad has Parkinson's. In 2020, my mom had her first stroke, 2 more in 2021. At that time, my sister supposedly had a POA initiated. Mom doesn't remember much, but she doesn't remember giving my sister full financial and medical POA and neither does my pops. Medical Maybe yes, but not financial. And even with that being said my sister refuses to put me on the POA. (All I want is to be able to take care of billing issues for mom and dad.) She flat out said NO. Mind you she does not even live in the same state. My sister lives in Florida, we live in Pennsylvania.
I am worried to say anything or fight this because she holds things over me, such as this house. When mom and dad pass, it is mine and my husband's as long as I co tinge to care for my mentally challenged adult sister). She is always threatening to sell the house and put everyone in outside living facilities, however, nobody would be together, (all would be separated).
Note: My sister doesn't do anything except handle finances, she said she doesn't want anything to do with any of it unless there is a medical decision that is needed for serious care. Emergency and other care is strictly up to me..
ANY advice will be greatly appreciated, please help me
I would also think twice about excepting a house with stipulations. After caring for your parents do u really want to have to care for a special needs sibling? Have your parents set up a trust for this sibling? Is the sibling on Social Security Disability, Medicaid?
If your sister is POA and parents have been found incompetent, she can sell the house for their care. Wills mean nothing when there are assets that can be sold to care for people.
I think you may need a lawyer just to protect yourself. You are doing all the caring with no guarantees.
I would still see a certified elder law attorney and discuss the home, your sister and possible guardianship which overrides a POA. The downside is that it is expensive to obtain and not always given and requires ongoing paperwork.
What legal document do you have in writing about your handicapped sister and the home? You need to see an attorney. Not to add to your problems but your POA sister could turn your world upside down at any moment. What if something happened to her? You are all very vulnerable as it stands now based on what you have written. Again, your sister has no power to add you to your parents POA. Only they can do that and while competent. Find an attorney. Make sure the attorney is a certified elder attorney.
You say your Mom is s/p strokes, but nowhere do you indicate your parents have dementia.
Do they? Because if they have dementia it is too late for the POA to be changed by ANYONE, and certainly you cannot be added to it by a demented parent OR by the sister.
Who has the POA papers? They should reside with your parents. Time to ask them to get them out and go over them with you. Then it may be time to ask sister to a family meeting, herself, you, Mom and Dad present. You then should discuss all of this.
Then you can ALL go to an attorney and make out a NEW POA (again if parents don't have dementia, and as you are taking their word for what they don't remember I think you are believing they are competent in their decisions). If your Mom and Dad wish to change the POA they may do so. Ask if there is a Trust.Someone should be Trustee of the Trust as well. The new POA will stipulate what your parents want done and by whom. It overrides the old POA. All entities for which bills are paid, all accounts must then be changed to reflect the new POA. A HUGE JOB.
Do you understand all a POA does. That you will, if ACTING POA have to keep meticulous files regarding every single penny in and every single penny out of your parents account, and keep files for each account, stock, and etc, file taxes, and so on and so on and so on.
Now, if Sister is POA and Mom and Dad have dementia you could file guardianship of them, also. If you WIN their funds would pay the court costs. If you lose you would pay attorney.
Were I you I would go now to an Elder Law Attorney you pay by the hour with your questions and your options. Take the POA with you. It is your parents document though if you sister is acting POA she may have the original.
Good luck. It is so much less complicated when everyone can just get along, but it seems that happens seldom, or is it just that's who we see on Forum. I wish you the best and hope you will update us.