My Mum is 97yo. I take her to bathroom at intervals. (4:30am, 7am, 12noon, 3:30pm, 7:30pm, 11pm). After she finishes, she cannot clean herself. I have to clean her.
Problem is: she tightly closes her legs and crosses her arms whilst sitting on the commode.
Every time, I talk to her gently to persuade her to let me finish, reminding her 'did you leave the baby dirty after pee or did you wash the baby ?' and pointing the closed window for privacy etc.
She then relents and opens her legs a little bit. I immediately put my legs in-between her thighs to wedge them open (so I can work). Because she always immediately closes her legs very tightly again immediately.
The force Mum exerts hurts my knees. I experience excruciating debilitating pain afterwards. Sometimes it is hard to walk.
And NO: There is NOBODY available to help. This is Oz - no 'district nurses', no 'bath aide', no 'friend or relative', only mischievous malicious humbug. Ozzie nursing homes are famous for elder abuse/ neglect etc. Over my dead body Mum goes there so help me God.
Please kindly can you only give me any tip that I can manage on my own.
I will deeply appreciate your help.
And what the heck are you doing with the "figure-of-eight bandage under both her armpits and round her neck - Yikes!!
Try a gait belt
https://www.agingcare.com/products/gait-belt-448397.htm
and a walker or rollator.
And please get an occupational therapist to come in to observe and help you find better solutions.
https://www.agingcare.com/products/hands-free-bidet-toilet-attachment-445749.htm
Perhaps you could try coming at this from behind rather than the front - have her lean forward and/or scooch to the front of the seat, or alternatively wipe after she stands up.
Another idea - If you place a commode over the toilet you may have space to reach under.