Please help me cope. I'm a mess!

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Errata - I notice your post states that "maybe …" she's not eaten. Do you know for sure, or is someone telling you she hasn't been eating?

Liz, your profile doesn't indicate where your mother is. That could make a big difference, i.e., if she's in a care facility, the nurses would be able to offer insight. If she's at home, you're literally on your own and probably should contact one of her doctors ASAP and raise the issue.

There may actually be some legitimate reason she's not eating. Maybe she has a sore throat, or something else is going on. Check this out ASAP before drawing any further conclusions.
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I echo Jeanne's advice to say to your mother what you would want her to know, and what you want to share with her in the event that she is in a terminal situation.

Unless there's a specific medical reason why she's not eating (and I assume you've raised the issue with her doctor(s) ), it does sound as if she's approaching the end.

Don't let her go without telling her how much you love her, how much she's done for you, meant to you during your life, and other things to make her feel good about herself as her life ends.

And peace be with you as you also adapt to this most traumatic of events.
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I am so sorry for this stressful situation.

Is your mother at the end of her life? Is she on hospice care? Or is this lack of intake part of some other situation, such as pneumonia?

You have somehow managed to cope with her dementia. Sometimes with strength and understanding, sometimes less graciously (if you are life most of us.) You will manage to cope with this, too, one way or another.

Whether she is coherent or not, I suggest telling her things you want to be sure she knows. That you love her. That you will always carry her with you in your heart. That you are so glad for the love you've shared. I think that will help you cope and it may also be meaningful to your mother.

Share your feelings with people who know you well. If possible share them with people who know you and your mother.

Come back here and talk to us.
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I'm sorry you and your mom have come to this point. Is there anything specific we can help you with? ((hugs))
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Are you caring for her at home or is she in a SNF?
Definitely call hospice asap, or if she is in a SNF that offers it, put her on the palliative care.

I'm so sorry but sadly, this is usually what happens when their bodies are shutting down. (my aunt did this. ) They no longer have "need" for food and water. All you can do is to keep encouraging her to eat or drink but do not force feed. Swab her mouth with a flavored swab or see if she will take small sips through a straw (they tend to strangle easily on liquids at this point). Whatever you do, please do not have them put in a feeding tube. 
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