When planning a vacation, what is the best schedule for a caregiver? - AgingCare.com

When planning a vacation, what is the best schedule for a caregiver?

Follow
Share

Mother-in-law is 81 year old and was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia three months ago and Parkinson’s six months ago. My husband has been taking care of her and it has impacted our relationship significantly. He has to be with her all the time because she takes meds 7 times a day and she always forgets. The Carbidopa-Levodopa is tricky because she takes it 3 times a day and she can’t eat one hour before and 30 minutes after and it’s always a battle – she doesn’t understand why she can’t eat.

We want to take time off – 5 days – but she is very attached to my husband. We have a caregiver come in once a week and she barely tolerates the caregiver and will not take the meds from the caregiver and always wants the caregiver to leave.

If we have the caregiver come for 3 hours in the morning and 3 hours in the afternoon, there’s a possibility that she will not let the caregiver in for either shift. Do we give the caregiver a key? This seems to be the most ideal but giving a caregiver a key is risky. Any thoughts on this?

Thank you in advance.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
20

Answers

Show:
Can MIL really be left on her own except for 6 hours a day?

Look for a facility that offers respite care. MIL could go to this nice vacation house while you are away. It is EXPENSIVE, but sometimes they have "scholarships" available. This money should come out of mom's funds.

Absolutely do take that vacation! You both need it.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Your husband needs that break, even more than you do.

No matter how much time, devotion and love he puts in to his mother's care, the sad reality is that she is going to get worse. Over the last six months, he has been unconsciously training himself to believe that if only he tries hard enough he can save her, and that only he can comfort her. Neither is true. You need to snap him out of this pattern of thinking or quite apart from current difficulties her eventual, inevitable end is going to lay him waste.

The compromise visits don't sound adequate, though - it would be much better (and less of a worry for the two of you) to find a facility offering respite breaks, if you possibly can.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Tell MIL that you are ALL taking a vacation.
You are going to one place and she will be going to an "All Inclusive Resort" then schedule respite at an Assisted Living facility that you MIGHT consider placing her in at some time in the future.
She will get the care that she needs, she will have some socialization, she will get the meds she needs on the schedule that needs to be followed.
When I placed my Husband in a Memory Care facility for respite I think the cost was $150 a day. He had been going to the same place for Day Care so he was used to the routine as well as the staff. He adjusted quite well.
You all need a break.
Take your Vacation and enjoy yourselves.
Don't worry, emergencies rarely happen and most small incidents can be solved by phone.
Helpful Answer (13)
Report

Is MIL going to accept medication from the Caregiver?

Does her doctor know how resistant she is to anyone other than your Husband? It sounds as though there is some level of anxiety/agitation going on that should be addressed.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Take that vacation with MIL in a facility for a respite stay. I would not leave her alone even for a few hours. She could become disoriented and agitated and most anything could happen. Her choices? 24/7 at home or a facility.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

Facilities offer "respite care" but usually only at THEIR convenience. I'm saying this because finding one you can use at YOUR convenience in scheduling a vacation will be a QUEST! I agree that she needs to go to the doc; get her meds looked at to get her agitation under control first.
I also agree with those she needs to be in a facility; probably memory care which is the only one with a lock-down policy. Not cheap but she needs to be safe; she needs her meds in a particular order and this will be the only way you can leave town knowing she's going to be fine. Good luck!!
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

For the very short time I worked in a nursing/rehab/AL facility, I remember a lady who spent a week there while her son and his wife took a cruise. She wasn't wild about the situation but seemed contented enough when dining with the other AL ladies in the dining room. It may have been a prequel to admission there, not sure (she obviously had memory problems). She always had her cell phone in hand and usually wanted the workers there to dial for her (probably trying to reach her son, lol). Where mom is now, there is a lady over 100, pretty sharp but still seems to resent that her daughter put her in this facility (she'd taken care of this lady for 17 years in her home and actually volunteers at this facility now). Amazes me how people think they'll never end up having to be placed someday, lol.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

The 6 hours a days is a compromise, we can stretch it to longer but when we have a caregiver for 4 hours she tells them to leave over and over and they end up calling us, asking if they should leave.
With regards to the facility, I've thought of that as well but my husband thinks she will never agree to leaving her place, even if it's just 5 days. I am definitely re-thinking this option though.
Thank you!
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Maybe u get her experienced caregivers who knows just how to give her a much needed self time and ehave just like a good old family friend. Its hard I know but I have found myself working with those difficult people with dementia and one need to be very capable abd patient. Eventually she will give in and accept caregivers dont beat yourself through it.
If you trust caregiver give her the keys, if you MIL can still answer the phone make caregiver call and let her know is coming in.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Your MIL already needs more help than one person can provide. Your husband will burn out quickly and this kind of care puts the child in a parental role which is hard on both. Most elders resist the idea of care but with dementia either you will have to hire round the clock care, cost prohibitive unless you are wealthy, or find an appropriate facility. If you are new to elder care, call your Area Agency on Aging and they can explain what benefits your MIL qualify for if any. Respite care will benefit all of you. Most elders adjust fine, even though they may complain afterwards. Some facilities also offer day programs which are a good way to dip your toe in. With your MIL in care your husband can return to the supportive role of son and husband. I know it's hard but you will get through it. Look for a local dementia support group. It helps to be with others who understand as well as build compassion for yourself and others.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions