While caring for your aging parents/spouses with dementia.

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Scaredtaker, I agree with you 100%. I say I will never let it get to that point. I just hope I have the ability to control the situation myself by whatever means I have available. I would never want to continue living with no quality of life. When I feel it's my time to go, I want to be the one to make the decision. You'll get no slamming from me. I understand.
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This wont be popular but I will end my life should this happen and I am aware of it. NO WAY will I stick around for what I have seen happen to others. And to think of having my kids witness me deteriorate and likely say and do things that would hurt them. Don't slam me for my truth - please. I am being brutally honest. It only pertains to ME and what I would not personally agree to endure. I weep daily seeing my mom deteriorate. I miss her yet she is still alive. It is as though she is gone.
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I used to love that poem. I guess it still resonates for those who are struck down too soon, but for those of us caring for the truly old my thoughts are more "Please god, go gently into that good night. Rage no more, let go, embrace the dying of the light".
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My parents don't have dementia, but, I do care for my cousin, who I have witnessed progress to Severe/Late stage dementia. It really causes you to think about it more than people who don't encounter it within their family.

If I forget something, I think about it a little more than an average, oh no, I hope that's nothing serious. I also take coconut capsules and try to stay as healthy as possible, especially since I am a Type I diabetic. I keep my blood pressure down and see my doctor regularly to monitor my health. I'm joining my local Y and am returning to working out after an ordeal with a back injury a few months ago.

I'm going to work experts on the financial matters and leave those documents with a family member and a trusted attorney. I'm exploring my DPOA, because, it really is a huge job. It really places a huge responsibility on the one appointed.

I'm also updating my Advance Medical Directive to instruct my family, IN CASE OF DEMENTIA, to have me placed in AL or MC when it's not feasible to keep me in a home. I may not realize my condition by that time and my TRUE wishes are to not bring anguish and strain on family members by attempting to care for someone who proves too challenging in the home.

I can't even imagine asking a family member to not have me placed. That might make sense if you are a senior, but your needs can be met in the home, but, with dementia and the accompanying disabilities, incontinence, confusion, fears, delusions, etc. It's just unfair to ask that, imo. Plus, I think that professionals would be better equipped to handle my needs.

I have toured several AL's and MC's and have a good idea of what I would chose. Of course, that may change as time goes by. I hope that if I were to be effected, it would be many years down the road.

In case of dementia, I'm asking for DNR, no artificial nutrition, no cancer screens....nothing but palliative care.

I am asking that they ensure that I get daily music of my liking, because no matter what condition I'm in, I know that music feeds my soul and I need it.

If anyone can think of anything else, please let me know. I want to take any potential guilt off of my family members, since, I know that it is so prevalent in caregivers.
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Arleeda, the funds I have saved up for retirement and travel will now be earmarked for continuing care facilities.   Be it for dementia or for any type of age decline issue.

I have no siblings nor any children, so I have to "purchase" caregiving, plus after dealing my very elderly parents, I just cannot put anyone through all that physical and emotional stress, which had aged me terribly.

My parents didn't get dementia until they were in their 90's, or if they did have it, they sure hid it well.   But I doubt I will ever reach their age, as I doubt many of us caregivers will, as stress can shorten one's life.   Thanks folks !!   Oh well, I can't blame them as neither had to care for their own parents and had no idea what they were putting me through.... [sigh].
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Scaredtaker, I think I understand your attitude. My husband wanted to die the first months of his dementia. And yet he lived on with reasonable quality of life for ten years. He enjoyed seeing his grandchildren get older, some graduate from college. My mother was in a lot of pain -- I think that was more qol defeating than her dementia. But once the pain was effectively managed she seemed content.

The problem with planning to end one's life is that the course and severity of dementia really isn't predictable. So I'll pass on that option. But I don't judge you for it.
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That is understandable Cwillie! For you, I have this Kenny Rodgers Song.........
You got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And when to run...
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You know I've often thought about this and what I would do. It's easy to say to yourself now what you would do or want to do but when the time came do you really think you would have what it takes to take your own life. What if you tried and failed. Then what? Possible brain damage in addition to the dementia or worse? Then there is the moral argument. I've always felt that taking your own life was an unforgivable sin. I've always imagined people who take their own life's as being those troubled souls hanging around the universe long after they've died, stuck in a state of limbo.

Then, there is this. I've always had the feeling that dementia creeps up on people and when they get to that point where it's irreversible and they are dependent on others they aren't even aware of it. So, even if you had planned it out how you'd end it all, you may not even have the wherewithal to do anything about it anyway.

Sorry for being the voice of reality but that's the world I live in and I can't pretend it's not. I try to take good care of my physical and mental self the best I can and then leave the rest up to God. If you do not believe in God, I'm sorry for you but if you do then put it in his hands. He will take care of you.
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scaredtaker, I am with you.

I've said it before. I won't put my kids in my position.

I will do myself in before it come to that.

My parents never had to deal with this in their own parents, so they didn't know. I do. I'm not going down that road and dragging my kids with me.
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