As things stand now my bf and I barely have any private time as it is. He has a young daughter that is with him 2 days during the week and every other weekend. He also has 8 grandchildren that are over often. The kids are fine. The custody arrangement is fine. But his father... He is an attention whore. He doesn't clean up after himself EVER, he says rude and things to us and to others. He doesn't respect my bf at all. He has no respect for privacy. He is constantly seeking attention. If we have a party or people over for dinner, this man doesn't understand that we want to do these things without him. If he were a nice man, helpful, funny...it wouldn't be an issue. But this guy will crap on the toilet and not clean it up, and when confronted about it will say he didn't notice. He knows, he just doesn't want to clean it. If he were ill, I could understand it, but he is not ill. He is capable of driving. He may be losing it a little as he ages, but honestly, I think he has always been this way. He is so rude to our friends. If we are watching a movie and we ask him to join us, he will consistantly talk through it, OR WORSE he will stare at us back and forth throughout the movie, waiting for an "in" to talk about whatever. I would be more compassionate about this situation if the man was good to his son, but he isn't. He is a leach who will talk behind his son's back and mess with the relationships with the kids. I cannot stand this man. However, he is not going anywhere...and I can accept that, but I need to find a way to cope with him in a polite manner so my relationship with his son and I doesn't suffer. Also once I move in, I don't want to be this mans slave. My bf will do most of everything, but I obviously will be a part of the family, thus I will step up and take care of things. But I don't want to do this with resentment in my heart. I want to be gracious and kind. How do I do this when all I want to do is drive him to the nearest iceberg, set him on it, and give it a good push out to sea. LOL!
I am a loving, caring, tolerant person....truly, but this man is a handful of annoyance I have never experienced before. And trust me, I have some annoyances in my family too. Usually I can deal with difficult personalities, but again...this guy is an anomaly.
I am seeking advice now because I want to start implementing coping skills now before I move in. I love my bf and even though I do not like his father, he still is his father, so he will have a place in our home as long as he needs to. So I want to make sure I am ready with coping mechanisms and advice on how to manage this situation so everyone's privacy is respected without being rude or resentful.
Open for advice, lots and lots of advice. Thank you in advance.