My spouse has declined rapidly. We recently went on a trip which I thought would be good with kids and grandkids as a last fun family thing for him to have. It went ok, but certainly not great and was very difficult on my spouse. I have been thinking about and looking at residential placement for him. But it is difficult to pull that trigger. After this trip, though and seeing how hard it is for him to navigate and understand the "outside" world, my thoughts are changing a bit. My question is (to those of you who have this experience): I am wondering now if residential car cab be a better place of peace? Less external stimulus, less unknown occurances, things are primarily contained and remain similar, etc? Has anyone found that to be the case - where residential care is actually more peaceful for the affected individual? Or am I just grasping at something to ease my decision (which is primarily made -- at some point, residential care will have to happen) and guilt?
I knew my husband was going to need a residential facility soon, but didn't look around before he started falling and having cognitive issues. He declined so quickly! Had him placed directly from ER after a fall, but just "threw a dart at the map" re: care facility. It's the same place where my father had stayed years ago, but I'm waiting to see how well this actually works out for hubby...
He's just aware enough to be bored, but not rational enough to entertain himself.
It's a difficult decision but I want to say "you'll know when you know" and brace yourself for That Day.
Take care!
Tux
Thank you for your information. My husband has Lewy body which is Parkinson's dementia and I have been taking care of him at home. It has become increasingly more difficult due to balance issues along with his cognitive decline, so I have been looking at assisted care facilities. I am worried he will not qualify for assisted living because he needs help with most everything. Some days he is almost "normal" and can visit, watch tv programs together, eat properly and during those times I hate to think of putting him in a home. BUT then we have the not so good days where he makes no sense and sleeps most of the day. Is your husband in memory care or assisted living? Did he agree and accept that he was moving from his home? Did you take him to see facility before you signed any documents?
This is so difficult, I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown. Any input would be so welcome
I kept both parents who had dementia at home (family pressure to do so). It wasn't as good for them as a facility would have been, and it was way more expensive. As the manager of it all, it was awful for me.
Search diligently until you find a place. Go into it with a sense of teamwork, because once there, husband will then have all of you to look after his best interests. You will have help. And don't think of it as one of those old-fashioned "homes" where people were ill-treated. Modern facilities have rules and regulations, staff is trained, and they know a lot more about dementia than they did many years ago. Good luck in your search!
End of life care for someone failing in this manner will NOT be perfect.
It doesn't exist in this world of aging and failure. You will have to come to the best "happy medium" you can find. The time of perfection is done, but that is true of home care as well, is it not?
I wish you the best.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this. It's never easy to make such decisions, I know. But remember to take your own happiness into consideration as well. Folks here who love to bash all managed care facilities never take the caregivers lives into consideration.