Are there places to go to when you just need to get away for a few hours or a day? - AgingCare.com

Are there places to go to when you just need to get away for a few hours or a day?

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Wednesday had been especially bad for Mom and for me. After dinner I was preparing the dogs food and Mom was arguing again, tears began to roll down my cheeks and I asked my sister to feed the dog. I grabbed my purse and headed for the car in an attempt to just get away from the situation. When I pulled out and headed down the street I realized, I HAD NO WHERE TO GO, NO WHERE!

Having a bit of a panic attack I needed to walk so I headed to Homegoods hoping seeing pretty things would help....I was in such a state that nothing interested me. I went to Michaels Craft store and did the same thing before purchasing a shake and heading home.

I had hoped that Leezas Place might be open and maybe I could stop in and read or listen to a group but they close at 6pm.

Does anyone know where I might be able to go to in the evening to just get away for a while, clear my mind and return home to face the daunting task of caring for my mother all day every day without losing my mind?

My friends are long gone as I have been doing this for so many years. It is so upsetting to realize you have no one to turn to when everything becomes just too much to bear.

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If you are in New Jersey Let me know and I will be able to give you this information
Thanks
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If your sister's negative attitude and horrible treatment of you is the source of your stress (one of the sources, anyway) how about going to an Al-Anon meeting? You didn't say whether your sister is an alcoholic or not, but even if she isn't, the folks at Al-Anon are very friendly, and they can help you learn ways to detach from the anxiety and anger you're feeling over your sister's behavior.
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Where could i go to with my family because we are boord
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Where could i go to with my family because we are boord
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Yes, you should hire a caregiver! I would start with two or three afternoons/evenings a week and that person could also fix dinner. I wouldn't even tell sis you are doing it, let her arrive home and find out that way. If she will not help, then I would stop coordinating mom's care with her. As POA, you should be able to do what you need to do in order to get a break from mom. Also, you should get CG for a full day, to begin with on the weekend. Let sis deal with any additional confusion of mom's or take off, which would probably be easier for the CG and mom.
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I drive to the river. 45 minutes from my house is a lovely drive along the Delaware river. I drive the river and stop and have lunch at this great reastruant. When I just have two hours, there is a beautiful nature park, 5 minutes away. I walk my favorite trail, and sit and watch the bluebirds. Their beauty enchants me, and I fill whole. I also like my library, its quiet and calm. Can you drive to the ocean? It's vastness, always gives me perspective on my problems?
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I pretty much care for my mother 24/7 and the one sister that lives with us, works. She gets off work by 3 but chooses not to come home until 5 or 6 and sometimes later as she does not want to have to "deal with the situation." This being the case my days are long and hard. As many of us have experienced those of us who do the most care giving are usually treated the worst by the person we are caring for, this has become my case. Lately things have been worse because Mom has not tolerated the two medications the doctor put her on (Remeron and Celexa) and we are going to have to change them. I feel like I have had it, I am exhausted after 8 years of this. No help makes it worse and my panic and anxiety attacks hit last Thursday and Friday but none since.

The only time I have to leave and get away from here would be in the evening when my sister finally comes home. I see a therapist that comes to my home once a week because I am on disability, so I have her to speak with for an hour. She tells me that I MUST get out of this house every weekend to renew myself; which I have left to spend time with my daughter or my younger sister and her daughter. Now said older sister has thrown a fit that I am leaving the house one day a week for about 4-5 hours. She is truthfully angry that my younger sister and I get along well as do our daughters so it is a jealousy issue, but now she has informed me that "I am no longer allowed to leave the house without her permission!." Needless to say I told her to F--- Off! (Sorry) But I am 60, I am not a slave although it feels as though I have been thrown into servitude!

I resent this woman and her lack of helping more than I can express. She has tried to threaten me that she is going to move out leaving me alone to care for Mom, but since she basically does nothing anyway, it is no big loss. I truly feel that all of our lives would be quieter and easier to live without her influence or presence.

She herself filed a FALSE report against me to APS, saying I had physically beat her up, to try and have me removed as POA and have me prosecuted and thrown in jail. She even went so far as to scratch and bruise her own arms and have pictures made. She made one very crucial mistake, she forgot that my 16 year old niece was sitting in the room and was less than 6 feet from us and was a witness to the fact that I had never laid a finger on her.

We have had problems my entire life as she literally never got over the fact that I was born and she was no longer the baby. She told me that she swore she would hate me for the rest of my life.....and what is chilling is she finishes by saying....."and I will!"

Without her here I would simply hire a companion or care giver to come and sit with Mom and I would still leave. As it is now, she is home and able to care for Mom but likes to hold it over my head playing games as to will she be home or gone when I am ready to leave! Every year I never know if i will get to go on vacation or not because of the antics of this woman. Can you hire a person to be a caregiver while you take a vacation?? She has by the way run off both of her children who want nothing to do with her "until hell freezes over!"

My younger sister lost her husband and is working 12 hour days to make enough money to keep her home and care for her two children (20, 18)....pay tuition, buy cars, gas and insurance until they can graduate from college. With all of this and her bouts of depression, asking her to take time off to come and help me with Mom is out of the question.

I do like your suggestions of library, cafe and book, parks and fountains. I am also interested in finding a class somewhere that I could take, that would be wonderful and be something I could do on a weekly basis. I seem to feel a bit lighter with this information and insight, now I just have to find them!!

Chicago1954 in years past I would have found myself in church on every Wednesday night as well as Sunday morning and night. That would actually be more my speed than the Tavern anyway.

pstegman: A portion of I believe it is the Los Angeles River is literally in my back yard...Ha ha....It is concrete and has a drizzle of water. It think I have to find the fountain hopefully in a park. We are in the midst of a drought so I can't even turn on the hose and pretend!

I do so appreciate all of your suggestions. My heart truly feels lighter as I feel like I see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel.

Realizing I had no place to go made me see a need for a place of respite for caregivers that may be open until late in the evening.
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What about a cooking club? I'm not at all sure that is what they call them. We have several here that lease store space. They buy all the recipes, ingredients, etc for a group to come in. They make meals for you to take home, so you prepare a number of meals in an hour or two. Saves from trying to figure out what's for dinner and offers a chance to socialize for a bit and start to make some friends.
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I like Chicago's idea of a tavern. But make it a classy one. I used to go out a couple nights a week for a beer, but always early. Later the young rowdies get out and destroy chances of just sitting, visiting with someone. I haven't done that in nearly three years now. Now, I don't know if I could do that again. Never the chance, and what I would really enjoy is if the old folks would go out on the town, leave me home alone, they could even spend a few nights somewhere. I could open a beer, sit and listen to music I want to listen to or watch a show I want to watch, that would be pure heaven!
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I have dropped by a church chapel to gather my thoughts on a bad or on a great day to give thanks, very peaceful....I am not even test religious.
There are many parks in Miami most with walking trails, some in my area with water views, it agree, water can be very relaxing.

Consider a proactive approach, rather than a reactive, maybe join a support group. Make at least one friend who gets you. For all the time you so end caring for mom, lease carve out a bit to care for you
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