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I have requested that my sister take my mother for a weekend a month and when my wife and I take a vacation. She has only taken her twice in 9 months, and we need a break once in a while. To add to the problem, my sister is married to a sociopath who had blocked our phone numbers from being able call my sister’s home for 6 years until my father passed. As a result, I’m not comfortable having my mother stay with my sister for any period of time. There are three grandchildren that could assist, but I don’t feel it is their responsibility to care for their grandmother. I have a job that requires me to travel for 2 or 3 weeks every 6 months. I hate to burden my wife with taking care of my mother because my wife has Rheumatoid Arthritis. Until my mother doesn’t know where she is or who we are, she will continue to live with us. Are there temporary places where my mother could stay for a weekend or 2 to 3 weeks at a time?

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oops, guess I answered this already and didn't remember! LOL sorry
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Actually, Tjhformom is absolutely correct. In NJ, if mom has very little income, (she had only SSI) and little to no real funds in the bank, NJ pays for 3 weeks a year of respite care at a place of your choice (they do have certain ones to pick from). These 3 weeks can be broken up into one night at a time or all 3 together. I have no idea where you live, but I called our county board on aging and found out a mountain of info. Another thing, day care for mom was actually, $1.00 a day plus $1.00 a day for transportation. You really need to look into your county/state/town's resources. You may have to pay nothing to have her safe and your sanity restored.
As far as the grandchildren go, I honestly asked for help from my daughter and son-in-law with this for mom. I kindof traded off babysitting for their kids (my grandbabies) for them babysitting mom when needed for a weekend or a week. Might be worth asking. Hope this helped alittle and I sincerely hope you get some time together. You HAVE to have that in your situation. Makes for a happier marriage.
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Call a few home care agencies. Our agency provides respite and overnight care and when you are out of town you can arrange for an aide to come in to assist your wife with your Mother's care
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well they need to give us "something" for the money right?
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Way to go, Bhenson! New Jersey's high taxes pay for many services for its citizens, and among them is day care ....just found this out!
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tjh, here in NJ this is also possible but they pay for 100% if the elderly doesn't have much money. we could have used this 3x a year for 2 weeks at a time. I think everyone needs to check with their dept on aging to see what is offered. Daycare free was also offered for mom (0kay it was $1.00 for the bus) but that is also an option for time alone.
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You can try calling your states agency on aging and see if they have respite care. You can also consider Adult day care which your mom could attend during the day a few times per week. Adult day cares are like social groups for elderly people that cannot stay home alone during the day or to help families get a break from the caregiving.
Sarah,
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I was able to place my mother in a nursing home for respite and got a state grant to pay for 80%....check with your local agency on aging to see if this is possible for you...good luck
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Everyone here offered great advice on respite care at your nearest assisted living community. Just keep in mind that some have limited the number of days someone can stay on a respite stay.
Good luck!
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Respite care is available, but you might look for "in-home" caregiver. I have "companion sitter" for my husband while I work. If I need to visit my elderly mother out-of-state and if my husband is not up to going, I feel okay with companion sitter staying with him. He is comfortable at home and is used to them being here anyway.
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I was tired of not living my life and found that having someone come to our home Friday at 3 pm and staying until 3 pm on Saturday. I could stretch that into a weekend away once a month by having a family member come on Saturday afternoon. The reason for the Friday night was I could take my kids out to the movies or see their soccer game with out all the granny dragging drama. I was having trouble with reeling my teen back in without being able to pick them up promptly after the dance. If I left them to look for a ride they ended up at Denny's and then someones house. We are all doing much better now.
For long vacations I have found a assisted living that would lend her an apartment.
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Yes, Mr. Whitney, there are places that your mother could stay for two to three weeks at a time. It'scalled "Respite Care". It's temporary. Call Sunrise, or another Assisted Living facility near you, and get the particulars on this. It may be a bit pricey, but it's worth it.
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Some home care agencies also offer respite care. Many nursing homes have beds available for respite care. It could be covered by medicare it is worth checking into. take care!
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Know just how you feel, after begging for help, I had to take matters into my own hands. Your Mom gets SS I assume? I use care.com online and find help for my Mom, to relieve my husband and I. You have to screen them with a million questions and I suggest getting a nanny cam, that site does background checks. We found it better than her leaving our home, less confusing and easier for all. You could also just just a daycare to give your wife a break. Maybe the grandchildren will help , tell them its a job, with pay, even thou they love her of course. We take one weekend every Winter and a week in the summer. Our children move in here to give us an anniversry and summer break, as we paid them until her money ran out. They now still do it and dont want money but we always give them something from our money. We were told, but learned late, take it from us, get help on weekends 8-10 hours a day, and live your lives, which we gave up for many years. You should pay $12-$15 an hour or by the weekend. Your Mom, as mine, could live to 100, we never know, and its great having her when you also have a life. Good Luck!
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Respite care as Mcarry said.

Almost all AL have some version of this, sometimes advertised and most often on the low-key word of mouth or referral situation. The AL's like it because it's private pay in advance and so often the respite "guest" ends up moving there when they or family decide to move them out of the home. AL runs from 2K - 5K and you would likely pay a small premium above the weekly rate. I'm assuming she has no specialized care issues and can do her ADL's.

If AL is just too flat expensive, google to find "board & care homes" in your area. These cost significantly less but do less by & large. These tend to be run by a couple, who live on site, who turn 2 - 4 bedrooms of their large house into basically a dorm for healthy elderly. They might do a short term stay too.

3 weeks can be a long, long time, personally I'd find a place rather than depend on family from afar and I agree with you that I too wouldn't want to place my child to be the decision maker if something were to happen to his grandma.

If your mom has lots of health issues, then imho you need to approach this differently as AL might not take her. You need to be really clear on her ability and neither of you want a surprise on day 4 of a 21 day stay!

Perchance is she on hospice? if so, she & you could use the respite benefit. Hospice is covered by Medicare and if she is in at-home hospice after a period of time, Medicare will allow the at home family caregiver to use the Medicare paid for respite benefit where the hospice patient goes to an approved facility - usually a NH with a hospice unit - for respite care under Medicare guidelines. Good luck.
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Some nursing homes offer respite care, unfortunately, it can be quite expensive ($200 a day here). We employ two local women who come in several hours a week, and when we had to go away, we made arrangements for them to take turns staying here overnight. It is a lot more affordable this way, and my Mother actually pays for it. If no one in the family is helping out, it is my suggestion to start placing adds to find a local person. This is a process, as everyone has to get to know each other and feel comfortable, and learn what is expected of them, but once you do that, you can go away and feel good about your Mothers care. I just got to go visit my children in NM for two weeks. Everyone did fine without me here. It was a good affirmation that they could survive without me. Good luck and I hope you get the break you need and deserve!
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I would check with local retirement homes as they may have respite care to help with your request. The do charge for the stay and you would have to find out how much they charge. If you have a local health unit or health centre they maybe able to help you find a location, If not I am sure the grandchildren would help if it was for a short period of time to give you and your wife a break...It never hurts to ask, they might feel honoured to help out if they could.
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