I'm going to place my spouse in nursing home on Monday. Any suggestions?

I know my answer comes too late, but one thing I might have suggested is to have a close friend or trusted neighbor go with you when you admitted him; that way you have some support and they can help ask questions or listen for things you might have missed in your anguished moments.

I would listen to the social worker and take her cue regarding visitation over the next few weeks as hubby adjusts and of course you adjust to the new normal. I'm sorry you are going thru this hard time, but try to stay positive and know you did the right thing -- you don't have to be anxious or fearful anymore...you can just be the loving wife and partner you want to be and leave the caregiving to skilled nurses and CNAs. Concentrate on making those moments special with little treats for both you and hubby.

I am about to place my husband and I'm feeling so guilty. I've been hearing for months that I need to get on a waiting list for the skilled nursing home but now that he's near the top of the list, I'm so anxious. Am I doing the right thing? Is it too soon - or right? He's in a wheelchair and can't be left alone, needs assistance with everything he does. He has Multiple Systems Atrophy, a progressive motor neuron disease where most of the body systems deteriorate. He also has some dementia. I am the sole caregiver and I'm burned out.

Barkingdog, where would he end up if you died from a stress-related heart attack or stroke tonight? That's basically what happened in the case of my aunt, caring for my uncle. He lived, quite happily in memory care for three years after she died of a massive heart attack. She gave her all. Please don't do that to yourself.

It has been 3 months since I placed my husband in nursing home. I cannot share with him most of the things I am doing. He tends to get really angry. His dementia is worse and I have been there everyday. The grieving that goes with him not being here with me has not gotten better. I keep thinking I will turn a corner to being more acceptable of the situation. I have considered counseling and I may do this if I can find somewhere that deals with all of this. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have started avoiding those who just want to put a guilt trip on me. It usually is someone who has no idea what a stressful life I am living. I would love to be able to give each one of you a hug. Consider yourself hugged.

JustMe6, find a local dementia carers support group... they will be able to put you in touch with people who have been through what you are going for. You need support from people who understand, not anyone judging you, they have no idea.

Look after yourself. You did the best you could for as long as you could. You may not feel like it right now because you feel natural guilt, but you should be proud you kept him at home as long as you did. It's an exhausting and lonely and often thankless task.

Be at peace knowing he is in a place where he will be cared for by folk who understand the condition.

Space out your visits if he is abusive. Hopefully he will settle in and become calmer. Speak to the member of staff there that you trust/like the most about what they recommend visit wise short term.

Cruel cruel illness.
Take care of you now.

justme and barking, virtual hugs from here. This is such an intense thing. Think about this: maybe none of us would really like being someone who 'got okay' with such a change so quickly. You do have to do what you're doing, it's not like you created this situation. many well wishes. 🌺