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Don't people use adult foster care places? They are much more personal, usually cheaper, and it's less hectic there. We had really good luck with one. Why is it always the nursing home that folks think of first I wonder?
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I just want to say to both of you, afnorm and dtrue, please don't feel guilty or "selfish" for thinking it may be time to place your mothers in a nursing home. If finances permit it, then it can be a very good option for your mothers. You need to take good care of yourselves and your health too.
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unfortunately i dont have any magic anwers because im in a very similar situation. i have a sitter with her though while i work my full time plus job. even thinking (and often daydreaming) about putting mother in a home crushes me, and then i beat myself up for even having these selfish feelings....
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