I have older brother (50) who is an alcoholic, is there a place for him? - AgingCare.com

I have older brother (50) who is an alcoholic, is there a place for him?

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he has lived with my mother for the past 15 or so years.my mother is planning to relocate in NY for 6months and then go to florida for the remainder of each year. she wants him close to her but she is 73 yrs old and recieves social security benefits.she wants him in a place where he will recieve meals, and care. He is not interested in any help for his addiction. Basically he gets up in the morning and starts drinking, he stays in his bedroom all day drinks and watches tv.is there any place for him either in NY (14830 zip code area) or Florida (Ft. Myers area).

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So well said, Angel.
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I'm not sure what type of place you mean exactly. Any place that offers supportive care (detox, rehab, psychiatric hospital, assisted living, skilled nursing care) will not allow him to drink until hes oblivious and watch tv...plus something like that would be ridiculously expensive with all the insurance they would have to carry. What you are doing is asking the wrong question.

What you need to ask is...does he want to stop drinking. If so, he needs to go to detox (he can't stop on his own, alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures that are deadly) then go to rehab.

If not, then you need to decide how involved you want to be. Go to some al-anon meetings and they will teach you and your mom how to detach from your older brother. If he continues to drink the only thing he will do is destroy you along with himself. If he wants to keep drinking he needs to find a way on his own...find his own place to stay and his own income so that your mom can retire in comfort and without worry. That's what she truly wants, based on the fact that she wants to find "placement" for him. She wants to be free of this burden. You need to help her to detach and help her to let him hit rock bottom on his own, no enabling. That's the ONLY thing that will lead him to sobriety.

Angel
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Is he physically capable other than the alcohol addiction? You may need to have him face up to his own problems, though it may be a bit late in life for it. My brother had the same problem. He started the day with a quart of Jack Daniels just to "get straight." He couldn't hold a job. He lied and he stole from people. He depended on everyone else to carry his weight, since he was so addicted that he couldn't carry his own. His wife left him, because he was abusive to her and their son. His parents didn't know what to do with him, because my father didn't want him around. His wife gave him a place to stay. He didn't keep up with his medication for hypertension, because it didn't agree with his drinking. Finally he died at an early age. Sad thing is that most people who knew him breathed a sigh of relief. No one knew what to do about him.

The only real solution is rehab unless someone is paying his bills to keep enabling the behavior. He needs professional help. Otherwise, the only solutions are putting him on the street or setting him up in his own apartment. Assisted living facilities will probably not tolerate drunkenness. I am sorry you and your mother are going through this. You may want to seek professional help to assist you in working through helping your brother. Addictions don't have to destroy lives, but they will... and they will take other lives down with them.
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If your mother enabled him at least during the past 15 years, it's not your responsibility to take responsibility for him now. Your mother was around 58 years old when she let him start living with her. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Let her investigate who will take care of him next.
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