Has anyone placed your love one in a nursing home after the care became to much for you?

My loving husband of 42 yrs is 19 yrs my senior. I promised I would never put him in a nursing home, altho he never made me make that promise. But after 3 yrs of caring for him, we fell. He landed on top o me & as we laid there I realized this was dangerous so I went to Area On aging. After tests & visits with our Drs my husband slipped into a semi coma & went to the hospital. I cked out 3 nursing homes within this area. They were terrible in my eyes. The 1st one smelled with workers standing around more interested in chatting then the people in chairs around them. The 4th one was one I thought was perfect & our dr was pulling for it too but it were expensive, without a bed for poor. We settled for a home close to the one sone he was close to. But there was much confusion where he did not get his meds for several days & an insadent occured where he was refused residence. But with the drs help he went to the one I wanted him in, after all. He was then put into a nursing home to recoupe, But was found to have diebeties & stayed. After 3 yrs of living within a short distance of most of his children, he was lonely & soon his boys only came by once a yr. if that. He asked me to take him 828 miles away to b close to our grandson, now living in ID. So I walked away from our home of 23 yrs & 40 plus yr of stuff & we moved. Altho I am still struggling here with different state rules, we are able to eat meals together, once a mth I can stay in the guest rm, & he is kept active & treated with gentleness. This is not what we planned & I struggle daily with this long goodbye, never knowing every morning I awaken if he is still with me. There is no reaal help for me in this state but I love it. After several yrs of staying home I now go to church & am very slowly making new friends. Please excuse any & all mispelt words plus. Carla & Doyle

I imagine that most people in nursing homes are there because
1. They have no close family to care for them
2. Their family members have determined that they cannot prove optimum care
3. One or more family member has done caregiving and has reached the limits of their capacity.
A few (like my dear aunt) decided on their own that this was the best place for them, and some are estranged from family for various reasons.

So, yes, certainly, many many caregivers have done as much as they can and then have placed their loved one in a long term care facility, where they continue to offer support and advocacy.

I hope to keep my husband home until he dies. But I am also realistic enough to know that I have limits and if they are reached, I will do what is necessary to ensure that he gets the best care available to us.

I wanted to reply so that this topic comes up to the top of the list again, where others who have gone through that experience may see it and respond.